214-224 Hello, Ahmed...

The chunk 214 The message -965-
Римма Скребинина
01/May/2021 Algeria
Ахмед спал плохо.
Ему приснились две его золотые рыбки, которые он держал в Нагойе в 2014 году. Он запомнил из сна только песню черной рыбы, строчку: “Cancellavi con un attimo di vita tutto il triste mio passato come all'alba nasce un giorno dalla notte. ((За минуту жизни ты стираешь  все печальное мое прошлое, как на рассвете рождается день из ночи.) итал.)”

В начале апреля, после перерыва в пол года, Ахмед обнаружил совсем недавние непрочитанные сообщения от той женщины из России, которую недавно блокировал на Safebook за хулиганскую выходку. Как только он зашел в аккаунт, она удалила все сообщения. Вчера она объяснила, почему.
А этим утром пришло еще одно ее сообщение.

The message -537-
01/May/2021  Russia
Hello, Ahmed.
Today is my first day of vacation. I did nothing. Today I only visited my gym that is located near my house. This week I am going to attend Aikido training. The first visit is free. I think that one visit will be enough to feel the atmosphere of such kind of training. I missed my meeting with poets: mistakenly. So, I have no news from here. Investing. Investing is a very cool thing, Ahmed. It is so not because I can earn big money: honestly, I lost three percent of the sum which I invested in stocks. Playing with stocks I read a lot about people who are owners of the businesses, about trends in the world economy, about many many things I was not interested in earlier. It riches my world, indeed, against my will, on the whole. I even plan to buy stocks of foreign businesses to become involved in the global world. It will help me to widen my interests and when I leave you, I can change my attention from you to less painful things. Ahmed, imagine that: yesterday I casually went into my Telegram account and saw that Ahmed was online. He had not read my messages yet. Probably, he was talking or chatting with somebody...with a nice woman. I was so thrilled that I deleted all my correspondence to him immediately. I am a hooligan who is afraid of his own shadow. I was embarrassed because in the last messages I showed him my crazy obsession with him. Also, I sent him my undressed (not naked) photographs with those messages. I felt shy again at that moment because he became real at that moment. I think that he only would spit to the screen with my photos as he did each time with my messages. He is so cruel in his indifference.
Lately, I can imagine a kiss with him because his lower lip I see absolutely green and feel sweet as a pod of peas. It is a cold lip, not alive, not soft. It is because I strictly forbad myself to think about, to imagine sex with him. But I want him. It is funny. I want only him because I feel tender to him and it seems to me he is able to give the same tender and fragile response to a hypothetical lover. Only because of that, yeah...In him I love my reflection. I love his delight to me that is not accessible.
I didn't try to seduce him: I know by my own past experience that it is impossible to be nice against will. I knew that he would feel nothing but disgust as I always felt receiving such photos from other guys. Why did I send those photos? I don't know. Act of humiliation, again: I shouldn't feel I am still a perfection only because my former looks at me adorably and tries to touch me often. I am getting older and I must adjust to it.
Today I met my English teacher. I am thinking of stopping our meetings because lately he looks disgusting: he is yawning all the time and picking something in his face, miserably. I cannot tell him about it. And I don't see any reasons for the next meeting because his help doesn't help me in English. I am not studying at all. It is my fault, of course. I should think about it.
My ex bought meat today. He bought a piece of beef, including the beef's tongue. He said he bought it special for me because he thinks I love eating it. He bought it ten years ago last time and I forgot even the taste of the food. But all the years each time he was about to buy it but his deliveries didn't have it.
I miss your smile, my sweet black-hole man.

Telegram app
01/May/2021
Ahmed:
— Hello… I didn’t see the sexy photos you sent me, — Ahmed had written to her on Telegramm at night and she saw his message in the midday.



The chunk 215 The message -966-
Римма Скребинина
Почему рыба не сходит с ума, встречаясь так часто с таким огромным количеством ужасных хищников? Она забывает все сразу.
Ольга забыла свою обиду на Ахмедово молчание и то, что он заблокировал ее аккаунт. Ольгу насторожило немного его внимание именно к щекотливым местам ее писем…но ведь она удалила все предыдущие…и он думает, что там было черт-те-что! На самом деле, она все фронтальные камеры всех ее гаджетов и камера компьютера всегда были заклеены. Ольга даже переодевалась с закрытыми шторами и никогда под прицелом камеры гаджета. Ни одно фото ни разу не было сделано в обнаженном виде. Однажды она сфотографировала свою грудь, но тут же удалила фото: ей не понравилось и она не могла отвязаться от мысли что это может попасть из памяти ее смартфона в сеть.
Ахмед, наверное, представил себе то ее удаленное фото как образцовую порнографическую открытку. Ей стало смешно. Ей пришло в голову поиграть с его воображением.

