Handzia 1 V. Pavlik Ukr-to-Eng

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Sometimes I'm getting asked if I was in love once. If there is a person, of course, a girl or woman who is close to me.  Someone whom I would like to see and feel next to myself... It's a complicated and unclear topic.
In a difficult period of my life and for the entire country, we faced many changes like perestroika and reforms. It came with the decline of the economy, and hence our family budget (as it turned out later, it also influenced family and marital relations)…  I was alone because my wife went to «improve our family financial situation» in one of the European countries, let's call it conditionally Spain. My wife's friend had been there for two years and during her back-home vacations, praised the new way of life in the new role of a foreign laborer. She admired the opportunities that opened to her, as well as to tens of thousands of other fellow citizens – not only for survival but also for raising the level of family welfare. Of course, not as many people thought about the consequences of emigrant labor and how it will affect the families in the name of which most women were the ones who traveled to distant worlds... I won't touch the depths of this phenomenon, analyze, or assess the economic and social processes which preceded the emigration, including the reasons that led to the massive exodus. I want to tell you about my story... One day I felt that... So, during the next visit (third vacation), I was informed that «there» is a man, someone better than me, worthy of more attention and love... more or less… It won't be necessary to talk about the feelings of uncertainty or maybe somehow differently to describe it... I don't know how to define the state in which I was accurately... There were no variants, and it was necessary to reconfigure... At that time, children also began to be acquainted with the other side of the ocean... My daughter won a contest and passed her training there.  My son won two medals at the World Youth Games and remained on the invitation of some universities to continue his studies... So I started a new life stage in a new status...
We have been friends with Vika (changed) for almost two years... I couldn't call it love, but our relationship, as it seemed to me, corresponded to our wishes and status at that time. I would call it a good companionship, friendship with a romantic and erotic supplement. I don't use the word «love» in vain since such feelings, in my humble opinion, come with time. That is a mental shake and «pleasant» pain, the unacceptability of long separations and joy of sublime communication, incredible acts, pleasant trembling from a bitter desire, and mutual concern about a partner – boyfriend or girlfriend. It's a tenderness, kind words that are inside your soul pouring out from the sensory depths at ease and create an atmosphere of your being.  You can subconsciously say, "Yes, it probably some love... I'm in love!" We, as it's sometimes said, «had our rendezvous»... We had a good time traveling together, sometimes even missed each other when we had to part for a more extended period. And it is unknown what more in that was – erotica or romance.
As common with other couples, we encountered difficulties in our relationship, pauses, and starting all over with «taking into account previous experience»... It's not been three years since we unnoticedly wrapped up our project, which fits well into our realities and, saying, was right on time.
Having argued a bit and realizing that apparently, our encounters would not be a good continuation, we turned the page of a typical little story...
A lot of tasks, chores, and deals were ahead of me, which didn't leave time for any boredom thinking about loneliness. After all, even though I was single, I always joked, "I'm single, but not alone!" There are still many acquaintances around, friends, and colleagues among whom, by the way, plenty of women... I mean, if the feelings of loneliness roaming somewhere in the crowd, they don't come and avoid me. Frequent trips abroad always fill me with fresh impressions, beautiful acquaintances, new knowledge, and some inspiration for creative actions. The fact is that my project of cultural and professional exchanges I diversify year by year. It is getting enriched by new entrants from different kinds of activities.
I arrange meetings for specialists from our country with colleagues in Europe and the USA. I also organize training, exchange of experience, visits to ministries, associations, institutions, organizations, various companies, and medical institutions... And right here I'll start talking a bit slower... about doctors and medical institutions...
A symphony orchestra at a concert in the city performed famous masterpieces that have repeatedly been broadcasted by radio and television in various programs. During teenager time, we wanted to listen to a piece of avant-garde music. The music was for the younger generation from all over the world.  The idols of the world show business performed it (although they weren't called such in the past). It meant that we wanted to «keep up» with the youth of other countries. The classic musical magnum opus, in our opinion, imposed on us within the framework of ideological propaganda... Since then, it's been a long time since I worked as a disk jockey, often traveled, visited various shows and concerts of well-known groups. I was fond of talented star performers... And I'm here, sitting in the hall, and listening to high-quality music – the eternal artworks which time can't influence. I understand that real creativity doesn't pay attention to any fashion trends or today's effect or even business aspects... The art lives its own life, which is out of time, yet maybe sometimes «keeps pace with time»... That is a demand of society – modern tastes coincide with the eternal art, they are consonant... Perhaps I was sitting in such a state of perception of genuine notes and harmony in the same «pace with the eternal» (in consonance). I sat in a semi-darkened room and dissolved in sounds...
