Letter to another mother

That is interesting that I could sooner or later convince any child to do what I wanted him or her to do. I never failed on this. At the same time I always failed to convince mothers to do what I wanted them to do for their kids
That is a Latter to the mother from the story  http://proza.ru/2016/12/02/2041
"Мальчик Майкл и Система"
At the beginning mothers usually say many things which give hope, but when the process starts and kids start to cooperate -then mothers prevent the process.
And all the energy going to mom , but there were never any success with any mom
Such a strange story, but I always did the best I could to influence mothers
That is one of the efforts

Dear S.

Although of course I cannot feel the way you feel in your situation and I'm not going to judge any of your decisions, but I thought that maybe some of my thoughts could be helpful to you
 
If we look at the issue differently
 
Instead of "what I want for my son?",
 
could be
 
 "what my son would want for himself"
 
Even if he cannot put it on words, but he must feel it in some way.
You say you don't like him laughing without a reason. Maybe he does has a reason. We don't see what he sees and what makes him happy. He looks so happy when he laughs.
 
 Once I asked an autistic girl about the picture of a child on the swings. 
"What this girl is doing?"
I was focused on a swings, consider it the important part did not see other things
 The answer was "She is happy...."
The girl on swings was full of joy and I didn't even saw it.
 
I believe those kids often become happy or distressed from something which comes from inside of them. They don't even need external stimulation for that. There is a lot of evidences that those kids are connected straight to "upper world"...
 
A previous boy I worked with was similar to your son in many ways. Sometimes without any reason he suddenly started crying. He cried so bitterly. Nothing could stop that cry, only him. It was heartbreaking. Maybe he realized his situation at those moments. Basically he was so alone inside, although of course he was always under somebody's "care". I tend to believe that it happened at the time when a new baby came along, took all the attention from family members. Besides, he grew up and siblings lost interest in him. Sometimes I even think that maybe it's good that mom still feeding and dressing him, so at least he has some mom's attention (even such poor as shoving food down his throat. Although maybe he cries about something else.  We cannot know. We only can guess

You said you know your son, he is capable of  doing a lot of things"
Now imagine-he is capable to understand things. And he is capable to think
Then what?
As any human being he needs to experience life in some way, but he doesn't have that opportunity at all.....
All 24/7 he is under  other people’s will, plans, wishes, power. Do this/do that, go here/go there. Imagine yourself in his shoes.
That is why I believe being in the room where he can move freely and do things he wants could be helpful to him. (That was my main goal for that letter-to convince mom to free the room he promised to give for her son, but then changed her mind)

 So far only things he can do on his own are to study pictures and snap his fingers. And even on this one he often depends on people to give him a picture he needs.
 Last week on the program Michael studied a picture of a girl I used to work with (the one who said "She is happy"-a very special girl). There were 2 pictures there, so I switched them in places putting another one easier to reach for Michoel. He ignored her, reaching far up the one he liked.
So, he is not just "looking at something, he has something on his mind"
Don't you want to know what is that ?
Don't you want to know what your son is about and share it with him?.
Don't you want to help him to experience life the best he could? Maybe it's even more important than learning how to dress independently...sharing the world of your child

Sometime the only thing those kids can control is bowel movement and they do it. I used to work with a blind autistic boy. He did exactly that and I gave him my support on it. Once my boss forced me to keep the boy on the toilet by force, according to official behavior plan and the boy bit me. I'd do the same if it was done to me. The boss says then "What do you want? They are half-animals" Well...when I've learned what things that  boss did in life -it was not human behavior at all, much worse than boy's biting
So, we cannot do any judgment, only trying  to help those kids
 
Some people think there is no point to invest in those kids- such a person will not bring any benefits to society. 
But is every able person an asset to society? I doubt it. Do people who steal, kill or abuse others have more value, than Michal, who just hugs everybody and does not do any harm?
 
Do you know about cases when autistic non-verbal children supposedly "mentally retarded", becoming  able to express themselves start writing poems or go to college and other kind of miracles happen to them.
 
 Don't you think depriving yourself and your son that belief in some miracle would be the right thing to do?