Yoga, come on!

Story 1. I'll give everyone a chance

Давай - йога!
From statements by N. K. in pure Russion.


Once a dog named Barbos asked the famous yogi what is
this - the  meditation. The yogi thought for a moment, then said:
"This is indescribable!"
"Baobab!" -
  a guess flashed as a lightning in Barbosa's mind.


"Come, come on quickly!"
"Oh, what is it?"
-Here, meet our new yoga instructor, just from India.

And then an invisible hand takes my elbow and puts me in front of a thin boy of about nineteen in plain trousers and a modest shirt. He has got a radiant smile. They found someone to send! This is a present to our ladies over a hundred kilos. Baobabs, so to speak. They'll sweep him away! By one sneeze!

And when did he manage to learn yoga? Behind me all those ladies pushing, described above. Guruji, of course, does not know Russian, and they, in turn, do not know either Hindi or English. Only one of us knows Hindi, and it's not me. English, of course, is easier. And, this is about him was said, wheh leaving, the previous instructor that he knows English very well! Of course, it's nice to be persuaded. Yes, and he makes inviting gestures. And the look is downright pathetic. Of course, I came to dance classes, but yoga, ah, holy business! I'll skip the dance. How many times have I already missed on all sorts of minor occasions, for example, I want to eat. Our dancer drives so hard in class that the appetite is then irrepressible, and our earnings are not so...

Thank God, yoga does not develop appetite.Well, translate his instructions -
this is please, this is possible, only now Ishall change the dress on shalwar kameez, so as not to crumple. Well, I have changed my clothes, come back, and see that they were looking for an interpreter again.

"What about me?" I tell them. I took off your dress, and you don't recognize me? Here the guy's eyes flashed some enlightenment, thank God, he finally had distinguished me from the dress. I thouhht I'm more at home in Indian clothes.

Well, the class had started. And he says from the first words: don't worry, guys, that I'm in English, I'll learn Russian in two weeks, and everything will be OK.

"Well, you, the guy, impudent - I thought. What about case endings, huh?" and I bursted out laughing uncontrollably. Russian language is also spoken in some Indian accents(for example, Hindi), and then the Indians pronounce Russian words with such a pleasant softness, as only very sincere Russian people speak, but the cases...

I remember how one dancer told us before the concert: "you should have everything! Guruji this, Guruji that... Guruji would not wear your skirt!». Or as the previous Director of the center gave a speech before the concert,
speech, purely, correctly, but not a single case! The best number of the program was, by God, the whole auditory laughed, he had outshoned everyone, the singer from the Bolshoy theater,   who was singing sad an Aria of the Indian guest in perfect Russian, our adored dancer, and he tried so hard!

So I think and translate mechanically, and I note a lot of details to myself.And how! Very clearly and definitely.And you can see the hand behind it... masters. Who wrote that just as you can guess a great singer by one sung phrase, or a great poet by one line, so you can see a strong teacher by the first instructions?

And I share my impressions with my wards, and I can't help laughing with joy. And they laugh, too. And he asks, confused:
"What is it?» "Yes," I answer,"we are having fun and joking among ourselves."

I didn't realize at the time that he was the one who turned me on. Since about
I'll think about it, Oh! The heart jumps out of the chest and the intestines out of the stomach.

"And you," he says ," what do you not do, but only translate?» Here I am confused. Before the dance, in order not to starve, I had half a black Kirpich. And he from the first words warned -4 hours before classes-do not eat! I believe you! First of all: I can hear him talking, and secondly, it's written in all the books, and thirdly, I can see with my own eyes what asanas he does-every single one of them is kishkomotatelnye. 4 hours of not eating is always a stumbling block in yoga for me. I want to eat constantly, where can I put up with it for four hours?Yes, to do such asanas with such a half-brick that I have in my stomach-an attack of gastritis and three days of constipation are guaranteed."So and so", - I say, "I ate heavy food recently"
"Ah!" he says, and goes on.

