Time moveth very slowly in a monastery. I notice not how the days are passing, and at the same time my life moveth very slowly. I cannot bear it anymore. I want to die, I want to know another, eternal life. I want to meet God, angels, demons, saints, philosophers and religious activists, to talk with them, to know them personally, but not by books. Life in material world is illusionary. My body is so young, but I feel that my soul is very old. I think that I have lived enough. That is why I want to pass on the other dimension, but it seemeth that God wanteth this not if I am still alive. I pray Him to take me away every day, but He is lingering. It looketh like He needeth me here. But why? This tortureth my soul much.