My cell phone was vibrating. I waited for a moment and replied to the caller when the hall started applauding... A pleasant young woman's voice announced that the documents for a trip were collected. And she is ready to give me a package for visa issuance, although, for the moment, the sending deadlines were over. The reply was quiet, "I'm at a concert right now and dial back later…"
Being in an elevated mood after the beautiful concert, I dial the number of the «pleasant voice» and explain how to ask a train conductor to hand me the package as soon as possible.  I was good-humoredly suggesting that I make an exception just for her because there is not enough time to process papers... It seems that something was pleasant to me in the conversation because we spoke for a long time. And it was a pleasure to do my best for the young lady who postponed the planned cruise on the Mediterranean for a trip with colleagues to the Czech Republic. That's how I met a dentist, a young doctor, and a pleasant companion, Anna – starting with a telephone conversation...
Before going to Prague with a group of dentists, I spoke with the deputy ambassador (earlier the ambassador also promised to arrange a meeting at the Dentists Association). He said that it was impossible to pay attention to our issues because there are more critical things to look... Imagine with what kind of mood I went to Lviv, where dentists arrived from all over the country and started their bus trip to Prague. You know, the group goes, and the main problems of the program are still on the plate...
To my great joy, Serge, a partner from the Czech Republic, promised to help. Although we understood that this is an extreme situation, however, I decided to not tell about it to anyone. Along the way, one young lady asked to let her sit in the front and next to me because she suffered from motion sickness...
Of course, I didn't deny this neighborhood. The road wasn't so monotonous anymore. We talked a lot, joked, and for a moment I felt like a man.  I saw that Maryna was somehow emotionally and mysteriously looking at me, listening very carefully, and inspecting… So thought that to flirt with her is not a bad idea. I even forgot about the extreme…
The Grand Prague panorama opened to us from the bridge over the river Vltava with its sharp spires of cathedrals and red roofs among the green parks-hills ... Evening Prague even more adjusted my mood to the romantic wave... and I returned to the hotel already in an erotic mood... Flirtation and sympathy which turned out to be promising to bear fruits. And when the company from the big hotel lobby after chit-chats went to their rooms, I caught some crazy thought.  The next day I would expect something more than just flirting... In the morning, I was overwhelmed by an extreme situation... My partner said that there is no response from the Dentists Association, nor the clinic, we planned to visit. So we had to change the program on the go and went on an excursion to old Prague.  All scheduled meetings postponed to the last two days of our stay, in the hope that eventually everything settles...
I passed through the salon of not new but such a comfortable bus Setra.  Looked at whether all the members of our delegation are present, and we start moving to the center of the beautiful Prague. I've got tired of sitting in my seat. Don't know why, went back again between the rows supposedly recounting people, meanwhile, to see the pretty girl who looked at me somehow in a unique way. I felt something uncommon in her eyes when she was passing by. As usual, I was joking, asking everyone about their moods, and whether they liked the hotel. I stopped next to Anna and asked, "Would you tell me if that was you who handed documents late?" She answered, "Yes. And you were at a concert when I called and answered only after the third time. I was already worried that I would not manage..." I don't know what kind of dialogue happened between us, as some say – said something to say. I caught myself thinking that flirtation with this girl would be inappropriate since she seemed to me noble and very attractive.
Such ladies can't be alone... The bus excursion became a walking one. We approached the Cathedral Church of St. Peter and then moved to the presidential palace. We bypassed the entire territory, had a photo session with the whole group, and slowly descended the long stairs to the oldest Prague. It was the time for overlooking the narrow streets which captivate with houses, beautiful pavement, balconies, lanterns, and famous Charles Bridge. In front of the bridge, the local money changers exchanged currencies. I continuously warn our folks about their attentiveness during the exchange and possible avoidance of such transactions right the on streets, but I urgently wanted to buy something.  So I stopped and exchanged not for the Czech koronas, but Bulgarian lions.  This currency at that time was worth nothing, as Belarusian bunnies (the name given by Eastern Europeans to the money based on the presence of different animals on it) or...