The message -538-
02/May/2021 Russia
Hello, Ahmed.
I told you about so many things but you pointed your attention to only one yesterday.
Ahmed, I don't live in the Muslim world. We don't have such strict rules and prohibitions as in your society, or even in Japanese society. Don't you understand that?
I can send you my very sexual naked photographs in different positions of the body, easily (or, maybe, not very easy because I've never sent such photos even to my “former”. I made it only once, or a couple of times for myself many many years ago.) if I only feel I am pleasant for you, that you at least like me. Only thus it ceases to be insulting. I do not look hot, but I can send you a lot, do you want:)?
And here is more important, not the fact of sending those sexy photos, but the fact that I even sent the messages to the man who, I know, dislikes me. It is self-humiliation per se, not the sending of photographs. Last one and a half years I have been killing myself, killing my...I don't know why I do it, actually. I think I imagined another Ahmed whom I can trust and who I can love deeply and tenderly, and you helped me in that, posting news in your account on SB. But, unfortunately, it turned out, I am not completely crazy and I can't imagine his love for me ((( All the sad story, Ahmed.
In short, I wanted to say, it doesn't make any difference if you saw or not those photos, thanks for the noble and honest reply, black hole, you could cope with yourself through the pity to the crazy woman! I guess, yo.. Have a nice day.

Telegram app
Через два часа он прочитал и ответил:
— Hello How are you?
— Normal. Report about training, again. ответила Ольга и выслала фото с тренировки, фото спортивного зала без своей физиономии.  Она не хотела больше показывать ему себя.


The chunk 216 The message -967-
Римма Скребинина
Telegram app
03/May/2021 Russia
Ahmed:
00:53
— Hello. I really want to see you sexy and naked. Can you?

Ольга в шоке покраснела. Она почувствовала себя оскорбленной и униженной. Она же просто размышляла, на волне предыдущих писем и ощущения бесполезности и груза собственного тела. Ей было грустно и больно. Ведь из контекста писем ясно что она имела в виду и чего не имела…
“Мозгов я не имела…” – подумала Ольга.

Telegram app
Ahmed:
08:55
— Good morning. How’re you?

It didn’t occur to Olga that he can ask for such photographs when she was typing her stupid message yesterday. "What the hell had I written all this foolishness? Oh, of course, to tease him! And, I didn't presume him to read my messages, actually!" She was angry at herself and thought about what to do with the picant photos Ahmed asked for. If she would not do it, she would be a liar and hypocrite...if she would do, it was going to be a shame, too.

Olga:
— Morning, Ahmed. I am still sleeping. Why don’t you sleep in your black hole?

Ahmed:
— I woke up early. What time is it there?

Olga:
— Nine o’clock.

Ahmed:
— 5 am here. Sorry for waking you up. Message you later.

She went from one room to another, thinking and had not a decision. From one side, she felt absolutely happy because he wrote to her. She was flying in euphoria. Her state was an incredible happiness. From the other side, she felt he was not seriously interested. It seemed to her he was mockering at her. She waited for a tender word from him, but he didn't give her even a hint. In each of his sentences she bitterly saw his indifference to her. She concluded she should understand his demand as a cold curiosity to her weird behavior.

Ahmed:
12:36
— Are you ok?

Olga:
13:31
— You are very persistent, Ahmed, when you want something. I am fine. I’ve just taken a shower. I sent you what you asked and I take the promise from you that you will never show somebody or place this video somewhere, it’s parts or screenshots, or copies. As I’ve got, you want compromising evidence on me… I made delays between our messages to imagine something romantic and loving from your side. I couldn’t, honestly.
You have no shame, Ahmed. Have a nice day.

She tried to take a photo of herself in a mirror but the smartphone hid the body and she couldn’t find a good posture, all of them seemed too sexual. So, she took a short video because, first, it is a row of many photographs, and, second, because she wanted to make him feel ashamed. She was sitting on a bed, then she pulled off her dress. She didn't want to look vulgar and blatant. And so it happened: she undressed so naturally, as if, after hesitating whether she should go to bed naked or in a nightgown, she finally decided that it would be too hot to sleep in a shirt. She sat dressed, but topless. She said looking in the camera: “You have no shame, Ahmed *****ni!”
The plane flew away, carrying a video message to Ahmed on
 Telegram. She felt no shame. She'd understood now how exhibitionists feel. She would never do that again. But she did everything right. She has nothing to be ashamed of.
She felt light and happy, carelessly fluttered around the apartment, tidying up and cleaning. She felt a sweet breeze and a soft wave of freshness throughout her body, strong sexual arousal and love to him. She tried to think of options for his reaction, but it was boring. It flashed only somewhere far away in her thoughts: "If he is really noble, he will not watch this video at all.” She no longer thought about the consequences of her act, about Ahmed in general. She only enjoyed her state of weightless restrained euphoria.

Ahmed:
13:42
Hello Olga.. It wasn’t like being persistent.. I just decided to get back in touch with you.. You’re not my Sex toy… I do respect you.. Actually, I didn’t see your video yet… I swear that nobody would see it.
Even me… I am sure you deserve better than that. Anyway, are you still working? Or. Maybe, you left your job?

"Even me..." Olga felt admiration and respect for Ahmed.

Olga:
— Ahmed, one of the supposed replies of yours was this one. About the video too :) I still work at the same job. They pay very well. Now I took a vacation for ten days. I am at home for the nearest days because I don’t know what could occur in my head soon. I can go somewhere, in Moscow again, for example.. How about you, Ahmed? What’s new?

Ahmed:
— I’m stuck here because of Corona. Students don’t like to study. I feel useless. Do you still love with your partner?

Olga:
— He still lives in my house. But we live in different rooms. We are just relatives that have lasted more than one year. He is very kind, helps me sometimes, and I help him as much as I can. We don’t sleep together, if it is interesting. Such a situation you can often see in Japan,  but not in Algeria.
Students everywhere are similar, I presume.
You’ve hidden your status “single” about a month ago. Are you going to get married again?

