Код Кипрского Кота

Это начало новой книги в серии JustFiction - в русском варианте книга называется "Иллюзии Кота насчёт людей".
Английскую книгу можно заказать через сайт "more books".
 русский вариант романа есть в РГБ (также есть и ebook, можно попучить копию дистанционно, зарегистрировавшись на сайте библиотеки, ещё есть в Питерской Публичке и в некоторых других крупных региональных библиотеках.) Текст английской версии более объёмный и подробный, так получилось, но в целом книги идентичны.

И вот что было дальше. Вы не представляете, как прав был Кот Киприян,
так интересно всё получилось.
***
Происшествия,
сопровождающие выход этой книги в природу, то есть, в свет:
Не далее как вчера, то есть, после истечения всего нескольких дней, как эта книга поступила в продажу, обнаружился удивительный факт:
ПЕРВЫМИ ЧИТАТЕЛЯМИ этой книги, ПРИЧЕМ В МАССОВОМ ПОРЯДКЕ, СТАЛИ ЕЖИ!!!!
и НЕ КАКИЕ-ТО ТАМ простые ежи непонятной породы, А ежи ЧИСТО АНГЛИЙСКОЙ ПОРОДЫ!!! Иные любители теории заговора
МОГУТ ПРЕДПОЛОЖИТЬ, ЧТО ЗДЕСЬ, как всегда в таких случаях,
БЕЗ ВМЕШАТЕЛЬСТВА МИСТЕРА ПАЛЬМЕРСТОНА НЕ ОБОШЛОСЬ.
Разберёмся.
Дело было так.
Вчера на улицах Англии прямо с утра (и что важно - не ночью, подчёркиваю) жители городов и предместий увидели странные демонстрации - по их человеческой территории среди бела дня шли угрюмые колонны истощенных молодых ежей. Конечно, тут же поползли слухи, что истощенные ежи не могут впасть в зимнюю спячку, потому что коты передушили всех мышей Англии. Однако катить бочку на котов, как говорится, чревато боком. Ведь если бы в природе было слишком много мышей и разных там крыс, то да, ежам было бы на чём жирок нагулять без особого труда, но эти грызуны, на самом деле, тоже причинили бы молодым ежам (и в целом, борьбе молодёжи всего мира) в их праведном стремлении сохранять природу), много бед.
   Ведь мыши и крысы больше всего на свете любят поедать книжную бумагу,
и особенно, бумажные переплёты.
  Но это, к счастью, не совсем так. Как сообщил мне мистер Палмерстон по беспроводной связи, всё дело в том, что ежи совершенно запутались во временах года - из-за того, что температурные колебания и переменчивая погода совершенно сбили с толку все их природные ритмы, и они никак не могут понять, когда им ложиться спать, а когда - пора вставать. В итоге ежи не успели наесться на всю зиму, и в таком тощем виде никак не могут уснуть, ибо если уснут, то весной вообще не проснутся.
По этому поводу уважаемый мистер Палмерстон, (а этот господин является солидным котом, проживающим по месту статусной работы, то есть на Даунинг стрит, 10, в отношении которого член правительства мистер Кит (и это человек!) инициировал парламентское расследование:
на предмет русского следа в следах кошачьих лап - о вмешательстве в DREXIT,
вследствие чего мистер Палмерстон был подвергнут политическим гонениям во время проживания там также и мистера Кэмерона, за то, что он, кот, якобы "мышей не ловит". В ответ мистер Палмерстон опубликовал  своё фото "В диалоге с мышью", где кот и мышь смотрят в глаза друг другу, тем самым, якобы договариваясь. Итак, кот оправдан -  дезавуировав наветы со стороны чрезмерно придирчивовго мистера Кэмерона. Это фото, равно как и другие фото, проливающие свет на эту мрачную историю, я, известный правозащитник котов и прочих живых существ, по просьбе мистера Палмерстона опубликовала в своей книге:
"Иллюзии кота насчёт людей" ещё в 2015 году. Читайте, и узнаете все подробности кошачьих дел.
  Что касается прав мышей и крыс, конечно же, то защите их прав будет посвящена моя следующая книга на английском языке - в русском варианте она называется "Сердце крысы" (написана в 1986 г., издана в 2006, в авторском триптихе "На арфах ангелы играли"), и некоторые мои друзья считают, что это лучший в мире роман о природе и человеке.
Ну, не знаю, не знаю. Я так полагаю, что все мои романы - наилучшие в мире книг, а уж мыши с крысами это всегда готовы подтвердить.
Что же касается измученных молодых ежей Англии, то врачи, которые со вчерашнен7го дня денно и нощно во всех ветклиниках Англии борются за жизнь ежей, призвали население Англии (и всего мира, призываю я) ставить у своего крылечка на ночь открытую упаковку с собачьим сухим кормом, или собачьи консервы.
Иначе вам всю ночь будут сниться голодные ежи - что вы сели голой пятой точкой на ежа.

