Denisa and Help Issue

“You must trust and believe in people, otherwise life will become impossible.”
Anton Chekhov

TRUST or NOT  to TRUST

For years in Balkan I had to learn not to trust to anybody, but I did not succeed. I don’t know how, although I did try all possible ways. And I still have that need-to trust a person I deal with. For the last week plumber and a lawyer did not keep their words. One just did not come, when he chose to come and I was waiting. It was the second one for last 2 weeks. They never call to say they would not come. That is a regular thing. I accept it as a part of Balkan life. Lawyer did much worse. Fraud, manipulation and hypocrisy together. I asked him to do some document for me and ask the price. He explained that there are two types of documents he could do –A and B and I chose A. He wrote “We as an office sympathize with your case, and were willing to do the letter pro bono”,  I felt grateful and did not bother him for long time.  Then decided to ask. He promised to send later. Well, instead of A he sent B. I started to clarify why he did not ask what he promised. He answered strange things, confusing me more. Finally wrote “We gave you free advice-take it or leave it” But I wanted explanation and kept clarifying. He accused me in harassment. He refused to say he name when I wanted just to address him by name

Dealing with people, you become dependent and anxious. I try to create a remedy-prevention. Not to take people’s words at full values. Not to expect people keep their words. Only have a hope that maybe a person would do what promised. But that is Mind’s games. Exclude the word “trust” in my vocabulary.  Body and feelings do not cooperate.  I wonder why? A. P, Chekhov knew why it worked that way

TWO WAYS about DEALING with TRUST

Probably the problem came from socialism where we usually discussed two main options
1 You do not trust anybody, be on your guard and then you’ll avoid frustration in a future
2 You trust people, but can be frustrated and upset in the future

We discussed those two options a lot. I voted for the second one. Although socialism is gone long time ago, my mind holds for the first one, but body let me down all the time. Wise people say body is wiser than mind “listen to your heart!” If my heart was wise, I’d not get trust in Alvaro and would not put myself in such gross trouble wi8th dependency from people’s mercy

WHAT is WRONG with HELP

It seems for me the Main Point of difference between socialism and capitalism for me became the world “Help”
I don’t like asking for help and I cannot do that well. In past I used to help people a lot as I had many connections and opportunities. So, if I needed some help, I usually addressed those, I helped in the past and they would be glad to do something nice for me. It was a natural thing to do in socialism –mutual support. Besides of that I had stories and stories of people’s Help for the sake of Help without any profit for themselves and sometimes even trouble.
In capitalism things work differently. When we came to USA it was great to hear the welcoming “How I could help you?”, but the true meaning of those words quickly came to realization “How can I help you to help myself?” and Help issue went to different directions. And then again for many years in USA I worked in helping profession, so I had an opportunity to create “private space of socialism-“Help for the sake of Help”, doing something far beyond official duties.
And there is one more thing about help. There are people exist who always get help as they look or behave the way, everybody would love to help them and feel good inside. Such sort of people bring up in people those wonderful desires-to help others.

I'm the an opposite kind, so probably I bring up the opposite feelings.  Maybe it's a habit not to take life seriously, maybe being strong personality, as if I’m sending a message "I will handle it anyway. Not a big deal!"
Now I got in a situation when instead of independence I wanted to, I got in total dependency on others in many areas, so I had to ask for help and a strange things happening around that and I’m always puzzled with people strange behavior.
I asked a guy ” Could you help me a little bit with Albanian google translation of my English text?” –Sure, send it to me
I sent and got nothing…Later I decided to clarify. He explanation had no sense at all, no logic. Only attitude. He defended himself kind of aggressively