Being in such a bad mood, I passed a crowd of tourists. Usually, you can see them mostly on this bridge. I caught up with my group and found myself near Anna and her colleagues... "Why are you lagging?" she asked. "And over-all, you don't pay any attention to us…" And Anna smiled so that the dimples on cheeks further emphasized her beauty. I quietly lost those led by mishap feelings caused by the unsuccessful money exchange, and the mood changed to the opposite... "But why," I said, "do you think I do not pay any... I even like you since yesterday." "Oh, I didn't notice anything about it. You're preoccupied with the blonde sitting next to you on the bus." I started to like this humorous conversation.
And for a while we were walking alongside exchanging impressions, listening and looking at each other... in one moment it seemed to me that Anna wasn't indifferent. I wanted to find out if she has a friend, maybe she dates someone or in love...  For the second time, I mentioned that I liked her. However, yesterday I didn't dare to say that because I thought that such girls couldn't be alone… On that, Anya replied, "By the way, I'm alone…" I almost dropped my camera. I thought, "Does she like me?" I've got a real chance to get closer to a girl whom you also like... however, an idea flashed that maybe she was joking. I don't know how others do, but I'm critical to myself and often doubt and uncertain about such delicate matters as acquaintance... And then I blurted out some a not-such-nice phrase, supposedly supporting the humorous and playful format of our conversation, "Well, then come in this evening!" The girl asked me, "Where?" And I don't know how it happened, but I came out with, "Into my room."
My very ears turned red. And, crouching something like a smile, I intended to go forward faster, as if to a guide. Anya smiled and joked even more loosely, "So what is this invitation? For a cup of tea? Look, your offer is so provocative that I might come…" The dimples on her cheeks pulled me out of balance once again, and I started blushing...  And thoughts in the head were jumping one before the other. What if it is sympathy, why not? Is it okay that I'm much older? But this is often the case when younger women like older men...
After the tour, as usual, everyone went to realize his and her desires. Some went on shopping, others to museums and exhibitions, and some were comfortable with restaurants or cafes. Traditionally, I was waiting until someone would ask me if I could advise what to visit in his or her spare time. If there weren't any questions, then I would go to entertain myself.
Every time, meanwhile, I try to explore some new good locations or restaurants, an exciting restaurant or exhibition hall, a new museum, or a restored unique object. At this time, I was so engulfed by emotions that I didn't know where to go. Some time I hanged around the square under the famous clock and then headed to a summer restaurant on the opposite side to have some coffee, cocktail, ordering wine as well... Fantasies have captured me. I imagined how we walk with Anna exploring these ancient streets.  Then I stay alone with a cute attractive girl... Mmmm, pleasure spreads through the body... The voice of Anna's friend brought me into reality. They were walking near… Svitlana approached, asking if I would like to join their company. An exhibition of Czech artist Mukha (last name) struck our expectations so much. We have been discussing it for a long time while walking around the not so crowded corners of Prague. We sat down for a few minutes in a park and went to have a bite at an old restaurant, at the same time to enjoy the famous Czech beer. It was right there... We even came across an erotica museum on one of the streets. It appeared in the central square with a clock. We saw a lot of what we didn't even guess before in this original three-story museum...
We were curious about the exhibits – from specific erotic clothing to various styles of accessories, which add a sense of desire to love games. After watching fragments of old movies in a small room, it was easy to imagine an old-time love machine. Also, we laughed while peeking at a «room for pleasures» through an appropriate small window. In ancient times and such institutions, a similar window to open was for someone who paid a castellany-lady to observe others' exciting games… Svitlana and Anna quietly talked about something and smiled. You could sense that in the girls were in an erotic mood! I liked it. My feeling was growing. Besides, Anya looked at me shyly and at the same time, enticing. Maybe that wasn't the case, but the eyes are prominent in desire!
Visiting the museum cheered us up. We were joyful and slightly excited to set foot back on the street!
