The chunk 85 The message -541-

Olga's ex-husband — the former partner, was angry with her. He was beginning to realize that she had broken up with him.
She had even seen his tear-stained, swollen eyes once. It hurts. The pain of parting, even when love is no longer there, is unbearably sad. They lived together, even if not married, but as faithful and tender spouses, for 21 years.

The message - 206-
25/04
Hello, Ahmed.
Today's cold morning fits my mood. I was commuting to work, thinking about my "partner". I feel pain. He will be alone, having no home, maybe not be able to earn some money for supporting himself and renting a flat or a house.
I feel he is the closest person to me,  even more close than all my relatives and our daughter. He always was our “father”, her and mine. He was even more father to me, then to our daughter, because he almost didn't take part in her life. He even didn't ask what she was going to do after graduating from high school. He, I guess, doesn't know about her high results in school. Despite us telling him about it, he forgot immediately due to not being appreciated for her achievements.
He worked hard to earn some money,  but he is so dimwitted that he never had a good income. If he received money, he spent it all rapidly for petties. Never save something for the future. We have been living in a lack of money until I went to work. But as soon as I started working, he lost his job. Each time I have a job — he does not , I have not any work — he gets it.
Yes, he is kind and care about me and our daughter, but too stupid for to be creative, alive, vivid, vibrate. He is as primitive as an orangutan. His attitudes are not just simple, but miserable.
Also, he is an insatiable male. He is tender but not skilled, not delicate. I made all he wanted and even more, in the beginning, but he killed my desire by his tactless comments. I refused many sexual games, for example, I have not even kissed his mouth for many years and avoided each time he tried to kiss me. I am not mentioning more intimate things I refused. I liked having sex with him but I couldn’t do all the things I refused because I felt I would be dirty if I'll do it with him after all those stupid his words. Those words were not rude, but the meanings of them, his face… disgusting. So our sex also was primitive as all around.
I wanted to say only good things about him,  but...
Probably he could say many bad words about me and some of them would be true. I did many wrong things too,  and was selfish. Really I always told him to go away,  to create another family, to make other children,  but he ignored my requests. He always knew I'd leave him finally.
When my daughter was small,  I always called him "father",  not by his name. Or used his Russian name.
I don't want us to become enemies or strangers to each other. I would like us to be friends, even more — relatives.  He is my closest relative now. But I will live separately from him.

Бывший муж Ольги был сердит на нее. Он начал осознавать что она порвала с ним.
Она даже видела его заплаканные опухшие глаза один раз. Было больно. Боль расставания, даже когда любви больше нет, невыносимо тосклива. Они прожили вместе, пусть не в браке, но как верные и нежные супруги, 21 год.

The message - 206-
25/04
Hello, Ahmed.
Today's cold morning fits my mood. I was commuting to work, thinking about my "partner". I feel pain. He will be alone, having no home, maybe not be able to earn some money for supporting himself and renting a flat or a house.
I feel he is the closest person to me,  even more close than all my relatives and our daughter. He always was our “father”, her and mine. He was even more father to me, then to our daughter, because he almost didn't take part in her life. He even didn't ask what she was going to do after graduating from high school. He, I guess, doesn't know about her high results in school. Despite us telling him about it, he forgot immediately due to not being appreciated for her achievements.
He worked hard to earn some money,  but he is so dimwitted that he never had a good income. If he received money, he spent it all rapidly for petties. Never save something for the future. We have been living in a lack of money until I went to work. But as soon as I started working, he lost his job. Each time I have a job — he does not , I have not any work — he gets it.
Yes, he is kind and care about me and our daughter, but too stupid for to be creative, alive, vivid, vibrate. He is as primitive as an orangutan. His attitudes are not just simple, but miserable.
Also, he is an insatiable male. He is tender but not skilled, not delicate. I made all he wanted and even more, in the beginning, but he killed my desire by his tactless comments. I refused many sexual games, for example, I have not even kissed his mouth for many years and avoided each time he tried to kiss me. I am not mentioning more intimate things I refused. I liked having sex with him but I couldn’t do all the things I refused because I felt I would be dirty if I'll do it with him after all those stupid his words.  Those words were not rude, but the meanings of them, his face… disgusting. So our sex also was primitive as all around.
I wanted to say only good things about him,  but...
Probably he could say many bad words about me and some of them would be true. I did many wrong things too,  and was selfish. Really I always told him to go away,  to create another family, to make other children,  but he ignored my requests. He always knew I'd leave him finally.
When my daughter was small,  I always called him "father",  not by his name. Or used his russian name.
I don't want us to become enemies or strangers to each other. I would like us to be friends, even more — relatives.  He is my closest relative now. But I will live separately from him.
Сообщение - 206-
25/04
Привет Ахмед
Сегодняшнее холодное утро соответствует моему настроению. Я ехала на работу, думая о своем "партнере". Я чувствую боль. Он останется один, не имея своего дома, может быть, не сможет даже заработать немного денег на содержание себя и аренду квартиры или дома.
Я чувствую, что он самый близкий мне человек, даже более близкий, чем все мои родственники и наша дочь. Он всегда был нашим “отцом”, ее и моим. Он был для меня еще большим отцом, чем для нашей дочери, потому что почти не принимал участия в ее жизни. Он даже не спросил, чем она собирается заниматься после окончания школы. Он, я думаю, не знает о ее высоких результатах в школе. Несмотря на то, что мы рассказывали ему об этом, он сразу же забыл, потому что не способен оценить ее достижения.
Он много работал, чтобы заработать немного денег, но он настолько туп, что у него никогда не было хорошего дохода. Если он получал деньги, то быстро их растрачивал. Он никогда ничего не откладывал на будущее. Мы жили без денег, пока я не пошла на работу. Но как только я начала работать, он потерял работу. Каждый раз, когда у меня есть работа — у него ее нет, у меня нет никакой работы, — он ее получает.
Да, он добрый и заботится обо мне и нашей дочери, но слишком глуп, чтобы быть творческим, живым, ярким, вибрирующим. Он примитивен, как орангутанг. Его отношение не просто простое, но мерзопакостное.
Кроме того, он ненасытный самец. Он нежен, но не искусен, не деликатен. Я делала все, что он хотел, и даже больше, вначале, но он убил мое желание своими бестактными комментариями. Я отказывалась от многих сексуальных игр, например, я даже не целовала его в губы в течение многих лет и избегала каждый раз, когда он пытался поцеловать меня. Я не говорю о более интимных вещах, от которых отказалась. Мне нравилось заниматься с ним сексом, но я не могла делать все то, от чего отказывалась, потому что чувствовала, что буду грязной, если сделаю это с ним после всех его глупых слов. Эти слова не были грубыми, но их значение, его лицо... отвратительны. Так что наш секс тоже был примитивным, как и все вокруг.
Я хотела сказать о нем только хорошее, но ... ..
Вероятно, он мог бы сказать обо мне много плохих слов, и некоторые из них были бы правдой. Я тоже делала много неправильных вещей и была эгоисткой. На самом деле я всегда говорила ему уйти, создать другую семью, завести других детей, но он игнорировал мои просьбы. Он всегда знал, что в конце концов я его брошу.
Когда моя дочь была маленькой, я всегда называла его "отец", а не по имени. Или использовала его русское имя.
Я не хочу, чтобы мы стали врагами или чужими друг другу. Мне бы хотелось, чтобы мы были друзьями, еще больше — родственниками. Теперь он мой самый близкий родственник. Но я буду жить отдельно от него.