From Soul to Soul

Once I start talking it's not easy to stop... so many thoughts and unspoken things I wanna talk about. Not possible with you. You're still the same, not able to go deeper, on the other level, still trying to manipulate, not realizing all your old tactics work against you now, destroying my feelings to you and our connection.

Still there are other ways your soul talks to my soul... directly. That's what I  wanna tell about.

The thing that you're asking... this picture you want... funny but this is in your mind. You just can't get it off! This was the reason of writing my tale "Secret weapon of the Queen": once, years ago, in the time of these fairy-tales jumping on me, I was walking in the forest, talking to God and to you in my mind... and I simply was shown in one bright moment how it was difficult to you to get this picture of us out of your mind...

Then it was interesting on your BD in 2017, four years ago. Yes, I didn't wish you but I always remember the day, you know... and that year the world around me reminded me and was, as seemed, celebrating your BD in own way.

First in the morning when I was at my kitchen preparing breakfast listening to some music as always my phone suddenly started to play unknown song: "STOP! I don't wanna loose you, got so much confusion..." it was so unexpectedly, and the song sounded so in your style, that I just forgot about breakfast listening to the song so attentively as if it was you directly speaking to me!
And right after the song I got the sight from you: "If you only might know how I feel sorry about what I did... If I only could change everything just to be with you..."

As I remember it was Saturday so in evening I was in church as usual. When I was on my back home the dark day suddenly became bright, there was the sun, shining behind clouds and very beautiful rainbow appeared right in front of my eyes. I even managed to take a picture.

Rainbow is known as a very good sign, as God promise of happiness...

And in the end of the day there was salute in neighborhood, right in front of my window where I was sitting in that moment.

So remarkable day as you see...

Then, not so long ago, before we started this time, I 'got' this: "Whenever something happens to me I just wanna talk to you about this... not to my wife, not to mom, to Nicole or anyone but only to you..."

I'm reading now this book "Dance and Word" and, yes, it sounds strange but somehow the book helps me to understand you... all these difficulties and problems inside you, all your 'hates'... probably you don't realize it but you not only love... you hate me as well... your desire to torture me comes from this feeling. I didn't write about this in my novel cause I was concentrating on other kind of thoughts and feelings. The novel tells mostly about me and my character... my way to see the life.

But I would like to write a novel about you, your complicated nature and your way of love and life... for that I have to see you again. Yeah, I have this kind of interest too, except that I love you still...

That's all I wanted to say for the moment.