Mind Transformation 459

459.
ch, b - 15, ch, wa, r.
Dream: I was in a sort of a hospital having problems with my sinusitis. I met a few my old mates there. They seemed to have the same problem. One of them was shouting and his behavior was quite outrageous. Then I suddenly appeared at another place where I played a role of a Japanese warrior—pretty ashamed warrior I would say. I wielded a sword and hit a stone grave. There was another man, who asked me what I was doing. I wept neurotically and hit the damn grave. When he asked me, I said that I’m not myself anymore. I was lost.
Well, today I had a long walk in the forest. Planning to record videos out there. I guess tomorrow I’ll take a camera and go to make “natural” speeches in nature.
A short remark about things that I have to pay attention to: The second day I’m playing a lot of chess. More than necessary. Perhaps 5 hours each day or even more. As usual, this kind of thoughtlessness is justified by overwork, fatigue, etc.
Again, instead of finding an innocent way to recover from my intellectual and physical exercises, I’m dancing on a volcano. Is there any other way to “not doing?” Damn it! I can find meaning in any activity, so the relax is simply impossible. If I just lie in bed, I’m thinking, and it’s fucking difficult! If I go somewhere, I’m still thinking and plus there is physical activity involved in the process—
Okay, The games, especially chess, sometimes, of course, very helpful; but again, the problem is that all kinds of games are quite difficult to control and instead of playing just few times, I spend hours and hours as if I were really crazy. Am I crazy? Well—

To the beginning: http://www.proza.ru/2018/03/10/1530
Next: http://proza.ru/2020/06/04/786

See me on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC43fwC5DpfaJi3wGQO5b_ZA?