Every time I found myself close to Anna, I wanted to touch and hug her. But she wasn't alone, and I wasn't sure if this would look adequate – for them, I was still a well-accepted project manager. Too groovy behavior would be perceived ambiguously... Such thoughts were restraining my actions. At the same time, I'm an ordinary active man... And as they say «everything beautiful isn't strange to me»! Life goes on. I mean, it resides on trips, and there isn't enough time for a clear split on business and personal. Everything is a mix. I think that many are acquainted with such a condition as undefined – when you have to be a public figure and when you can be yourself, you have to balance. Not everyone succeeds in this matter. Several more people from our group and our bus drivers were returning from the center of the city. They met in a tram which was passing our hotel. Ronan appealed to me with a proposal to arrange a party in the courtyard of the consisting of two buildings hotel. The group of dentists, as you guess, was female-dominated. That's why you can understand Roman and John, who have half of their lives spent on the road outside their homes. They had everything: tiles, spices, a set of dishes, some groceries, fruits, and coffee.
And most importantly that the music accompanying us on the road trip was picked up from the collections of the most experienced DJs, you could find. Someone announced the gathering for those who wanted to participate. An hour later, they gathered – well-dressed ladies-doctors, about fifteen people. It looked like the most beautiful dentists came to participate in a beauty contest.
In our improvised bar, there were bottles of champagne and wine... Music inspired good memories. I became a good background for conversations, toasts, and colleague presentations from different regions. The atmospheric party promised to drag on for a long time. More than that – several men came out of their bunkers, so then it was already someone to dance with on the floor. I was so «overwhelmed» by a feeling of sympathy for Anna. The idea of being alone with her didn't leave me even for a moment. I danced with a few women, joked, told an anecdote, and listened to several medical dentist stories. Finally, I dared to invite Anya to dance. Always eloquent and talkative, I did not know what to whisper in her ear and how to stay calm. At that time, I wanted to hug and caress her. I was gently touching her shoulder, leading my nose close to her neck. Slowly rubbing her cheek with mine, breathing in the aroma of her hair, and tenderly embracing her waist... All I could think of in this situation, I tried to realize… or calculate her feelings to me.
While dancing, I ventured and quietly mentioned my room number, explaining that I was living in another building of the hotel. And, just in case, available to assist with any issues or requests. When the dance ended, I timidly reminded myself about Anna's promise to come... It was necessary to pretend that I was attentive and equally polite with all the ladies so that no one would see my real feelings. I mean, I was afraid that someone would treat it as a courtship. After some time, I apologized to everyone, and I decided to go to rest. As Stierlitz (an imaginary Soviet spy during WWII), I threw an unnoticeable glance at the one who attracted me not only with a lovely smile... Although in a different situation, of course, I would continue to enjoy a close and pleasant company. I also wanted to make sure that Anya didn't joke as soon as possible. I left the entry door open. I mean, didn't lock it. So, access to the body was left free, yet it would be nice to have the same soul disclosure.
I lay down and think about the ridiculous situation I've created. But it's too late. I can't «rollback» the events. A musical TV channel showed video clips with beautiful artists who performed hits from different years. So relaxed, I didn't hear when Anya came in. I couldn't believe my eyes, swallowed my tongue, and became speechless and lost. I don't know how to properly, or rather, adequately move (what to do)... I stand up... come up ... look at her dimples ... gently run my finger over her cheeks, as if I want to make sure that they are real... I'm silent... I don't believe that Anya is in front of me… She smiles… puts her hands on my shoulder... with her soft and tender fingers shuffles my hair... We stand… smile... flutter... slowly raise her frock... She's asking what I'm doing... I say that I don't know… the body is getting loaded with something pleasant that I don't know... I feel she's shaking… I'm shaking too… It feels like losing touch with reality... for both... getting so warm… friendly and pleasant... beautiful body... tension increases... We are silent ... breathing hard... I kiss her breast... We embrace each other... the lips have come together in tenderness... overwhelmed with kisses... lose the balance...  something incredible happens... bodies are intertwined... emancipated... a takeoff...
I don't remember how long we flew away... on what orbit we were... I only recall that for a long time, we shared some whispering, long, and short exchange of tender kisses… without shyness, we looked at ourselves...
"Do you love me?" asked Anya... I felt so good in her arms. I enjoyed everything: her voice, beauty, smile, tender touches, and kisses.  I couldn't believe the reality of what is happening. I feel so happy, but my beautiful lady's question was a sudden surprise. I asked Anya whether she loves me, and she answered that she asked me first about it. As much care as I could make, I began to explain that I am so much pleased to be with her, feel happy, but to say «I love you» – it would be, probably, insincere – because we just got to know each other. "So, you just like me for fun," said my most beautiful girl quietly. I'm asking her to calm down, "Anya, Don't we enjoy each other right now? I like it and you as well! Very much! On a first acquaintance to say «I love you»… It sounds frivolous." And I think, "What if Anya fell in love?" And it became so enjoyable. Anya leaned against me firmly and murmured the fact that she immediately fell in love as soon as she first saw me. I was in seventh heaven. It's a bliss to hear something like that for a man of my age from a beautiful girl who I sincerely admired! I also whispered in her ears that fell in love...
