Empty jars

That was a moment I needed to choose fast. We've met each other exactly at the time i've just moved out from my parents to our summer house to start my own all-grown-up-life.

Then the summer was almost over and i needed to choose one: either to go back to my parents house, miraculously find a well paid part-time job to afford my own place, or.. to start a family with him. As in love i was that time, the decision was kinda easy. In your twenties, i guess most of the decisions comes easy. To see each other every day, almost all day long, actually, seemed like a dream come true. 

And it really was at the beginning. He was sweeter than i asked and i was happier than i deserved.

Then life happened, inevitably drawing the line. Day-to-day routine with it's less loving, less caring, less hearing. We got too close as you'd always said, meaning that it seems impossible to even imagine us apart. Well, look at us now. But it's not the "too close" thing that ruined us; it just fastened the process.

We all are born different. Colors of our eyes, shapes of our noses, our diverse dreams, beliefs, soft spots, pet peeves; some of us are more kind, generous or funny, when the others are exactly the opposite. The same way we all have those jars inside us, big and tiny, filled with love that you give to people around you - each for every person. You may have just one for your whole life, or don't have any at all.

When you meet each other and have that chemistry connecting you, that feeling is just one of the jars crack opening. Then the life happens: beautiful and sad, exciting and boring, filled with laughter and tears, meeting and saying goodbyes. Every day is filled with love from this magic jar you don't really know how deep is. When you start scratching the bottom, you still think of it as a coincidence and your pessimistic imagination. But then it hits you: it's almost over. For real. Collecting all that remains bit by bit doesn't really help. It feels fake already. You try to open a new jar, but you've been given only one key. And there is nothing you can do. Just store these fragile memory souvenirs in your empty jar and seal it within your heart. To remember. To envy. To tell future generations. To write novels about.

We don't know how many jars are there inside us. And whether we will experience them opening at least once in our lifetimes. What i know for sure, suddenly i found one of mine totally empty.

And there is no one to blame. Another love got used to the last drop. Everything is just the way it is supposed to be. Nothing is eternal. And when you feel it's over, just remember to do the most honest thing in the end – tell that other person that it already is.
#S
 
2019