5. Brother 16

She seemed to be floating over the city, floating on this endless night, over the sea of lights, and there was no one, nothing around - only she, night and the music...

Sasha tapped on the headphones, said something, smiling, but when he saw her face with huge black eyes from dilated pupils, the smile disappeared from his face. ("Again, something is wrong. And again not a word to me. What kind of friendship is it?"

Kostya did his homework, Vova did something for his karate lessons, Sergei, being a university student, struggled with equations.

Martha stopped the song.

- I say, you would record a whole cassette and listen.

Sasha again. But she didn't have the strength to answer. She didn't even have the strength to smile to him.

Why did I push you away?
She remembered and remembered endlessly... Where are those strong arms that hugged her so tightly? No one had ever hugged her like that. No one has ever kissed...

Why was I so stubborn? Now you probably think that I didn’t like you at all, and you don’t even know, stupid, how much I need you, how much, inexpressibly much I want to see you, hear your voice. And you will never know... Call to me!!!

And again the music saved her, standing between her and her despair, between her pain and this black mist that was ready to swallow her.

The thinness of the hands, the transparency of the eyelids,
Running of other times
Moonlight, diamond snow
An endlessly strange dream...
Here again is a night without love, without warmth,
In the space of ghostly dreams
Here is the night again, as if you burned the bridge, -
And everything goes downhill.
I wanted to help you, save you from trouble.
I wanted to help you -
I wasn’t given the time. Farewell... Sorry...

She could not stand it any longer - she ran to her room and buried her face in the pillow.

Everyone around was busy with their own business, no one noticed anything, only Aunt Lida suspected something or guessed with her feminine intuition.

- Why are you sad? Are you missing home, parents?

Martha shook her head.

- Then what? Well, tell me, I see there is something wrong...

And she told her the very essence that she met a guy, just twice, and now he is lost... She herself did not know why she was telling - there was no longer the strength to endure this torment alone.

- Huh! Found something to cry about! Forget and not even think of him! These are not the people who will meet. He just needs a woman... And you look for yourself a good guy, so with an apartment, with a car, understand?

Night did not help, sleep didn’t come. And when, at last, she fell asleep, exhausted by an incomprehensible pain, she continued to listen and instantly opened her eyes if it seemed that the phone was ringing.

"He never called!" - Was her first thought the next morning. Her heart was beating in some abnormal rapid rhythm, all the time she heard a resounding frequent beat, as if she was running.

Or maybe he lost my number? He came - I'm not there. And he couldn’t call either. And that’s why this pain – one for both of us… yes, it might be this way! After all, if at the beginning it was almost all the same to me, and now suddenly has changed so, then it is impossible for him to be calm, because he behaved much more ardently! If not pretending, - she immediately remarked skeptically. I heard his heart pounding. "I'm hot, but not because the window is closed." And now he probably thinks: she didn't come because she doesn't want to see me. What a wicked irony: I convinced him that he was not interesting to me now that I myself realized that we are suitable for each other! My God, what a fool I am! You're right, right! Why didn't I understand earlier? If this meeting had been accidental, as many others before, there would be no such pain now. Oh, Nutam! "

Trying to somehow occupy herself, she scribbled letters to Lyuda and Ira, splashing out some of her pain. But her heart did not calm down.

Probably, he is now just like me.
For some reason it seemed to her that this was so, otherwise she could not explain this storm that suddenly arose in her soul.

He doesn’t know anything except the phone number, and if the number is lost or is incorrectly recorded, then he thinks that he will never see me again. He can't find me.

And I? I know where his friend lives. I can go and ask ... But she immediately rejected the idea. Well, what will she say to his friend? There was another clue: she knew where he studied and the street on which he lived. “Hostel on Lomonosov Street. Do you know Lomonosov? " - and his face was so vividly presented to her. Yes, anything is possible!

Martha dressed and ran out into the street, where she spent the whole day in disorderly wanderings and agonizing thoughts.

And in the evening, when it got dark, she, relying now on information received from passers-by, then on her intuition, ended up on Lomonosov... and all her hopes scattered like a hut made of cards: a small street, two blocks away, was completely occupied by student dormitories. She did not expect anything like this... He is somewhere here, behind these stone walls.

Can't you hear my heart beating? Have you lied all the time - and lied not only in words? Have your pleading eyes, your strong hands and hot lips lied? You were so eager to convince, to restrain me, to prevent separation!
 
Tired for the day, she fell asleep quickly and slept without dreams, and in the morning, only opening her eyes, she felt: something had changed; she was still insanely sorry and her heart was beating in the same abnormally fast pace in her chest, but a break in the clouds had already dawned in front of her, and Martha realized that the worst part was over, and her strength returned to her.

“Either I will find him - and then come what may. Or I will forget without any hesitation, because it is impossible to live in the hell! "

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