I didn t mean to hurt

I didn't mean to hurt.
I wanted to share good vibes and happiness cause I know how to be happy and enjoy everything life is offering.

You can't be happy and you don't wanna let me be happy. Want me to die... It's so strange.

Many times I explained you this is not love, I don't know what is it... some mix of attraction and hatred.

I'm tender but you don't understand my language so I have to speak to you the language you understand - the language of hurt, giving pain and disrespect.

What was wrong in that I wanted to make your BD special? That I tried for you doing things which normally don't even come to my mind?...

I don't wanna quarrel.

First, I'm grateful for the idea cause I got such beautiful images, without you I would never have them.

Second, it's always up to you. Since you are married I never take active part in this 'so called' relationship.

Third, as you change everything so easily... and I have time for peaceful thinking... You actually don't have any right to ask or to have anything like that!

If you manage to come (in case you want it) then we will see, otherwise - no, sorry!

And the last...

I'm telling mostly for myself - to calm down, to make some order in my mind, not for you; you don't need any explanations, you never even answer anything...

In the beginning you were trying for me, you at least wanted to be better, now you let yourself everything and expect me to be patient and understanding... And I don't want! cause such kind of your behavior leads me to only one thought: why I need this person in my life? Someone who wanna me to die, trying to destroy me, to always endlessly keep me in waiting, playing with my feelings, spoiling my mood... Should I continue counting or it's enough?...

Well, I could let you improve me, to train my patience... but not in the case it becomes too toxic and dangerous for my health. Don't overrate my feelings to you. You want everything giving nothing. But it doesn't work this way.

Be kind at least to one woman! The one you already have. And let me go. Stop coming again and again. I'm staying alone not because of you. I just can't be with anyone. I need very particular person. As soon as God sends me a proper person, I'll surely take the chance. If not, I'm perfectly manage alone! I love own company, love my independence. I had some men, was three times in love, let's say it's enough for one life. It's you who is not satisfied, who wants something... I had this all. I fulfilled all my desires. Now I most of all want own... let's say "business", not romantic relationship or anything like that.

And more, telling as a friend: if you have a dream or a dream-place, go there, live your life in full! You never actually know how many years or months, or days you have ahead. So take life in own hands and live!

Thanks for being in my life, for every beautiful moments we had.

Of course it would be nice to see you near again. But not in this way, when you only torture me, waiting me suffer and miss you...

And I'm another kind of person. I told you clearly: I'm not the way I was. With your 'help' I became stronger. I don'
t depend on you anymore the way it was in the beginning when you could make with me whatever you wanted and I had to bear cause that time it was impossible for me to stay without you.

But not now. Now I can. Since I told you: "let's
stop, let say BYE" some years ago. And I meant it. It was not to make you afraid or just to try. I was ready and I did. And we said BYE in humanly beautiful way... You should not had have come again.

But you know what was interesting (strange): when the matter comes to you then "I love my wife and I should not be in contact with other women", but when matter comes to me then "we have strong bonding". Strange, why? Either we both have it and there is nothing about your 'wife' or anyone! Or we both have nothing and both are free!

Understand me?!

You can't torture endlessly.

Wanna come - come, see me, we will talk.

Can't or don't want then go to... Brasil and let me live! I don't wanna be cruel with you but I will be because it's the only language you understand, because first of all I love myself and if I need to protect myself from you I'll do it.

P.S. it was published BEFORE we talked last. Now I'm curious: did you listen to my thoughts and answered them?...

Or it was me who listen to all your doubts and wrote it down?

You may be don't realize this but you're giving so ambiguous and ambivalent signals to me...

Like: wanna come but not seriously

Soon will be in your arms but there's no flights and no way to apply visa for the moment

Missing you to death but don't wanna see and don't wanna talk

You're also my family, I love to arrange time for you, - and then disappear for weeks, months, years...

We will die without each other but let's stop and buy forever

I did mistake leaving you but let me do the same mistake again and again...

The problem is you talk to the woman with brain!

Also about our first meeting as you told: I did everything to brought you to Dubai. No, you just made condition and then paid the money, but to find the way, to get visa, to apply and pay for it even without knowing would I get or not, this was on me. So it was our command work as it always should be in love if a couple wants real results.

As it was with divorce when you supported me on every step so I would never go the way alone...


Well how to understand you now?
Then I'm getting this: listen to your heart.

Ok at least I know what my heart is telling to me.

I have to work with myself. Everything I do reflects on you, and vice versa.

Try!

It's not for your to break this bound.