The chunk 118 The message -578-

Однажды в Японии Ахмеду попался давний фильм о влиятельном японском модельере Йода Мацумото. Мягко улыбаясь, тот говорил: “Все мужчины живут в своих фантазиях, идеях, воздушных замках. А женщины — в реальном мире. …Если бы я должен был выбрать другую профессию? Какую бы я выбрал профессию?... Какую-нибудь женскую... Я бы сидел дома и ждал... Моя жена ходила бы на работу. А я бы садился у окна, читал книги и ждал когда она вернется домой. Красота! Это настоящая работа. Всегда нужно быть добрым и ласковым. По-японски это называется "химо", то есть веревочка. Это особая профессия.”

Да, жизнь мужчины в Алжире такая: кто за него постирает белье, починит машину и помпу, приберет в доме, почистит и погладит вещи, сделает посадки в саду, сходит за покупками и приготовит еду, сделает ремонт, пока жена на работе? Женщинам это не под силу, они слабые. Их забота — обеспечивать семью и все время учиться на благо Федерации, свобода и равенство в которой дались так трудно.
Еще нужно выглядеть приятно для своей жены и быть с ней ласковым, чтобы ее не потерять, это японец верно заметил.
Алжирский мужчина должен иметь полезные связи, или удачную жену, или выглядеть идеально, или быть очень умным и хорошо образованным чтобы удачно устроиться в жизни. Особой красотой Ахмед не обладал, но он умел быть приятным и живым, и был очень умным.
Ахмед чувствовал гордость за алжирских мужчин: домашняя работа никогда не казалась ему унизительной и не была ему в тягость, и у Ахмеда всегда было время почитать, как и у японских женщин.
“Мой собственный опыт таков:” — продолжал модельер: “я — единственный сын у матери. Моя жизнь посвящена этой удивительной женщине. Все затевалось ради нее. Нашим миром всегда правили мужчины. Это мужской мир. Поэтому я должен постоянно ее оберегать. Я почитаю женщин и, создавая модели для них, я как бы говорю: “Могу я вам помочь?”
“Все изобрели мужчины, это правда." подумал Ахмед, — “Мы живем в цивилизации, которую полностью создали мужчины. А теперь женщины ее перестраивают, и это колоссальный прогресс магрибской цивилизации! Фильм давний, середины восьмидесятых: уже тогда японская пропаганда делала попытки внедрить среди населения Японии  новые, прогрессивные взгляды на гендерные отношения. Однако ментальные установки любой нации крайне инертны и нелегко поддаются неловкой рекламе. Японцы в те годы говорили что Берберо-Арабы обабились: это была лишь имперская заносчивость патриархального разлагающегося общества и страх властвующих мужчин лишиться воображаемых выгод неравноправного гендерного распределения прав и обязанностей в частной и общественной жизни. Их система не прошла проверку временем и теперь они перенимают наш успешный опыт, но очень медленно...и все же… теперь даже в Японии работающие женщины норма, но число отраслей где им это позволено, ограничено и реальной свободы, такой, какую имеют и женщины, и мужчины Алжира, у них нет."
Контраст отношений в обществе: мужчин и мужчины к женщинам и женщин и женщины к мужчинам в Японии и в Алжире до сих пор поражал Ахмеда. За 15 лет жизни в Японии невольно привыкаешь быть таким же снобом, как азиат, по отношению к женщинам. "Наверное, такая подсознательная перемена в моем поведении и была причиной раздоров с женой. Я стал слишком жестким, маскулинистом." -- иногда размышлял Ахмед. Все же даже спустя 15 лет жизни в Японии Ахмед чувствовал неловкость когда коллеги женщины-японки низко кланялись ему: всегда ниже, чем он кланялся им.