DENISA’s HELP….POSITIVE and  NEGATIVE

Don't remember was it my idea, or somebody recommendation to seek help in organization “Expats in Albania”. Help from organization for me never works. Overall I avoid organizations as they usually have many strings attached and those strings are usually hidden. But I want to be sure that I tried everything possible in order to say "There is no help available in my situation!" And “on the back of my mind” of course was tiny hope…”maybe…11”
The main person of Expats organization, Denisa, referred me to her friend-journalist, who suggested to write an article about my situation. But according to her journalistic rules, I should stay away from the process and can see only a ready published product. I already had such experience in Macedonia and it was not a good experience at all, except for the title “Humanity and Volunteering, or Business and Career!?”. The rest had no sense at all. Later I realized the sense. He did the article for Special Autism Day. So, the issue of autism was present. So, I refused.
Denisa and me looked for other ways
Denisa is a woman with unique complicated life story, a very strong personality. She left her motherland, got advantages in foreign lands and decided to come back to Albania. However, here she got in a bad story, similar to mine and get involved with Justice System, so I could understand why she could not hear anything connected to Alvaro or my situation with a house and possible court process
Denise wanted only Positive stuff. I suggested a way where Negative turns into Positive. Denise did not like it and we decided to stay with Positive only- my desire to help families with autistic kids (leaving out the part of trouble it brought me in) No problem! Denisa suggested for us together to write an article about that. She also shared with me the story of her friend, who had autistic daughter-big problem, no help available, daughter looked at the wall (regular story-I hear them often) People always react positive about my desire to work with autistics as that is a huge problem. Then strange things usually starts happening. This time was not an exception
I wrote a few plots for the article, so Denisa could chose the one I liked. Nothing in response. Then she said she was busy. Then she asked for additional info for the article. I immediately send it. Nothing in response. I waited a couple of weeks and then asked how the article was doing. The answer was “I started to write it”. That information gave me «a pit in my stomach», so I used my usual “Forget it!” Waiting is not a pleasant activity. For a person in trouble hoping on some help, it’s much more than just unpleasant.
As usual I had many ideas how I could be helped in term of kids with autism and shared it with Denisa, however the mom of autistic daughter found one point “she does not speak Albanian”. Well, I did work in Macedonian school, without knowing Macedonian and made good contact with all 3 children. But children and their parents is two different worlds
Anyway the issue of help turned into some kind of “research”. What is going on? Why people promise and then not do? What that is about? What does that all mean? Once I suggested a person  in trouble some idea and she offered to share with me  a helpful contact. I wanted to have it, asking twice, but got nothing in response...Well, probably being out of trouble herself her mind changed and she decided not to share it.
Anyway, two months passed since I applied for help and nothing changed in term of result, although seemed I did everything for that-made many suggestions and did everything I was asked for doing. I felt much worse than before I did ask for help. When a person has Hope it is a lot
NEGATIVE came IN
One day on FB some Albanian young man posted an article describing the real things what is happening here, something I’ve heard from many people and something I experienced myself and something what made Albanian young generation  wanting  to leave their country. It was brave and honest article. Of course, I could not miss it, he described what I experienced there with putting my trust in a wrong person, being ripped off, then dealing with constant lying from authorities about every issue and no support. It was things some Albanian people shared with me in some private situations
I wrote about all that and put in our group, where Denise could read it. She unsigned from that place People hate seeing Truth, people cannot tolerate it in any form. A person who posted the article was condemned a lot. Nothing new. There is hypocrisy always available as convenient defense from any Truth. There is opportunity of making black looks white and dark things look light. Seems as that direction become stronger and stronger
Parent of autistic kids struggle with kids ‘disability to lie. Parents teach them lying and manipulating in order to fit in ‘normal or neuro-typical” world.
A while later I wrote to Denise about moving to the place, where her friend with autistic daughter lives and wanted to ask her some questions and asked for her contact. Before I offered different help for that woman as Denise said, has huge problems having an autistic daughter.
Denise concealed our FB friendship…I’m puzzled…I already understood nothing. How come Positive which  Denisa wanted and I cooperated turned into Negative?
" -If you can help, help, if not, at least do no harm."-Dalaj Lama said, but it does not work that way

FREEDOM FINALLY

But I feel that Albanian people helped me a lot. I think it finally happened. I am free from that burning desire to help autistic kids my way and belief that I had to do it, no matter what kinds of obstacles the society put on my way
"Any kind of addiction is bad-whether it’s for alcohol, drugs or idealism" -Carl Jung
It seems I’m free from idealism. And I think I’m free from many things, which where valuable to me. Simple raw survival inhuman conditions became an everyday purpose
Good remedy to fight idealism

STILL

Today on the beach a woman addressed to me in Albanian. I do look Albanian, so people even in USA tried taking to me Albanian. I said ‘nuk kuptoj Shtip”, but she continued talking. I understood that she went deeper in the sea; something happened and now has pain in her foot. I knew “pain” in Albanian, I knew “sit”. So I told her to sit on nearby sun lounges and examine her foot- maybe something got inside-a piece of glass or wood. She understood me, responded in English “Thank you!” and went towards lounges
It’s nothing, but at the same time it was something! Good human interaction!