Have you ever heard of the vajra Nadi and its functions? I haven't read about it in any book. And he, as if nothing had happened, explains and does not blink an eye.I listen, stunned, translate mechanically and think: my God, where did we get such happiness and for what merits?All the yoga instructors I knew went proud-important, they had knowledge only for the elite, they shared it sparingly with us, we ourselves had to get to everything, and did not think of it–unworthy, so stupid.There was a certain kind of awe-filled boredom in the classroom, and some of them had it, but here it was... enthusiasm... enthusiasm... laughter... so much new at once...

Well, the class ended, they thanked me for the transfer, the group went home, I went to the dance, and he was left in an empty classroom to loiter, because in the absence of the instructor, the next group ran away.I should have asked him about it, but I got carried away to the dance.

I arrive an hour later and he nods like an old friend. And I say to him: Guruji, you will have problems with the Russians. Because I see that he is trying to be first class, with all the details, and against our background, maybe and probably it will be a terrible disappointment for him."Why?»-asks. "Well, you know, the Russians have so many problems..." - and then my English ends, I can't tell him: "and all the problems Your students will try to pin on You. ""Well," I say, " many are very busy at work, they can't walk every day...»"I will make different groups" - says."What's your problem?""Well," I say, " for example, vision, myopia..."Oh, nonsense," he says,"it's Trataka who fixes it."This Trataka, by the way, I've been trying to do for twenty years, but it's not much use. "And for how long?»-wonder."What kind of glasses?"-Six.-Three months.

Oh, fresh tradition... Well, we studied, said goodbye to the hope of meeting tomorrow.And now I'm running to class, and he regularly sticks out of the window-either breathing fresh air, or studying us in a natural state.He sees me, and I, with my nearsightedness and weak glasses, see only a vague silhouette. Awkward, no greeting, nothing.

And when he needs to go to the Director or something, he throws the group at me. There are different groups. There are sensitive, obedient, there are cynical, obstinate.
One of my group says recently: "You are a sub-guru.» I answer him: "This is you subtly noticed that he is a nice guy, the ladies like it, but that already so under the guru... I don't know, in my opinion, there is no such need.»It's nice, of course, that some of his charisma is transferred to me, but it's not clear what this will lead to. He sees it, he has experience working with people, boasted once, but I do not, except that recently I started teaching mathematics, and never dreamed of being either a teacher or a doctor, God help me. "We will make a great teacher out of you,"he said.What impudence!! And I want to, they asked me?By the way, about the medical art. Recently, he showed a trick. We came to class one day just the two of us, with another girl. Well, we worked out, and then he asked us what we feel when we breathe, and suddenly he says to me: give me your hand.Please don't feel sorry. Scared as something says, with apprehension. I thought what he was doing, I was scared too, and then I giggled to myself: probably these Indian things that you can't touch a woman (wow, how then he turned around, shoved, pushed, and even slapped!). And he puts his hand on the pulse, which is clearly a pulse diagnosis, and I turn away from him and look out the window.

I have experience with psychics. One of them couldn't do anything with me while I was looking at him. I had already decided whether he was a charlatan or a braggart, and he explained offensively: "you're just embarrassing me. And once I decided to leave the person alone, turned away and looked out the window, I think, let him amuse his soul, wave his hands, and then I'll go home, then he did it, I already oiknul, how much. A stream of heat followed his hand!

Well, my hand is lying in his (that is, already at the yogi) fingers, like a piece of wood, there is nothing in it, and I calmly look out the window and think that what is happening, thank God, is not my responsibility. And suddenly something in my hand began to thump, thump!And one rhythm, and another, and something else!
A-a-a, connected to the right nerve impulses!
Uh-huh... well done!