Ahmed:
— I did hide “single” from my page  because I don’t want to get bothered by Algerian women.
I am still single.. No girlfriend.
Algerian women just want to get married.. Then, screw your life after.

Olga:
— It is funny, Ahmed, what was so bad in your married life? They fed you with poison?
In your country it is impossible to love each other without marriage...what do you expect from the women?

Ahmed:
— I'm picky. Here, women poison your life.

Olga:
— How, dear? I don’t understand.. I knew one Japanese guy, he said the same about Japanese women :) Okay, forget. I know, you would prefer to avoid the issues. Your choice.

Ahmed:
— Are you kind of hot woman

Olga felt bewildered. Hot…what does it mean…his phrase…was it a question or a statement..ok, it is a question…what is it about? She checked the word in a translator… she didn’t find something explaining the meaning but it was about some sexual issues again…why?

Olga:
— I didn’t understand..what do you mean?

Ahmed hadn't given a reply to her question. She was astonished unpleasantly: what did he mean? He didn't even put a question mark..was he in a hurry? She imagined another woman he was talking with on Telegram. Then... that he is lecturing in a class. Then, maybe, his sister asked him about something...or, he is lying on his sofa and mockering with Olga... Her mind was boiled.
 
Olga:
18:51
— Ahmed, I made you my tender obsession for these years despite you didn’t accepting me. Now you're talking with me.. I am absolutely wet...understand it as you can in your Muslim innocence. Yes, if you mean that, I am a hot woman. But I am extremely, exclusively picky.

Ahmed:
— I understand. What do you like in sex, then?

Olga felt pain:
— Ahmed, you didn’t read my previous messages. apparently. You don’t feel me. These issues as sex can be doing, can be discussed by lovers but not with someone who is an emptiness and even is not interested. In this case, it becomes just boring. Sorry. I would prefer to avoid talking about my sexuality. If you can tell me about your preferences in sex…
I’m, at least, interested in you :)

Ahmed:
— Haha. Actually, you are right.

Olga:
— Ahmed, I don’t know why you are so interested and persisted in the problems about sex, but.. you know.. the pure sex for me is disgusting. I know what is pure sex because I lost my feelings for my ex-husband and even refused to imagine my love to him. It is boring for me to discuss this topic with you because I don’t understand what you mean. I refused sex without love.
You don’t consider that love exists, as I got from your videos and comments on Safebook. You are hungry, you want something hot... The nature of men is that. Have a nice evening and night. I wish you could find a fit interlocutor about the theme somewhere on PenPals.



The chunk 217 The message -968-
Римма Скребинина
04/May/2021 Telegram App

Ahmed:
00:43
— Hello. I just saw your video. I found it quite puritan. But, you have a sexy shape. ..I didn’t understand what you exactly meant… — Ahmed replied to Olga.

Olga:
— You promised not to watch!

Ahmed:
— I promised not to show. But to watch.. I love that.. I was expecting to see your ass and pussy. — He sent her kissing smiles.

Olga:
— ..sad that you behave just as a rough penis...with me...is it because I am a European woman?

Ahmed:
— Not at all. Arab women do worse.

Olga:
— You cannot make me feel dirty even to a tiny degree. I want to sleep well.

Ahmed:
— Are you angry? Is it bad if I wanna see your ass?

Olga:
02:52
— I cannot sleep. I want to see you naked, too. Maybe you are not Ahmed whom I know, or you have a beer stomach, or a peas pod instead of the penis, or a tail, and I am talking with a dog, not with a sweet man Ahmed. These all sounds so childish...and stupid. Send me your short video!

Ahmed:
04:08
— Hi

Ahmed:
04:13
Пропущенный звонок Telegram от Ахмеда.

Ольга крепко спала. Она отключила звук уведомлений.


The chunk 218 The message -969-
Римма Скребинина
05/May/2021 Russia
In the morning, she discovered a missed call at night from Ahmed. How is it possible to call a woman at night if you respect her!?
Olga was indignant: he decided that she was the kind of woman who… Bitterly, she wrote back. She wanted to hurt him. She knew her demand would be insulting to him.

Olga:
9:23
— Don’t call me at night, please. I live not alone. I have a daughter and ex-husband. I cannot talk when they can hear. My daughter is much better at English. For me, it is shameful to demonstrate to them my relationships or play with a man.
Then, don’t look for easier ways to show me your body. What do you feel doing the video, where you are naked?
Send me the video of a naked samurai!
I bet you can’t. You don’t trust me.
I work today. One rich customer wants to see me in the office. I’ll be busy.
I am eagerly awaiting your video :)

Ахмед проснулся и прочел, не особо вникая в текст, сразу впадая в горячую бредовую ярость. Написал, как отрезал:

Ahmed:
11:09
— Well, after I gave you an opportunity to communicate.. You began to make the rules..
Well, you should know that I didn’t know you’ve a daughter…
And, you just wrote you’ve a husband???? I thought he was just a boyfriend… I don’t want to have a relationship with a married woman..And..I would never show my body naked.. It’s my way and my culture. Anyway// It’s over between us. I will not share your video.. Don’t worry/
And, I don’t want to see any photo nor video from you..
Good luck.
And, stop harassing me using my photos.
OK ?

