The chunk 206 The message -957-

08/April/2021 France

– Madam Russell! You are known to give names to your pets. What did you name this strain from Algeria?
– Ahmed.
– Why Ahmed?
– Ahmed is a very common name in Algeria. And this strain is the most typical representative of slime molds in the nature of that region. My colleague from Algeria discovered it on an old trunk of cedar in woods near Tizi Ouzou. This particular exemplar is very big, fast, and clever. We call him jocosely Blobi Wan Kenobi.
– The Blob was found in the woods in an active state. But we know that in the cold period of time slimes can be in a sleep state… Could you say, how old is it?
– This species of Myxomycetes can spend several decades sleeping, but I can't say exactly how many years Ahmed spent in the condition.
– Sara, could you briefly tell us about the future astronaut?
– Okay. Physarum polycephalum. Dans la nature, on le trouve en milieu humide, dans les sous-bois. Il vit ; l'abri de la lumi;re et ne supporte pas la chaleur. Ni animal, ni champignon, ni v;g;tal, cet ;tre visqueux qui ressemble ; une omelette. Biologiquement immortel, d;pourvu de cerveau et de syst;me nerveux, il grandit en divisant ses noyaux, se d;place ; la vitesse d'un centim;tre par heure et a d;j; montr; qu'il ;tait capable d'apprendre, de se souvenir ou encore de transmettre des informations ; ses cong;n;res. Ce myxomyc;te, qui appartient au r;gne des amibozoaires, est facile ; ;lever, sans danger et r;agit rapidement puisqu'il double, voire triple, de taille tous les jours lorsqu'il est dans de bonnes conditions. Il peut aussi dormir quelques d;cennies si besoin.

Physarum polycephalum. In nature, it is found in humid environments, in the undergrowth. He lives in the dark and cannot stand the heat. Neither animal, nor mushroom, nor vegetable, this viscous being that looks like an omelet. Biologically immortal, devoid of a brain and a nervous system, it grows by dividing its nuclei, moves at the speed of one centimeter per hour, and has already shown that it is capable of learning, remembering, or transmitting information to its fellows. This slime mold, which belongs to the kingdom of Amibozoa, is easy to breed, safe, and reacts quickly since it doubles or even triples in size every day when it is in good conditions. He can also sleep for a few decades if necessary.

The message -516-
10/April/21 Russia
Hello, Ahmed.
I need an observer.
Do you know that the way of thoughts changes when the process of thinking has an observer or a supposed possibility of that?
I desperately need you in the sense that I want to change myself. You are a significant person to me now.

A week or two ago I placed the first 57 chunks on a Russian site for writers. About 80 people have read and reread that garbage, but I think they are moderators. And they don't inspire me, but you are.

You were the best hypothetical observer.
I can't write something since I left you, and lost your even hypothetical attention.
I need you, I am awfully sorry

Let me visit the Telegram account. I don't demand your attention. I deleted both of my Safebook accounts and I will never disturb you again...

Today I am ill. I have a runny nose, pain in my eyes, a bit of fever and my skin pains too, all the muscles too...

Don't reply to me, just don't block, please
Thank you for your existence in my life, Ahmed!

PS: In case you will have read the end and decided to let me live here: Also, please, keep silent. Don't reply to me, please, never, Ahmed, don't give me even a word, don't make my heart pain, please
Good night, Ahmed

The message -517-
Russia
Hello, Ahmed.
At least one thing is constant in this life: my English was horrible, is disgusting, and will be intolerable. I got hardened in my ignorance and I am not capable of studying. But I cannot refuse myself in meetings with my black guy.
Yesterday I worked at home: my hirer offered me half of my daily wage so that I could work from home that day. I had a fever yesterday, again, so it was nice of her. Today I am at work and feel much better. My daughter said she had a fever last night too. And my ex was very attentive to me and ready to help. He works a lot and some days we don't even see each other due to him coming home at night. And his chances to catch a virus from us are tiny.
Yesterday I tried to earn some money by playing with stocks. I did only about 200 rubles from 12000 rubles. It took three hours. I hoped to earn more, of course. But sitting home I tried at least to earn that sum I lost being ill :) I wasn't successful but I consider the skills here as necessary so I'll continue and invest bigger money. Something is better than nothing, it's true.
My letters to myself are a great thing. I wrote addressing you and then I started thinking about you as if you are a real man, but we know you don't exist indeed: for me, I mean. I have no desire now to see you and your news. I hope I lost my interest in you. It's fine because it was a huge pain sometimes.
The matter is I don't believe in myself and never believed. I always was unconfident because I always was extremely strict with myself, what I cannot say about my relation to other people.
I have a mirror in my room. It is an old mirror which was set off a dressing-table bought by my parents forty years ago. Now it is put on a stack of books in one of the corners of the room. It was made from beech wood and valuable wood veneer, and is covered with a thick coat of varnish. Beech was grown somewhere in Romania, where the furniture was fabricated, and the veneer is from Africa, I think. Black hands touched the material...were that male's or female's hands or hands of a kid? I would like to see that beech forest. I guess that the veneer was made from a tree looking like a thin crooked bush, not presentable. Very often people do something fine from not presentable things. Those things can be real or imagining, fully abstract. It is most inspiring to each person when something is made from nothing. But our customers mostly are asking why it costs so much if it was made from almost nothing :)? You are my "nothing" that I used for making "everything".
Every day I look at myself in the mirror. Mostly, honestly, I look at my ass. The mirror is set in a dark corner, so when I stay one meter from it I cannot see my head. I look at my figure. Each morning I put on my stockings and go past the mirror to a bathroom to wash my face. I always stop here to look at my ass. I don't know why. Maybe because I feel I look better than one year ago when I started attending my gym, or because I saw so many twice-younger me girls with horrible forms and cellulite on their legs. Probably I feel satisfaction and pleasure. I press my stomach to my back to make my waistline more noticeable. I always think my ass is too small for the taste of a male. But this fact doesn't touch me. I like myself enough to not hate myself, at least.
What else can I see in the mirror? Small breasts. I read Bulgakov. In his "Master and Margaret" he described a witch Hella: she had breasts that looked like porcelain door handles. I think I have the same but a bit bigger. My ex always said that a fit-to-a-man woman has to have such big breasts that can be cupped by his hand. Bigger hands — bigger breasts. He has small hands.
Also, the mirror reflects my figure in general, my gestalt from all the appearance. Why do we spend so much time in front of a mirror? Don't I know my figure and face? Somebody will change his or her feelings if I don't look at myself? How did people live without mirrors? Are there any experiments in depriving people of mirrors? Will I change all my mirrors on the best man of my life? In case of a positive decision would I be confident and happy without mirrors? I guess he would become my mirror and I would be dependent on his look at me. That is what all women and maybe men look for in a partner. A partner replaces all the mirrors. That's why I like your eyes: they are capable of expressing admiration. Which part of love is love to ourselves in others?