Mind Transformation 367

367
The beginning of the day was quite nice. I had breakfast and went to a doctor. He asked some questions, listened to my story and said to come tomorrow to get an X-ray. Then, I returned home and for the rest of the day watched movies. About 4 PM I started feeling pain in my forehead. Again, it wasn’t a real pain—just an unpleasant feeling that ceased only at midnight.
I used medicine. I put in my nose a bloody spray and drank some pills (sinupret) prescribed by the doctor. I also cleaned my nose with salt water and propolis.
I guess I have to think more instead of watching stupid movies all day, but I can’t really focus on anything being in this mood and only movies make me feel good. Or rather, they help me not to feel depressed and upset. I haven’t been experiencing anything like that for a very long time. It’s really unusual and I still don’t know how to deal with that. Indeed, I even feel hopeless and helpless at some moments. This little illness makes me worrying as if it were a crucial deadly wound. Maybe it is? How many health points I have to lose until my immune system will be completely destroyed? I mean, despite all my fitness virtues I don’t have even a half of the health I used to have six years ago. Needless to say about what was there 12 years ago. I’ve been seeking ways to develop my power but instead of that I’m getting weaker and weaker. Why is that? Is there truly no way to get over after unconscious childhood? What’s the meaning of all of that, then? I’ve become conscious only to see how stupid I used to be and then die because of my unconscious stupidity?
So, as I said, the current mood is not suit for thinking, and probably it’s better to keep watching movies to stay on track.

To the beginning: http://www.proza.ru/2018/03/10/1530
Next: http://www.proza.ru/2019/07/08/1394