Olga saw a series of messages from Ahmed, which he, as usual, sentence after sentence, typed at lightning speed and sent to her. She did not have time to read and at least something to answer him: he blocked her Telegram account. She did not immediately understand this and sent him response messages that never reached the addressee.
Five minutes later, she deleted all correspondence with Ahmed, along with the ill-fated video.
She was in a blind rage and wrote to him wherever she could: on two Viber accounts, on WhatsApp, on Penpals, and even on email. Everywhere he either blocked her or ignored her.

The message 546
11:11
WOW!
"It's over between us," he wrote. DID WE REALLY HAVE SOMETHING?
WHAT WHAT WHAT HE WAS IMAGINING?!
11:32
So, were these all performing on SB for me? Is it true, really, Ahmed?
I am sorry in this case, I even apologize.
11:40
I still LOVE YOU against your will, you cannot forbid me to feel and to think, I will never be your slave.
11:44
I will use your photos, I like them.
12:01
Now, you can close your SB account and performance, SHOW IS OVER, the most important observer went away.
Olga, [05.05.21 13:35]
a funny word HARASSMENT applies to me :) I didn't even know he reads my messages and looks photographs
14:22
The most horrible thing here would be YOU REMAINING AND FELL INDIFFERENT TO THE SITUATION. I wish you had any feelings. I wish you were not a ROBOT-like man. I mean I wish those last words had not been spoken cold.
Good luck!
14:38
..do you call it communication, the stupid talking about pure sex?!! You are insane! Rude cock.
16:11
I hate him.
Thank you, GOD! you allow me to get rid of the male.
15:12
What is it bad in being puritan? I'll be puritan despite the fact that I don't belong to any religion... it is normal for every moral man or woman..he is only a stranger, a passerby, why did he allow himself to talk in such a manner? I can talk and do it with the closest people in the world. I belonged to him mistakenly..or I didn't??????
15:17
Hahaha, he knows I am sending him many, many angry messages, or thinking a lot. He knows women.
Experienced male.
15:33
Here is a dichotomy thing.
I am a hypocrite here...
...where? I can't catch it yet...
16:03
...um...! "I don't want to see your photo and video"...umm...I didn't know you did.
One year he avoided, didn't read, and looked at them and now he announced "he doesn't want"...emm..you did not.
16:08
I think I've just figured out that Muslim, Arabic society is less puritan and strict between couples and lovers than European, Christ society. Interesting! I did not realize it earlier.
16:10
em...interesting
Ahmed even didn't understand what is pure sex. Sex, if it is in law or hidden is not condemned in the Muslim world. I even, remember, have heard, all what is hidden by roof cannot be seen by God, most of them believe, so all that was made covered by roof is not sin.
It seems strange. My ex is Muslim, but his country is secular, former soviet, and he had a strict impact of the USSR. Maybe he also got Russian in this issue. I was an experimenter in sex in our couple. He often called me "shameless". Yes, I think, he was too puritan.
I even like that Ahmed doesn't feel any shame or blame for his interest in sex. Is it fine? It is a door to sin with other women, I think. Again dilemma..ok, sex should be in law...but Ahmed is not my husband, so how is it possible he does not feel blamed? I don't understand...
year, he is a hypocrite...
So, he belongs to the majority I mentioned earlier.
16:56
He is quite jealous. I mentioned a Japanese man and he didn't even reply to me. He got mad, again. That man was old and ugly. I sent him a letter because I felt pity for him. Makoto nearly daily sent me his simple poems in English and wanted me to watch his videos of Japan which he took almost every day. He called it "walking together". He was astonished and glad, and happy when he received my letter. He took a video where I saw my three leaves of the letter and the ancient banknotes I sent him as a gift from Russia. Later I was cruel to the man. I wrote to him: "It is so sweet to lie to yourself that you are loving and loved." because he didn't tell me about something, nor asked me about something. And he ceased his messages.
17:22
Ahmed can be wanting to see a woman naked. It is normal for a normal man. But the form and his choice of words he used in his conversation with me I see as very rude manners. He was rude and impolite to me. That is why I was so angry, I was in a rage.
Olga, [05.05.21 17:36]
I feel, like, I offended a pure kid.


The chunk 219 The message -970-
Римма Скребинина
May 2021 Russia

Через два дня Ольга поостыла и вспомнила, что у нее есть еще другой аккаунт Телеграм и написала Ахмеду:

Ольга:
11:50
Hello, Ahmed.
Block me here, please, too.
All the time I check your status, but I don’t like to be insane.
About your ex-wife: my moral rules don’t allow me to write to her. I hesitate. And, if I didn't do it till today, I think, I’ll never do it, don’t worry. And your life in other areas remained safe, despite I could drink all your blood, being damaged too.
But I plan on sending the printed book to your university.
Farewell, hope the last time
17:32
Okay, don’t block, as you want. I will not write to you here. I am writing in the account you blocked. It is very nice of you. Thanks for the cute place, sweet Ahmed. I hope, writing messages which you will never read is not harassment, is not insulting. I doubt I’ll write to you from this account again. Thank you for your existing. Good bye!
Ah..and I apologize in case if I damaged you somehow for these many months
Ahmed:
18:05
Hello
I won’t block you
Don’t worry
I was just mad two days ago
And
I divorced..Almost two years ago
And, I’m happy being alone
I will not block you anyway
Olga:
18:07
Hi. Be happy.
Ahmed:
18:07
By the way, what kind of book are you talking about?
Olga
18:09
It is not a book. One thousand messages about you, Ahmed.
19:14
I don’t know your address so I’ll send it to your university in your name as a part of my heart. That's all.
Be happy, again.
6 May 2021
Ahmed:
01:03
Usually, the university does not accept mails for individuals. I can give you my mailing address if you want.
Olga:
1:24
as you prefer
6:44
I think it would be dangerous sending the address to strange people. I am strange:)
Also, like you or not, all the time I wait for you. It is unbearable. So, I’ll delete this account right now.
Live, Ahmed, according to your plans and habits and taste. And I will follow my plans.
I understood, at last, you don’t like and don’t respect me.
Be happy.
She blocked both his accounts.
All the days after she was suffering.