He drops my hand and says: the element of fire prevails. I like this poetic wording. About the three elements: air, water and fire, he gave us a mini-lecture (such lectures he gives us at every class, and I sweat, translate). He asks: what, gastritis? Aha!The burning sensation? You bet! Wow, what a "feeling", I don't sleep at night! Then I see the fear in his eyes again. Well, what else is there?- Constipation?he asks hesitantly.

What else is interesting? Constipation, like an axe, classic-
chronic! The subject of many years of struggle. And the victory, I must say, is on his side, the bastards.Well done! Good diagnostics! And he takes the other girl's hand and after a while says: all the elements are balanced. I believe you!

Since we started studying, I have had an old pain in my shoulder from a bruise, a wart on my finger has resolved, I have learned to do shitali pranayama, I did not believe that my tongue-pampushka will curl into a tube.

And another interesting detail came to light in the course of the case. Age. Not nineteen, but twenty-six.Ah! Ah! That's what yoga is for. This is the right thing to do. We accidentally saw photos of him doing complex asanas. Have you ever seen the Scorpion pose performed in combination with the Lotus position, simultaneously? And the grasshopper pose? And all this is very easy, and on the face of the reflection type "how best to spend the next weekend". As one of our women said: "Ballet please don't worry."

One of the older groups says: "Phenomenon!» And I look at the schedule recently, and I see: two groups on Saturday, in a large hall for 60-70 people.
Clearly, this is to cover employees from 8 to 17.My God, when did this happen? The previous ones have one group, in the afternoon, Saturday-Sunday-weekend!
Drummer of Hindu labor!"I'll give everyone a chance!" he says.

Sometimes he compliments us that we are intelligent people. Who else are we? We have half a group of researchers from Moscow state University.Lomonosov. It is still something to praise us for the morning washing, for example. Although I don't wash, for example. Should I go wash my face today?Russian Russian, after all, he has mastered, the lesson is almost all in Russian: right-left, hand-foot, eyes close there, do not swing – at the level of a military PhraseBook. About two months. Only cases are too lazy to learn, and when I stick with them, he laughs. And in General, all the time he laughs, and behind him the whole group laughs merrily."Why, "he says," are you laughing?»"Just like that," I say.Yes, how not to laugh with joy, just looking at how it stands! Wow! How it sits! Back!I'll sit in a corner and watch the ballet while it rests.

However, I sometimes wonder from what cave the respected Guruji was extracted. Recently, for example, he asked us if we know what meditation is.Here we were at a standstill, but smart faces did. We read about this, of course, but how can you know that there is always something fundamentally new and nothing like it? He-de in the course of increased difficulty will teach us meditation. Well, well. And it's also amazing. Such a mentally-physically mobile, sensitive, cheerful, almost telepathic, and compliments to the ladies can not speak! And here it, in comparison with our men, seals sofa, strongly loses.And she can't dress. Well, this is common to all Indians. Probably, after the air southern clothes it is difficult to change to our spacesuits. Of all the people I know, only our dancer is an exception to the rule, so he was not in Paris for nothing.

Do you know such an anecdote? A peasant goes to the forest, stumbles, says to his leg: "May you wither!", and is surprised: "Look, I'm a sorcerer! The leg is really withered.
Well, he's a wizard, and I'm a prophet. Which, however, is very sad. We come to the next class, and there is no face on it. Here we go, he says:
"I have recently received a severe blow.

Then I can't speak, I can't think what he's saying, I can only see that the man is unhappy, and I think: "Who offended and who raised their hand?» My heart sinks.

He continues with bitterness and exasperation:
-I try my best, and a certain lady called the management and said that sometimes I leave 15 minutes before the end of the class.That's right, he goes to another class, not to drink tea. And I hear a pause. Well, never mind, we'll figure that out later. All this I do not have time to realize, only to hear, and only realize that some lady has offended him. She's a pig, not a lady.What if I said something wrong when I translated it? Thank God, Lakshmi translates what he said without me, then I also come to myself, the lesson somehow passes, we look, already laughing, moved away, so. The class is over, and I tell our class: I feel like I did something wrong. And they answer me: and we have too, and we understand you, suddenly something is not translated. Even the men are alarmed and say: although he does not know the language, but very accurately catches the intonation, suddenly we said something wrong.

