Trust Me

A: Nice Picture by the way
you are looking relaxed here

N: what about your this pic? seems like this is some old one (more than year ago)?
and I felt very sad after talking to you today

A: no its a very latest one
maybe a month ago
sad
why
did I say something wrong?

N: I will tell why

A: ok
tell me

N: I am sincere person and I can't be something else
and you are lying one
and I lost hope you will change one day
so it always hurts a lot when someone you are completely open with
just uses you and nothing else

A: :(
ok
so because you lost hope
that's why you are sad?

N: no, because we can't contact in normal human way
I'm trying to bear for God’s sake

A: you are trying to bear what?

N: cause anyways it improves me.... but I feel like martyr :)
everything you are doing to me
you told: I wana come, send me a letter
do you trust me?
I did....

A: yes i trust you

N: no, I trusted you

A: yes

N: and you just lied to me again

A: no, trust me, i didn't lie but it was just that...

N: and I was ill for a month, very long this time

A: I went to P. early
otherwise I supposed to come to meet you
and then go to P.
I am so sorry
yes, that's not good from my side

N: Amir, listen, first you KNEW your wife was pregnant and about to give a child so HOW could you come here?
it wasn't possible
and then you behaved in such way that even then showed you just wanted me to believe but actually you even didn't try to get visa or anything
so i felt I was completely nothing for you
then you come and tell: we are friends...
funny

A: well
if i say something
you will not believe
so i think there is no need to give clarification
but yes i care about you

N: Amir, I was ill very seriously
why don't you understand?
it was killing to me
and I had injections daily
for the first time in my life since I was ill in childhood

A: I am really very sorry for this
but I was intended to come and i swear that
yes, i didn't applied for visa
cause I suddenly went for P.

N: ok but you didn't tell me a word
so next time you'll ask me: 'do you trust me?'
you know the answer... :)

A: your answer will be yes
I am sure

N: no, it won't
I was thinking
why in real you were normal person
and here you behave like someone who has no heart, no mind...
I am very sorry for such words

A: it's ok
i don't mind
you have seen my real face
in person

N: but who I am talking with NOW? who is killing me day by day? and time by time? isn't it you as well?

A: no
i am not
a stranger

N: once you told me: 'I am a devil'... you know I REALLY feel sometimes you are... at least for me
cause human just can't do such things with other human
well, over. But think about it... while praying next time

A: what to think?
i know I have done so many bad things to you
and I am really ashamed of it

N: ok, let's talk about something good for a change

A: sure
that's better

N: :) I don't know what is good topic for you
what do you want to talk?
movie you had no time to watch
about work we talked already

A: about you
it's best thing for me

N: about me :)

A: yes

N: there is one nice guy in our church I like :P

A: ok did he like you too?

N: yea, that's why I put my attention to him as well
he is always somewhere near

A: and I don't like it

N: well, I just told you that you may know
he is there about a year now
was on my dad's funeral as well
and he is in good relation to mom :)

actually when I come to church on Sunday
I do pray but also I meet many my good friends and relatives
so there is one girl who has a newborn baby
I took him today in my arms for a while
was such nice feeling :)

A: :) great
i know you want a baby

N: wanted
I don't think about it anymore

A: why

N: but I love children of course

A: well children are love

N: yea, they are

A: can i see you for a while?

N: Amir, don't spoil my mood, plz

A: ok i am sorry

N: :) thx
do you miss Aliza or glad to take some rest? I am not sure how fathers feel about a baby

A: no I miss her a lot
so so much
she started to talk in her own language that is very cute

N: yea, in this age one day is like one month
they change very fast and start to do new things very fast too

A: yea
growth is fast

N: what do you want now: to stay in Dubai or to come home?

A: well i am looking for a better job
so i can keep my family with me here
as Dubai is getting very expensive
so if i get good job i will stay and bring them here
otherwise
i will go back
or maybe come to E. :)

N: don't joke this way
I don't like it
you may joke about something else

A: well if you're not letting me to stay in your home
i will take home next to you

N: who is talking now? this stranger again?

A: no
it's Amir

N: you have a family

A: i know

N: what you will bring them here, too? :)

A: no
i will be alone
next to you
in my home
and will work whole day
and then come home
will make dinner
and will have it
in my lawn

N: you just told you miss your family so much
so what reason to stay alone in a faraway unknown country?
silly

A:  i will go and meet them
after some time
regularly
how you feel about it?

N: I can't believe you
if you’d come as you promised
and I saw you and we could talk - that was actually the thing I wanted the most - to see you and to talk to a NORMAL person
not to the one I see here...
but now, when I stopped to think about it, I can't believe it again

A: ok
so what we will talk about?
friendship?

N: that what I was asking you when we talked at day
we are not friends of course

A: then?
what we are?

N: tell me, I don't know

A: well I will not say anything
you don't trust me
so you tell me

N: I was thinking about all these things as I have time to think
I went through hell for you
got my divorce, E. passport
everything that was so difficult to get
and you...
so what can I tell now?
I'm even not sure what you were feeling to me
you told me all the time dif things

A: do you still feel the same?

N: so why come here and stay here? you are always confused...

A: no, I am not confused about you
maybe i want to come for you
and want to stay with you

N: MAYBE you see? maybe
the same as always
confused :P

A: nope
so i will come
is it ok now?

N: you can't come now
you don't work
so you can't get a visa

A: I will send you my new offer letter in few days
so you will believe me

N: ok
I thought if you just tried to get visa before... you may already come now or at least you should tell me REAL matter then
that we could discuss things in normal way
let's say bye?

A: going?

N: Vova is at home and he is asking me to do different things
and I just want to calm down a bit, Amir

A: i need some of your pictures
to see you calmly
possible?

N: Vova is leaving

A: so?

N: he is teaching me how to live :)
I mean he is messing me up a bit
as about pictures
you will come
why do you need pictures?

A: for now
right this moment
i was behaving good
so my gift for today

N: let's see some other days as well
I even haven't eaten anything since we talked at day

A: Why ???
Why didn't you eat anything

N: first I was too much sad
was trying to come to norm
then Vova kept me busy and now you

MofL, VI