The message 547
Olga, [06.05.21 20:37] Russia
It is unbearable...why was he so rude? Nobody ever insulted me so much...unbelievable I can't believe people can be so deceptive

Olga, [06.05.21 20:38]
His image on SB and his real behavior are opposite

Olga, [06.05.21 21:37]
Forget. Let him go. His cute face and bright image are a huge void. Deceptive void. A black hole.

Olga, [06.05.21 22:16]
I don't believe he can be such a goat.  He decided to get rid of me so he had played the spectacle. It is not pretty noble, too

Olga, [06.05.21 22:23]
The LAST time I tell myself: FORGET. He is a cretin

Olga, [06.05.21 22:23]
DIXI

The message 548
Olga, [06.05.21 00:33]
Hello, black hole!
My vacation goes well. I have about a week left and decided to stay home to save money.
Today I feel like after a surgery that went well, but then got serious complications that were about death. I feel disappointment and astonishment. The surgery itself and the income were rapid, unpredictable, and suffering. The surgeon was evolved in the situation and was cunningly cruel: he wanted to end the situation as soon as possible, was aggressive and persistent in his intentions.
From my childhood, I remember a doctor who couldn't remove my tooth. I had an abscess, my cheek was swollen. I refused to open my mouth for his surgery. Then, he started to choke me and, when I opened my mouth, he pulled out the tooth.
What I found from Ahmed's behavior. He is predictable and clearly read, the first. It would be easy to manage his behavior if one is ready to be attentively cunning. Somebody more cunning than him. I don't want to.
He demands full subordination from his woman, the second.
He is extremely emotional and can't see things clearly when he is in frustration. He easily becomes unstable, engrossed in feeling, and egoistic. He always considers his opinion more important because he is right by a priory.
He demands subordination, but you cannot know his rules. He has his own way and doesn't give you a map.
Ahmed doesn't notice his own hypocrisy. He judges things and people rapidly and superficially, sorting them. He calls it to be picky.
My verdict: he is an unbearable SNOB.
Yesterday half of the day I was busy with my very rich customer. She and her daughter were quite confused, they cannot stop to focus on something one. We had been choosing only handles for two hours but didn't find fit.
In the night I wrote several chunks. Today I have to translate them into Russian and into English and my plan is to publish the next part of the chunks today, for tomorrow I will be ready to go further. I want to come to the most complicated place in my work where I started writing and sending to Ahmed my chunks. I don't know how to meet ends in this circle of messages, and how to organize them. I see it very vaguely.

The message 549
Olga, [07.05.21 09:52]
It's bad that I have nobody to talk about this all. People I know prefer to tell me about themselves and are not used to listening to me. Actually, I have no close friends. I wasted my life even here. Relax. You'll die very soon. Nothing is important.

Olga, [08.05.21 15:17]
I miss you, however, goat



The chunk 220 The message -971-
Римма Скребинина
18/May/2021
Очевидно, что она попросту непривлекательна ему даже физически. Она знает средиземноморско-азиатский идеал гипер-пышной женщины. В первый раз за эти дни она расплакалась, вытирая слезы об подушку. Она ненавидела слезы на щеках и, особенно, на шее. Еще хуже, если они затекают в уши. Она думала, как запишет: “Она чувствовала себя точкой.” Ей хотелось сжаться в комок и “не быть”.
После поздравления всех в Сейфбук с праздником Эйд Мубарак Ахмед не выложил публично ни одного поста. Ольга стала жить на своей странице SB. У нее было 200 друзей: африканцы из разных стран, в том числе мусульманских, в основном из Туниса, Алжира, Марокко и Ганы.
Она ставила им лайки, выложила несколько видео-лайф на корявом английском. Ей звонили, писали, добавлялись в друзья: она принимала почти всех, но не отвечала больше почти никому.
Она села, утерла слезы рукавом и записала: “Почему он мне так сильно нравится и почему мне так больно?” Сама себе ответила: “Потому что я не хочу отказываться от такой великолепной иллюзии. А больно потому что за иллюзией показалось черное ничто, Блэк хоул.”

Ольга обратила внимание на одного из друзей Ахмеда. Почти под всеми постами Ахмеда он оставил лайки: если посты были политкорректными. Она добавила этого японца в друзья. Синдзи принял приглашение и они переписывались какое-то время. Он посоветовал ей прочесть книгу о чайных церемониях в Японии. Она прочитала с интересом. Книга была о японском образе мыслей и только потом о чае.

Ахмед на две или три недели исчез из Сейфбук, а Ольга была зла и написала давно обещанную Ахмеду историю его любви с другой женщиной. Так появилась Сара.

