Mind Transformation 383

383
Biology 12. Hoge.
d – 40, S – 5, s - 1
Seems no one is going to come to the speaking club today. I’ve spent 20 minutes for reading the last week of this journal. It’s boring. I would even say it’s extremely boring. However, sitting and listening to music is more boring than that. Actually, everything is boring. I think boredom is a program of our mind which makes everything boring when it starts working. Having any purpose and thinking about reading in a different way, I probably would have a completely opposite mood. It’s not boring, for example, when I’m editing my last year journal, though there are certainly more chances to get bored—
So, I’m sitting in a caf; and waiting for someone. Now, it’s already 18:55, and the probability of anybody comes is quite low. Anyway, I have to write this note and whether I write it here and now or later at home make no difference. Here, at least, I’m in a different environment and it somehow affects my thoughts. And here is what I’m thinking about. Why do I learn English? Really why? I would have gotten whatever I want just by thinking in Russian and keeping this bloody journal for a few more decades. I still believe it’s possible to achieve the same level of skill that I had in Russian by training every day, though after a year of practice I see that it’s much harder than I expected. I wanted to work on the speaking club, but it seems like the attractiveness of this intention had been lost a long time ago. So what’s the reason to learn English? Just to improve the language as much as possible? What if I have limits there and they are already achieved? Bullshit! No limits. It’s simply my old way of thinking, my old Russian ego which is suffering and weeping because it was forsaken. “To leave English for a while would be—” No. Stop! Everything is alright. Let’s go out of this place!

To the beginning: http://www.proza.ru/2018/03/10/1530
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