The message - 289-
Hello, bh.
Today the moon is so bright that it seems unreal, it seems all around are decorations. Just the sound of wave's surf seems natural: it is too difficult to mix different sounds that a man could not create. The moon is hanging up over the sea.. Today is dark-indigo sky and the wide bright reflection of the moon is lightning in the waves to the very horizon.
I was in a dolphinarium today. As soon as the performance just started I began crying, don't know why. There were many thoughts about my and my daughter's childhood, about dolphins and fur seals that I was watching..about destiny, I couldn't stop. I cried for all those two hours. I made many videos for my daughter. She said she doesn't like performances like this one. She said, it's boring and sad.
After that I went to a small church in Alushta. It was built by Torichelly in 1842. It's unusual for orthodox church. I made a small video and again started crying. Something is wrong with my eyes today.
I think it's more an allergic reaction to my anti-sunburn cream. I stood near a small observation deck when a man came down and started to speak to me. He tried to speak, but hiccuped. I advised him to take a deep inhale, then to make his stomach round and stop breathing. I was counting until 40. It really helped him, he could speak in a normal way. Told me about himself, his life shortly, and asked about mine. I don't come here looking for a man. He gave me some hints, tried to make an acquaintance, gave me his number, and I made a video with him. I didn't like him. But I was glad to talk with him. He told me about his life and work here. He is from Krym.
Also I met today that guy I met before the rain started yesterday (I came yesterday absolutely soaked by water). He invited me to swim together because I told him I hadn't done it yet. Today he called me and I was talking with my daughter, didn't take the call. I don't want to meet him because he is much younger and I was amused that he invited me. My daughter said he could slay me somewhere :) He recalled me later and I refused to meet because it was too late. I like sometimes to talk with people, men or women, but it would really not be reasonable to meet at night on a beach with a stranger. One old man saw that man followed me so persistently and told me to be dangerous in the city: he joked that someone could steal and sell me:). I said I do not fit well. He replied that each good has its buyer.
There now, street musicians give a rock concert again. Why am I made so that I am thinking not about their songs but about their life, their way in life and about their daily routine? Why am I interested in your private life, not in your inside shell, not in invented-by-you-image? The shell is an emptiness, a dankness indeed: the most interesting is inside.
Okay, I'm going home, tomorrow I need to get up early.

The message - 290-
Hello, bh.
I am in the center of the main tourist street. I am sitting in front of a group of street dancers. There are so many different sounds from all around: music from restaurants; ads, announcing a comfortable, as they claim, launch;  loudly speaking people; mechanical music from an attraction; screaming and laughing of children. I feel tired of all of the people, noise, colors, lights and smells. I am not made for this kind of spending time. I cannot enjoy such an atmosphere.
Several days ago I noticed this bench under the pine tree where I wanted to write the letter today, but it's so uncomfortable here, I'm going to change my location soon and will continue..
I've found a new place at least… I live near the part of the embankment called 'professor's corner'. It's much warmer here at night and more aromatic due to the larches, pines, and cedars that smell down with warm air from the mountain on the beach of the place. The rest goes down, and the professor's corner is placed in the mountain. Here I can listen to the sea downer of the embankment.
Today I made a trip to other towns and villages of Krym. The destination was the cape Faros and Faros church that was built in 1888 on a peak. Honestly, I decided for myself it's better to go on wild trips, alone or with several people. This time I was with a group. Probably for the first time it's good ...but I doubt I will return to these places again. Yes, there were awesome landscapes..but there was something artificial in the way I got to the place. Imagine, I went somewhere and surprisingly saw a fine place..
I spent an hour and a half at the beach, but I couldn't swim or even go to water: firstly I still have red days, second the water was cold for me.Third, I don't like to sunbathe, and I also feel uncomfortable being almost naked among people. There weren't any civil places to hide myself from the sun except a cafe at the beach. But it was full of naked, smoking people.. I found a big stone and was sitting there. I tried to go in the water, but it was very cold, the pebbles were almost boiling, I burnt my feet. How can people tolerate such suffering? I was killed here and felt absolutely disappointed and astonished.
Then we took boats to go further and spent half an hour. How amazing the sea waters! I could see its surface for hours. It admires me. What is the secret of its beauty?
Yesterday evening I went for a short swim in the sea. And then I stood in waves by my legs only, giving a good massage. Cold. But the sea foam is so tender..
I miss you.
I want to sleep, it's 23 here.
I think about Ahmed, an empty shell of him you are within it ..

57
23/08

usually i think heart to heart exchange message need good communicate with.
always i think i need attentive heart.
of course i don't forgot respect.
usually many peoples different way of thinking.
i accept at all.
it is natural that the way of thinking is different.
but i think very important things trust to me.
i hope you a nice day
always warm and caring message thank you.
of course i trust you.
from japan.
for you.
my short message