— Так как ты узнала, что так было? Спросил африканец Эбен: он помогал Ольге корректировать ее чанки, которые она переводила на английский. Они дошли до чанка о романе Ахмеда с Сарой с интимными подробностями их онлайн любви.
— Эбен, я не знаю. — сделала Ольга большие глаза — Это чистая фантазия. Ахмед разозлил меня. И я придумала такую Сару. Я уже давно обещала ему любовницу.
— А ты не боишься что кто-то украдет твою историю и мысли? — часто спрашивал Эбен, узнав, что она публикует чанки на Проза.ру. Ольга вспомнила рассказы Гиляровского: как московские театральные промышленники компилировали пьесы незадачливых и всегда бедных писателей, выдавая их за свои, а им отказывая в публикациях. Очень вероятно, что что-то подобное происходит и сегодня.
— Ну, есть такая возможность...но я же не великий литератор. И, по-моему, у меня так много всего, что важно и что создает образ истории, что, если ее пересказать или перефразировать, это станет ничто, там не будет ни меня, ни Ахмеда.
Через три недели Ахмед объявился в Сейфбук. В очередном видео он объявил, что его отец все это время очень болел и поэтому Ахмед не мог быть с друзьями в Сейфбук. Ахмед получил около сотни сообщений с пожеланиями выздоровления и благословениями. В первых видео Ахмед казался больным, уставшим и сконфуженным.
Следующие несколько видео Ахмеда были с цитатами из фильмов с его любимым актером Аль Пачино – про дьявола и Сатану.



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Римма Скребинина
Единственным человеком, которому Ольга рассказала о своем поступке, был Ибрагим – ее давний друг египтянин. Он прочитал скриншоты с затертой фамилией Ахмеда и сказал что Ахмед обозвал ее, намеренно, проституткой. Ольга не поверила Ибрагиму. Она сомневалась в такой трактовке их беседы. К тому же у Ибрагима был свой интерес: он все время звал ее замуж, несмотря на то что она миллион раз обозначила что он ей не нравится как мужчина и они просто друзья.
Ольга продолжала читать чанки на встречах в литературном кружке пенсионеров раз в две недели.
Также, теперь почти ежедневно, она выкладывала lifestream-видео, где читала свои чанки для аудитории Сейфбук: так она надеялась улучшить произношение и запомнить слова. Друзей в SB добавилось более 600. Со многими она переписывалась и рассказывала свою историю с Ахмедом. Они удивлялись и просили чтобы она написала 1000 сообщений для них, хотели быть ее героями. Ольга не отказывалась, шутя, но отвечала, что сначала выполнит обещание об 1000 сообщений, данное Ахмеду.
С Синдзи они больше не переписывались, но он часто оставлял лайки, пока ее посты были неагрессивными и лояльными Ахмеду. Синдзи сразу понял, кто такой Ахмед, как только она упомянула Айкидо и обучение Ахмеда в Японии в Нагойе.
Перед встречей с поэтами Ольга зашла в кафе “СССР”. Антураж заведения соответствовал названию. Ольга выложила онлайн-видео. “Синдзи должно понравиться…” – подумала она.

The message 924
Если книгу некому прочесть, это просто физический объект, не книга.
В те дни, я помню, была одна из встреч с поэтами в литературном кружке, где, чтобы присутствовать, я должна была читать мои чанки. Я предупредила их что я пишу записки, а не книгу. Я объяснила что хочу от них только помощи в том чтобы замечать и корректировать стилистические и логические ошибки в текстах. Я не просила мнения о содержании. Меня интересовало, как звучит моя писанина. На первых встречах они были лояльны ко мне и моим коротким текстам. Я читала по три или четыре чанка по-русски каждую встречу. Встречи были раз в две недели. Я так и не дошла до моих писем к Ахмеду.
Где-то на третьей встрече они сказали что язык живой, легкий и им интересно… сначала, а потом… описания… описания. Одна приятная поэтесса резюмировала: “Слушала, ждала, ждала какого-то развития… а потом заскучала..” она сделала грустное лицо, а все остальные поэты смотрели на меня, согласно кивая.
Литературные посиделки несколько Ольгу расстроили, а Синдзи оставил-таки лайк под видео кафе СССР.
Ольга зашла в список прочтения своих произведений. Сегодня они не остались без внимания, в основном читают и — самое удивительное — перечитывают чанки 1-27 и 42-57. Почти одни и те же люди посещали ее страницы. Что же их так интересует, этих Михаилов Харитоновых 2, Викторов Левашовых, Татьян Герасимовых 3, Борисов Гатауллиных и Александров Онищенко? Ольга не понимала. Она открыла чанк 42: “What languages ;;can you speak to me?”... почитала… пролистнула ниже: “The message 51 Hello, Ahmed. Imagine a Big Bang, Ahmed! Each person is a small big bang. There was nothing and then…”
“Звучит как начало религиозного эпоса” — подумала Ольга.
Она увидела над монитором две пушинки, семена неведомого растения, всегда и часто встречающиеся в воздухе офиса летними жаркими днями. Два ядра, полные жизни, распустили лучики как пушистые ехиднаэдры, сцепились вместе, и, как влюбленная парочка, медленно поворачиваясь в воздухе, кружились в хаотическом экстазе случайного слияния.
Ольга поймала себя на этой мысли: “Все-таки люди неисправимые болваны и фантазеры. Что будет, если эти два семени попадут во влагу и негу почвы? Они будут друг с другом совсем рядом и станут конкурировать за питательные вещества. Они станут продуцировать яды против друг друга или обвивать корни и выросшие тела друг друга чтобы выжить самому… а я тут о любви думаю. Настоящий болван.”
Она проследила как парочка торжественно-медленно и красиво удалилась к подоконнику и сгинула там среди другого такого забытого мусора и пыли как в дебрях геенны огненной.
За окном жил город: технологический характер шума преобладал: звуки машин, светофора, детских колясок, велосипедов одушевлялись голосами и выкриками людей и животных, трением их тел и душ.



