Mission, Addiction or Something else?

-"Unfortunately, instead of continue to develop my system further, so it could benefit kids, it seems I am busy with the proving hypothesis of staying away from the world of normal people."

-What does it mean? Why do you have to focus on your hypothesis instead of on your method?
In order to develop my method further I have to work with kids as everything I take from practical work with them. Kids depend on adults, who have their own ideas. Its mostly frustration as our goals are  different

PARENTS

The picture of a boy with a flower. Seems as a cute picture, but brings inside of me not so cute memory
I used to work in a school with those kids and their parents and developed a project to teach parent to help their kids to become self-sufficient, to kids become subjects instead of an objects. Parents habitually tried to do things for kids. For that certain conditions require, as a big class where every kid had their own place-a table and stuff he was responsible for and where I could ask parents to stay away from kids and let them do things independently. Everything worked great, except of a main teacher, who wanted to control my work instead of having productive cooperation which I offered to her. She decided to take a class away and offered instead a small cabinet next to her. I refused and left. Our class for long time stayed empty
Parents and kids were upset and I offered them the Project, which I developed working there. We started to work in Red Cross. Director seemed like it and promised to gather all parents to discuss the Project. I wrote an application for grant to the government. Waiting time was a long. Eventually there was a meeting, but only those two parents came. Those 2 parents I offered the Project, where they could develop their kids and get money for that.
They created their own NGO based on my idea, but with different goal and without me, promising to hire me later as a specialist. They created a usual organization-having fun -taking trips, making parties, getting presents, doing some activities with kids as that flower. Photography they use to display work, they are doing. I did many things like that working for System.  Activity set can be expensive and a child could do the minimum work, usually adults make big portion of it. The main goal is to report expenses and display the result. Kids there are just an object in process. It’s not bad-it’s a social thing, communication, etc. Kids become a part of the community
My goal is different- not the result, but the process itself, according to the child capacity to perform and I use almost nothing for my activities. Material for activities could be stuff around, empty boxes from cookies, bottles covers, tape, old buttons, but kids learn a lot. Activity should correspond to child ability and be a little bit more complicated

BLACK REALTOR

Anyway because of that story I lost my residency and moved to Albania. My mind was so full of that Project, as I tried in my mind to improve it. My mind was full of it and of course I attracted what in Russia they call “black realtor”. It was not difficult to him to use my obsession with Project and desire to start working on it. He easily inspired me with old kind of “support” in order to sell defected house, and the land, which government took for road reconstruction. In result I became almost homeless and lost all the money I wanted to spend for developing further my phototherapy method.
 People unable to understand that, no matter how hard I’m trying to explain why I sighed the fake  contract.

DIRECTOR of CENTER for SPECIAL CHILDREN

Somebody introduced me to director of Center for special kids. She shared how many kids need help, but organization cannot provide it as very limited in capacity. She I can teach her staff my approach on volunteer basis and work privately with kids to pay for rent. Great! I told her that I have an issue with renting and need a solution as soon as possible in order decide how to proceed further.
And she started to procrastinate...”I’m sick, my head is down because I don’t have money” ….I suggested  her talking to authority to transform my troubled house into a place for special kids (reconstructing it). She promised, but did nothing. Eventually I met with her staff and it came out they cannot use anything, beyond instructions of those who paid their salary. There is no private work allowed. Because of that I had problem with moving as I lost a lot of time. Had great stress

NEINGBOORS
 
Because it was very stressful and workers had to start work on my territory, finishing what they started a year ago I asked help from my neighbor. He always helped me with small things. Last year he got in a big trouble and I offered all help possible and we were in good relationship with his wife and daughter. He agreed to let me stay for a while in his house and help with my house as he worked in construction place. I quickly packed all my stuff. He doesn’t speak English, so I sent my story to his daughter in order they would know why I’m here with my American passport, a dream of every Albanian.
Very next day when we had to discuss the details of moving the neighbor said his wife didn’t want to rent the room and he could not help me around the house. His daughter got me fake reasons for that, saying they know nothing about autism (it felt as “and we do not want to know anything”) She advised me to find some right people

RIGHT PEOPLE

In USA it was only 3 people who supported me. One of that, a great woman got badly sick. Another, my Manager , who supported me for more than 15 years, creating different conditions for that, eventually gave up to System.  He was very special person and really loved those kids.
My main supporter, the one who understood me and my ideas, my own daughter got a husband, who decided to ruin my work. He got what he wanted, leaving me without any support. So I do not hope on “meeting a right person” any more.  Not my luck! I look for other ways
It’d difficult for me to adjust my work for those adult in needs, as I do not know their needs. What for me is simple, because it comes naturally and intuitively for other people can be hard. But I cannot help as I have no idea where is their problem. I’d love to have any critical feedback, but nobody provide it. Probably for them it doesn’t feel practical, maybe something else. Most parents look for means the System can offer

 OTHERS being  INVOLVED

1)Social worker from the school for autistic kids. I befriended her for a long time hoping to some cooperation and interest not on money issue, but to autism itself-failed
2) Real estate owner showed an interest in autism. Later saying that the family with 2 autistic kids would like to get my help. It came out that family has huge NGO for special kids, but she wanted to get me involved in order to sell my apartment
List is pretty long and I'd continue it

RESULT

So far phototherapy in a way ruins my life, but nothing I can do to let it go as I love it dearly. I tried a few times. Once in American book I've read about the Soviet psychologist, whose ideas I put as a theoretical basis for my practical work as it was a lot of  correspondence to it, that such an approach could be used in  the future. Now it’s a wrong time. Considering the changes happening in the world, its kind of promising. So far some professionals in Russia use it. Recently a local professional told me about reading my article, when she was studying in England. So there is some helpful result from my work!

Concerning my own life, however, it looks as obsession to people. They call it "mission", but in reality it has nothing to do with that term. It's more as
 "Any kind of addiction is bad-whether it’s for alcohol, drugs or idealism" -Carl Jung.
For sure I have an addiction to idealist as a way to escape reality as  in reality instead of help my good intentions turn into harm for me.
There are a few types of attitude I've met so far
1 Parents look for establishing ways in a System in their  hard situation
2 Professionals look for a way to fit it in their business as means of income or using for own carrier
3 Business people look how it could be used for their business
4 Other people are not interested in the subject at all

All of those attitude bring negative result. I should make it harm free and now working on some ideas  to handle that my addiction without dependency from people