The chunk 151 The message -905-

Шла великая стройка. Формировались каналы, по которым текла река: разжиженный строительный материал поступал в самые окраины тела. Упоение грандиозной стройкой сменилось озабоченностью. Нужно подумать о будущем. Ахмед собрал все силы в одной артерии и начал стратегическое наступление в направлении, которое было отвергнуто вначале. Снова он выбросил длинные развед-нити…

The message -387-
Hello, Ahmed.
21/11/2020
Здесь он очень симпатичный и почти веселый. У него ироничная полуулыбка, проказливая, шкодная, еле-еле заметная. Немного не вяжется с теми серьезными вещами, о которых он говорит: но я не могу непосредственно понимать его речь, только прочитать переведенные, оторванные от видео субтитры. Красивый язык, так и хочется начать учить..наверное, это было бы легко, после английского, и произношение простое. Я люблю иногда слушать чужую непонятную или почти непонятную речь: китайский, тамильский, корейский, арабский, японский, французский я слушала в фильмах на этих языках. Мне нравятся движения его губ: зубы настолько, видимо, кривы, что губы в процессе речи и в полуулыбке растягиваются очень сексуально, я бы сказала...нежно.
Звероподобное общество? Что такое ужасное происходит в Алжире? Почему он олицетворяет власть имущих со взбесившимися волками? У меня фамилия, кстати, означает "волк"...он случайно упомянул именно это животное?
 
I translated your French videos. It was easy, but still it is difficult to grasp in the speech because of the bad translation. I could make out a little in this. But the main noise of your thoughts I got.
You know, honestly, I thought that your roots were from peasants. You looked like a guy from a very poor and simple family. I don't know what it means to be grown in a working area of Algeria being white in a family of a school prepared classes teacher..I think your family was intelligent and parents clever if they had grown such a kind of son and other fine children. They made the best for you all: encouraged you to study. It was a good start in life. I can imagine all the difficulties you were treated through in your teenage years. You know, those people who were wild savages in those years, and their parents still form the Algerian society. 
It is from news: "Russian President Vladimir Uptin believes that humanity, despite its high level of development, has lost its landmarks and meaning of existence. And the coronavirus pandemic can become a starting point for transformation." Interesting topic, you ; know…
The message -391-
Hello, Ahmed.
22/11/2020
Again a beatiful number.
It's 07:40 now in Yutmen. I had a bad dream. My daughter again didn't enter a University. She again applied to the uni. She only has the hope that she will enter if she is lucky. I rebuked and scolded her. She is wasting time sitting home. Until she is young she should study. I am afraid I will die soon. How will it be possible for her to get a good education.. any education ..if there will be nobody to support her? I even cried in my dream and woke up from that. I don't know what she is interested in. She talks with me mostly about what to buy and about her friend who comes to our home often. She is studying medicine and her mother is treating cancer in France. I start thinking she doesn't have other interests, otherwise she would share with me. It is very disappointing. I don't expect any achievements from her but want her to find her place in life and could support herself at least. She is snobbish. I don't like it at all. She is not curious, not kind. There's something unpleasant in her image.  But she remains some sense of justice. Many things I did and said wrong when she was a small kid. It is my fault what she is now like.
I said I would like to die soon and I am not contributing any emotions in this will. It is my sober wish. I am not useful anywhere, needed or loved by anybody, I am just a garbage from a human being. It would be right to utilize me. I don't mind.

Today I put on thick makeup to hide my lids a bit swollen from morning tears. It looks horrible. I hate my eyes. They are too big and old. Today I was forced to put on lenses instead of glasses because it completely fogged up if I am wearing a mask outside and two times lately I have chosen the wrong bus due to mistaking its number without glasses. My eyes are so big with eyeliner on it and without glasses which usually makes them much smaller..I hate my face. I will delete all my images again from all social networks soon for nobody remembers me. My body (I felt emptiness inside it and my thoughts were far away from the bus where I was sitting) was commuting to work as a bag that was put there for transportation. I forced myself to get out of the bus and to move by the body’s legs to my office. It was not easy.
Today morning, as usual, he came to wake me up, sat at my bed and held my arm looking at me. And I was about to drop tears due to my bad dream. I tried to hide it. He said that today is his day off and asked if I wanted fried eggs. He prepared breakfast for me. For himself he made some coffee with a sandwich. He never eats a full breakfast. I am lucky I have such a man..had. I am glad we can remain friends. Yesterday his relatives gave me their hello from Azerbaijan. Almost every day he is talking with them. They heard I called him for supper and were surprised by my caring. They thought we became enemies and indifferent to each other.
No, I will not go to the training today without my glasses. My glasses defense me from the world as a shield. I would like to hide myself behind my glasses as a turtle hides itself in its shell. https://www.deezer.com/ru/track/963785792