A few words from the author

     Fantasy on the theme of the novel Natsume Soseki "Your humble servant cat"(1909), (literal translation of his book title), Japan, the novel by Georges Simenon just "Cat" (1967), Belgium, as well as "Apocrypha" and "Aphorisms about cats" Dmitry Kovrigin, the writer lives and works in Russia. Japanese and Belgian, writers of different nationalities living in different parts of the world, Natsume S;seki`s novel “I am a Cat” (eng.) and Georges Simenon's novel “Le Chat” (fr.) write about the same thing. The role of the referee, in their case, given the cat. Spouses, having got married, decided to live a happy life and together to meet old age, but over time, their attachment to each other develops into passionate hatred! The object of hatred becomes best friend of spouse – sorry, it was a lovely cat. Who will be the first victim of this strange game?  Tell The Cat.
***

Schr;dinger's Сat of the XXI century

   No dice, so I was just waiting for him to come forward. Good news. We live in historical time - in the 21st century has finally come true great prediction - cats are actively engaged in politics. For the American`s cat Stubbs really cast a vote almost all the inhabitants of Alaska, none of the candidates-people did not even come close to the coveted frontier. But also a little sadness: in the US, the other day died the only cat in the world, really and permanently held the post of mayor - 20-year-old Stubbs, the head of Talkitn in Alaska. Him already are looking for a replacement—, too, from cat-like. This redhead named Stubbs, a well-known fact that almost all life was the honorary mayor of Talkeetn in Alaska, lived for 20 years and three months. He was the fighter till the last day of the life: without ceasing meowing all day, asking attention or demanding to sit near it on a bed and to allow it to settle more comfortably, rumbling for hours on knees, — his owners declared. The owners of the cat already have a new candidate for the post of mayor — a kitten named Denali (he was named after a mountain in the South Central part of Alaska, the highest peak in North America): "Denali by nature is surprisingly similar to Stubbs, so beloved by the residents of our city as mayor, — says the family of owners of the cat-mayor. — He, too, likes attention, and with humans is behaving as a small puppy. We could not dream of a better Deputy mayor than Denali - he really always followed in the footsteps of Stubbs in everything, so let him inherit his positions. 
***

               
The cat, cunning prankster,
the most insidious cyber-chieftain,
to the Kaffir Queen, he sneaks…