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Римма Скребинина
У Ахмеда висели в интернет еще два непонятных мертвых аккаунта в Сейфбук, которые он завел в один день – 26 июля 2020.
Один — с фото Ахмеда-самурая, в кендоги, хакама, богу, шэн и котэ, с синаем наперевес. Другой — с фото Ахмеда-преподавателя — декларировал его как “ученый”. Ольга написала Ахмеду-ученому: “Can we talk as normal people without scandals?”
Он ответил: “You did hurt me a lot.”
Ольга импульсивно удалила свою страницу. Она испугалась что действительно сделала ему больно. А вдруг она ошибалась на его счет?
Она даже написала ему извинения в PenPals.
Десять дней она размышляла о том, как повести себя с Ахмедом. Подумав, через десять дней она все восстановила страницу в Сейфбук, продолжила выкладывать видео и публиковать чанки. Она отправила ему сообщение в PenPals:

The message 925
You asked me persistently what  you wanted: to see me naked and sexual. I’ve never done it for anybody in my life. Why did I take the video where I undressed for you? I was ranting and said a stupid word. If I would not do what I promised to you so stupidly, I would be a liar and hypocrite. I preferred to be honest than to be "decent". And, yes, I tried to perform as less sexually as possible.
One year ago my vision of you was:
"The message - 205-
 April/24/2020
 Ahmed, I might have nothing to do but think about you all the time.  Several days ago I joined one Italian from the USA.  I felt there was something wrong with him since the first of his messages ... The world is ill.  In the end, I feel disgusted for all those males I ever met.  How can I trust somebody?  Maybe you are the same dirty male, but I don't want to believe that.
I'm repeating your name in my head as if I make a gulp of clean water: Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed, Ah-med, Ah-m-ed, Ahmed .., but I cannot slake the thirst."
Can you understand the CONTRAST between my expectations and the reality, the real Ahmed, who asked me about sexual issues in the rudest expressions?
You don't have to be appropriate to my expectations, however, that's absolutely true.
You are not the worst man in your society, not the best.
But I would count you to the best part of them, however.
On your SB page, you post videos about nobility, healthy relationships, decent people and behavior. Some people call you "sheih", they believe you.
And you did deliberately harm me.
It was a cheap deed.
That's why I will be doing what I plan, till the end. It is not going to be against you.
These five...or more days I have been thinking about the situation to not behave on impulse. Many times I wrote to you about how I see your nature and your image. Your mind and attitudes were not changed by Japan and by all the European culture you are trying to understand resultless. This is because you don't notice petty things (actually, it is almost impossible) that are obvious, but they are obvious only for the native of the particular culture, not for foreigners. Such things usually nobody discusses. You didn't learn how to read properly. Don't complain if you understand little or nothing.               
The bad thing, in my opinion, is that you USED MY platonic and trustful relation to you, Ahmed, and my heart to laugh at me. You caught me on a foolish word, where I was ranting about our bodies, FOR to HUMILIATE ME. It was cruel. You DELIBERATELY hurt me deeply.
So, I decided, I'll CONTINUE POSTING the chunks and the videos on SB and everywhere. I deleted my account forever, but I don't know exactly..(yes, I can use it again, I've just seen 23/July/21)...in this case, otherwise, I can create another one and fill it with Algerian guys easily.
By the way, there's nothing insulting for you in my messages (how a reflection of a moon can offend the moon, even a distorted one?) and my intentions (how can reflection hurt or damage the moon?).
As I got, Ahmed ****ni belongs to the type of man who can live with and want absolutely any woman. You said you are picky: I don't believe you. Your family is picky. You are a male who wants any female (I noticed you always have a look at the breasts of your girl students in your videos, many times) not depending on their beauty or intelligence. You are deprived of women and can't cope even with your eyes! Do you call it happiness?
What about me: I don't belong to the women interested in such men. I am looking for a warm soul, not a penis. I don't hate you. I even respect some of your features. Maybe, somewhere I am wrong about you. I have given my very own vision and description of Ahmed ****ni. But I will not judge him or set him a sentence.
I cease thinking and caring about you. I will end the book here. Don't disturb me, please, with your empty replies!
Dixi.