And I remember that he added, " I know who did it." Then I start to wonder if he's wrong. Well, they say the group is now going to suffer and stand on tiptoe, to take care of myself hard. I came to the locker room, I feel upset, but I think "Don't give in to frustration, firmness, only firmness, will pass!» And suddenly they tell me: "Go, he's calling you!"

Well, I came up to him, and he said, " Don't worry, tomorrow I'll tell you who it is." My bag fell out of my hands in surprise: "How did he guess my thoughts?» And he looks at my bag which has fallen out of my hands and says: "She was complaining that I was leaving and throwing the band at you.Yeah, she also brought me in. So that was the pause! My heart skips a little, I don't like being attacked, but what can she do to me? Like anything.The next day, it turned out who this lady was. The one who always fights over a better rug. At first I thought I should check to see if she was still there. And he asks me if I should kick her out. Yes, Yes, it is still unknown that she can compose a new one."No," she says, " I'll go to the Director."

And the next day, the class begins with the Secretary coming and saying: - He told me to start the class without him, he's at the Director's.And today we have a group of increased complexity. Thank God, he gave me a cheat sheet in advance.In the middle of the class comes and immediately throws:"The lady who called the management and said all sorts of nonsense, I got permission to kick her out, but I won't do it yet.I look into her eyes. And her eyes are wretched-wretched. And everyone has eyes like eyes.

It! No doubt. After that, he throws himself at her for nothing, and then collapses on the carpet and lies on it in a relaxed position for the rest of the class, and I finish it.

And then I remember that she has my film, and on it my favorite shots: I'm in an evening dress with a bouquet of expensive roses, which a student gave me after the exam.She first rewrote me a tape of our dancer's concert, and then she saw this photo and said: let me make you a nice big picture. I still felt something wrong, but, alas! Seduced. And now " I " is in her hands. I asked for it back and I'm afraid it won't.

The next time he smiles radiantly, as he knows how, and says: "Aha, she realized that I was angry with them (she still has a daughter who goes to classes).
They are gone,and so is my film! That's what I told him. Then he grabs his head: "Why did you give it to them? They're tricky!» I answer: "Who would have known in advance!» And he had his own. "Well, I'm sorry," I say, to get rid of it.It's been like this ever since. And no one answers their phone.

One day at the end of the class, he says: "I'm not really offended, it's just the first time this has happened in my life.""You know, Guruji," I say to him the next time we meet, "it's Dawned on me why she did it. She was the one who fell in love and got jealous of me, that's all." "Really?» says he –"Daughter?» "No, mom, I just wanted to get Your attention."

India! 40 years old woman-an old woman, 60-walking fertilizer. What about us? 40 years is the most suitable time for a second young husband, or, at least,a lover.

I remember-I remember how he said that a person on average lives 60 years, so I did not believe my ears and translated that 70. So little? My great-grandmother lived 96 years old and still lived, if her grandmother in the grave is not driven, and my grandmother lived 94 years and would have lived if she hadn't driven to the grave mother. Isn't it boring to be a servant at 60? For a woman with a head of 60 years –the most flourishing.

And more troubles for Guruji. Two other people came to the next lesson for beginners. "Why didn't you come?»-asks.

My God! I immediately said that they will not go regularly, then they will not have results,then they will blame the teacher for this.

"I don't know," I say. Indeed, I do not know the specific reasons why they came.

...I was wrong to take offense at our center, I thought that they are interested in meeting people, and then "squeeze" them and recruit new ones. This probably happens automatically. And teachers try to keep those who are engaged sincerely. Especially our instructor.

To be honest: I count the hours left until the next class, Saturday and Sunday are my punishment. And those who do not come, I do not understand!