"Let's go to see night Prague," Anna suggested.
I easily agreed. After a few minutes, a taxi was waiting for us at the entrance to take to the old city. We did not go; we glided through the night streets and felt happy. It was an incredible saunter! Watching us, so romantic, would be probably a fascinating thing to do! It was hard to notice how we reached the Wenceslas Square and entered the largest in the city disco club… We were offered to smoke something. Anya was repeatedly invited to dance, although she wasn't alone... We didn't use any bar's services, but felt tipsy, apparently, from love! It was enough for dancing, and at three o'clock we stopped at a night cafe to have a bite to eat. Holding hands, we walked to the hotel... and for a long time caressed each other, leaving kisses everywhere and on everything... In the morning, a temporary roommate and colleague at work asked Anya about the time she came back because she was waiting for a long time. The answer was, "About at one o'clock."
I couldn't manage to fall asleep that night, although it was already morning.  What kind of sleep could you have around five or six? I came almost the first for breakfast and checked if our drivers were ready because today we're going to Karlovy Vary. Serge called but didn't please my expectations. He mentioned that there is still a chance. Going to the famous resort was scheduled at 9:00. Most people from our group have already had breakfast, but I wonder where my doctor who had aroused the hot fires of love in my heart is. I asked Svitlana how was her sleep tonight and why her colleague didn't come for breakfast; she replied that Anya is still asleep, but by nine, she will be on the bus.
On the way to Karlovy Vary, she slept again. I was as if on needles, my extreme didn't allow me to relax. And only after a tour, when we drank coffee in a famous cafe, where a piece of the movie was filming about Stierlitz and his wife meeting, Serge said that everything was excellent – the meeting in the Association was confirmed and the clinic – still under question. The mood has improved, and I have entirely plunged myself into the pleasure of communicating. Until now, I'm looking at Karlovy Vary's photos and recollect those happy moments.
In the evening we didn't plan any trips, because we wanted to sleep, but the group asked to walk with them and watch a medieval fire show. When we were returning to the hotel, part of the group went by tram. Some people expressed their desire to walk the streets. You probably guessed that Anya and I were among them. So again, we enjoyed another walk without the group – taking photos, laughing, and already planning future get-togethers. Oh yes, we dreamed when we meet after the trip because between us was almost 900 kilometers. It was a relaxed and joyful fact that we met each other!
The night was somehow short again. The morning came before we went to sleep. Our acquaintance became a reward for both – for not looking for temporal pleasures and not exploring some quick options – «doesn't matter with whom»... Today we were met by the heads of the Association of Dentists. Everything went according to the plan at a high level.  We listened to relevant information, got acquainted with the work of the Czech body, and agreed on to organize future meetings in our Embassy.  After the exchange of gifts (by the way, I received a tooth in an original unique flask), we also visited our diplomatic mission. Then our group went on an incredible show – a concert of classical music with colorful musical fountains! The program succeeded, everyone was happy and received a confirmation of the next day's reception in a stomatology clinic, which works in the international projects' format! Why not have some fun? The following day confronted us with the most interesting... when we were checking souvenirs and albums it glanced at the window with its sunrays.
The bus reasonably and calmly «approached» for its parking near Lviv railway station for the disembarkation of passengers. That's how it sounds and looks for transporters, but we are not just passengers – we are friends, buddies, and kind colleagues. Tomorrow our trip will become a beautiful story. Everyone travels to their cities, exchanging impressions, business cards, and invitations... The parting will be a test for two participants of this fairy trip. Only Anya and I didn't leave the platform. At least, it seemed to us that way. We stood silently and stared at each other. What are words for when it was so much to say during the sleepless nights?
The train started its motion. It so slowly continued its movement on the track as if the driver wanted to lengthen our silent communication through the window. How he could know that we both had tears rolling down our cheeks, but each of us didn't want to show it. And we smiled through tears, talking with gestures while catching up...