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Май 2021
Ольга выложила много своих фото и видео из офиса: ведь Ахмед написал, что не хочет их видеть! Не смотри!
Ей приходили сотни сообщений, звонков от непонятных “друзей”. Их новости и посты часто пугали ее. Очень часто эти мужчины отправляли ей фото и видео своих эрегированных пенисов и скабрезные гифки и сообщения. Она поначалу блокировала таких “друзей”, а потом перестала открывать любые сообщения вовсе. Только двое молодых парней из района около Алжирского города Батна, 24 и 32 лет, после некоторых трений гендерного характера согласились быть только друзьями и писали ей время от времени. Один – кабил, а второй – араб. Араб пытался говорить с Ольгой даже о поэзии (но она не оценила того поэта-разбойника и раба из доисламской эры) и о личных проблемах в Алжире. Кабил работал на стройке и учился. Он рассказывал ей о политике в Алжире и о давлении арабской диаспоры на берберов. Оба едва знали английский и использовали переводчик чтобы общаться. Были и другие люди, но они и вовсе не владели ни английским, ни Гугл-переводчиком, либо не были настойчивы или изобретательны в общении. Один бербер из Туниса по имени Ахмед был интересным собеседником. Он выведал все нюансы истории с Ахмедом и не захотел быть вторым. Он сказал что Ольга скоро сойдет с ума если не перестанет думать о своем Ахмеде.
Ольга была очень зла на своего Ахмеда. Ей хотелось выпить всю зеленую Ахмедову кровь. Она, однако, не хотела ни унижать его, ни обижать.
Июнь 2021
Один целый месяц она вовсе не посещала его страницу SB. Это было трудно и она, однако, не могла больше создать ни одного нового чанка.
Июль 2021
Через месяц она обнаружила что Ахмед все это время продолжал выкладывать видео. Теперь очень часто. Часто эти видео были с друзьями в форме интервью, диалога, монолога и видео прогулки без комментариев: Ахмед+Лахдар, Ахмед+Хакко, Дорога+музыка, Ахмед+монолог, Ахмед+фильм+монолог.
Ахмед всегда “composed by himself video compositions and videos”, почти никогда lifestream.
Ольга всегда выходила онлайн со своими сумбурными выкидышами мозга: рассказами, воспоминаниями, впечатлениями. Она говорила первое что придет в голову. А если это нельзя было говорить вслух, она молчала прямо в кадре.
Ольга всегда начинала свое видео словами “Hello, World!”, позаимствовав фразу у программистов. Видео Ахмеда начинались с приветствий на двух, трех, иногда и пяти языках. И очень часто он завершал свои видео фразой на английском языке: “Thank you, goodbye”, “Enjoy your evening”, “Have a nice day”, “Care yourselves”.


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Август 2021
На другой встрече другая поэтесса, которая слышала меня впервые, сказала, что не увидела авторской позиции. А потом началось нечто. Одна из поэтесс вела себя очень агрессивно. Она задала вопрос, почему я выбрала местом действий Японию и Алжир, и героем – Ахмеда, а не Россию и русского мужчину. Я даже не знала, что ответить. Когда я рассказала, что мой спутник в течение 21 года был азербайджанец, им что-то стало ясно. Интересно, что? Ох уж эти стереотипы! Когда я объяснила что никогда не была в Японии, а только подолгу гуляла в Гугл-картах, изучая страну, и читала статьи, она объявила меня плагиатором – я где-то все списала.  На следующей встрече или позже, эта же поэтесса пришла на литкружок с собственной прозой – назидательным рассказом о беспризорнике, которого нашла и приютила какая-то пенсионерка. Все вынужденно слушали до благостного конца. Сейчас помню только одну строчку из ее рассказа: “Шторы канареечного цвета источали уют.” Фраза не предполагалась звучать иронично или иносказательно. Она не понимала слова “источали”, а канареечный цвет в ее представлении – цвет умиротворяющего комфорта. Другие поэты и поэтессы выразили ей свои мнения по этому и прочим сомнительным местам ее поучительной истории. Для себя я поняла так. Видимо, моя проза так ужасна для их ушей, что они решили отвадить меня от их компании как безнадежную тугую бездарность. Я не стала спорить и больше не появилась там.
Единственной причиной, по которой я отважилась прийти в их кружок – а я не рассчитывала что нужно будет читать что-то свое – было мое желание преодолеть коммуникативную дыру, в которой я и по сей день живу.
Единственный мой собеседник – интернет. Я часто рассказываю что-то дочери, но у нас не происходит обмена идеями. Она рассказывает о своем, я о своем, и мы терпеливо слушаем друг друга, но нет взаимообмена и глубины.
Мне нужны были эти встречи чтобы чувствовать что я реальна, я так думаю. Потому что без общения с людьми во плоти – когда пахнешь, звучишь, говоришь, видишь, слышишь – я не чувствую собственного тела. Я становлюсь бесплотной, чистым духом. Я забываю про еду, про гигиену, я растворяюсь в окружающем и даже на улице чувствую себя человеком-невидимкой. Я хочу этого, ибо мне комфортно, и не хочу, ибо чувствую, что это опасно.
Мне нравились встречи с поэтами, они, безусловно, талантливые люди и их вирши я часто, не всегда, слушала с удовольствием. Всем тем людям было от 60 до 80 лет. Многие печатают свои стихи в локальных газетах, а организатор кружка состоит в Союзе писателей России и преподает в университете. Он был молчалив и просто со стороны наблюдал за всем, иногда задавая беседам направление, очень нейтрально, что мне нравилось. Еще один их упрек был – почему я все время молчу и не участвую в обсуждениях. Их анекдотическое опасение “сидит, молчит, всякую х*** о нас думает…” мне понятно. Мой ответ – потому что я не публичный человек и не привыкла к ним, это же просто!! Ах, все, что ни делается – делается к лучшему, да, мама!?
Whoop de do!