               
Code of the Cyprian Cat, the famous CIB-ER-otoman 
Prologue

   A meticulous reader, after reading the novel, may fall into bewilderment - so our nameless cat is alive, or dead. A similar question   tormented, as you know, the famous physicist Schr;dinger. Let me remind you for those who have forgotten school physics. Suppose, there is a box and a cat. In the box there is a mechanism containing a radioactive atomic nucleus and a container with a poisonous gas. Parameters of the experiment chosen, so that the probability of decay of the nucleus for 1 hour is 50%. If the core breaks up, the gas tank opens and the cat dies. If the decay of the nucleus does not occur — the cat is still alive and well.
    Then put the cat in the box, waiting for an hour and wonder if the cat is alive or dead? Quantum mechanics tells us that the atomic nucleus (our cat) is in all possible States simultaneously (this is the so-called quantum superposition). Before we opened the box, the code—nucleus system is in a state of "core disintegrated, cat dead" with a probability of 50% and in a state of "nucleus, not disintegrated, cat alive" with a probability of 50%. It turns out that the cat sitting in the box, and alive and dead at the same time. According to the modern Copenhagen interpretation, the cat is still alive/dead without any intermediate States, and the choice of the state of decay of the nucleus is not at the time of opening the box, and even, when the nucleus only enters the detector. Simply, according to quantum mechanics, if the nucleus of an atom is not observed, then its state is described by a mixture of two States — the disintegrated and unopened nucleus, therefore, a cat sitting in a box and embodying the nucleus, and alive and dead at the same time. If the box is open, then the experimenter can only see any one particular state — the "nucleus collapsed, the cat is dead" or "nucleus disintegrated, the cat's alive". disintegrated, the cat's alive".
   Is that unclear? And rightly so, because the Schr;dinger also did not understand - the cat is alive or dead. But it is not all my life have struggled with the question "to be or not to be" - attached to a fundamentally uncertain cat. One day he fell in love with a particular girl and went with her to the beach. The audience, hypnotized by the phenomenon of Schr;dinger's cat, was amicably outraged, and Schr;dinger was made a public remark: «Yes is it permissible to burn through life with young twirls in such an advanced age? (The scientist was then thirty-eight years old.) Would understand, in the end, with this cat! »               
   Well, we understand, since Schr;dinger has no time, sorry, not to the cats, and he doesn't care about the cat, уes, we will deal with this problem. So, the picture taken at the end of May, 2016, shows a British admirer of the nameless Japanese Cat, the author of the Confession of the Cat, a work written in Japan more than 100 years ago - the name of this British cat Mr. Palmerston. He gave me some thoughts on this text, for which I Express my gratitude to the kind Palmerston, although this had consequences - MI-6 is not asleep.  So, the cat Palmerston, working in the Ministry of foreign Affairs of the UK, suspected of espionage and relations with Russia, this writes in late May, 2016, edition of the Independent.
   Just think! Honest cat - employee of the British Foreign Ministry, suspected of espionage! And the Keith! Yes, Keith suspected the Cat of being a Mole! And it's not Peking Duck.
   That was it.
   Conservative party member Keith Simpson at a meeting loudly questioned the patriotism and political views of the Ministerial cat Palmerston.
    "Did Mr. Palmerston verification with the security service and the government communications? Can you assure Parliament and the most paranoid supporters of leaving the EU that Palmerston is a true British and not a mole working for the European Commission?"- quoted by the popular publication of Keith Simpson. British foreign Minister Philip Hammond strongly denied the suspicions of conservative Keith Simpson in the espionage activities of the cat Palmerston. "The cat is definitely not a mole, and I can assure you that Palmerston goes through regular checks. As for his bed, I can say that he often sleeps in my own office," Hammond said, noting also that the cat, in fear of losing a prestigious job, has already caught three mice. It's not bad for a beginner.
     In April of this year, the British Foreign Ministry unanimously adopted a stray cat named Palmerston as chief Mouser. A new employee of the Ministry was found on the streets of London. He moved to the foreign office from the Battersea animal shelter. There he, as a "true Briton", given an exhaustive description: "confident and philanthropic", which bowed the workers of the British Foreign Ministry without hesitation to take him to a responsible job. With the arrival of Mr. Palmerston in the British foreign office things went much more fun:
   On June 23, 2016, more than 52% of the British voted for brexit in the referendum on leaving the European concentration camp, which in principle no one expected. Everything, even the infallible experts of RBC, predicted the victory of the supporters of the EU, but the cat Palmerston was stronger.
    If someone thinks that our Russian Ministry is free from such situations, I assure you, it is not. In the spring of this year on the roof of the spire of the WORLD of Russia from Smolensk square at a speed of 322 km/h dived two Peregrine falcons (I write with a capital letter, as their personal names are unknown to me - just peregrine Falcons).
    It is time to ask the Minister Lavrov: and whether the above-mentioned peregrine Falcons were tested for involvement in the security services, for example, Germany? They ringed the female. Very well, it`s got hitched, although what's the point. And the male? After all, while the female relaxes on the eggs, the male can freely go to Berlin and back. And this is a completely different color. After the publication of the following text on the Internet, the Americans abolished the most brutal torture in Guantanamo – by water. Or too were frightened of moles?  Sorry, cats. Truly, the arrival of animals in politics changes our world before our eyes - the higher the branches of power, the sharp cat's claws. By the way, in Japan there is a Temple of cats, built in honor of 7 cats, which in the 17th century served the Japanese soldiers faithfully, in Germany built a Cat Museum, and in Israel Mr. Kuklachev builds a Palace of cats, where will live homeless cats of the city, only a few thousand people.
   And how do cats live in people's world?

1.
Only the cat, rubbing your feet, rubs into the heart
1.
   It all started (or ended, sorry, black humor) with the fact that I felt so bad that worse does not happen. People, in such cases, say: "With this kind of even in the coffin will not put." What people do? Go, of course, in the kitchen. I went to have a beer to cheer myself up. It was as dark as a nigger's belly, but it was a moonlit night, and all I needed to see was. On the table were dirty glasses on a tray, just left the guest host, and in one of the cups on the bottom was muddy, sharp-smelling liquid enough for the cat amount.  To drink this muck. I do not want to, but we must try. This is enough to make the cat a little fun. I hope I feel better and learn to live this life a little easier. The worst thing about her is that you never know when you're going to die. It's disgusting. And need to tolerate. I write concisely, how to write a haiku, it's all subtext. So, if you've got one, go for it. Ha-ha. No. Mew-mew. I'm not an owl, but the cat. In advance, here's a tip: everyone should experience specifically in life. In уour life, not mine. Then it will be too late, who is interested in the moaning, barely coming from under the tombstone?