Thursday the fourth

I'm standing in line. No, not for food. Queue to the shaman. Everyone wants to know what's ahead. And I want to know what's behind. I forgot something. Need to check.
Why don't you want to open this door? - the shaman smiles at me, but her question cuts the heart with a knife.
-Which door? - I ask again, although I know the answer very well.
-You know. - the shaman gets up from her seat, goes around the table and walks towards me. The smile of the shaman is still the same radiant, but a chill runs through me, - answer me, or go away!
-This door changes every time, I'm scared to even touch it! - I shout in the face of the shaman, speeding up the pace of speech, - However, the door is no longer a dream. I haven't seen her in my dreams for a year now.
“This is bad,” the shaman says slowly, changing the pace of the conversation and takes me by the shoulders, “in the language of medicine, it’s like oncology at the last stage. That's why everything is so bad for you.
You must go to the door, you must be afraid to a cold sweat, but go. Have you decided to forget?
-But there is horror behind the door!
- Horror in your eyebrows, dear! - the shaman gently runs her finger over my face, - when was the last time you were at the beautician? Your eyebrows are indecently thick, because of them you have a stern and not offensive look, and men love accessible women! Give a business card to a beautician? Doesn't cost much, but does a good job! By the way my sister!
-What are you speaking about? - I backed away, - I will not let you cut your eyebrows, they are my pride!
- Well, now, you are relaxed! - the shaman sat me down in the red chair again, - now let's talk! Your crown is a bad damper, it lets your energy through. You know it?
I wondered if I knew about the top of the flap? No, and I didn't want to know. I just wanted to remember, but the shaman didn't want to help me. Well... I stood up abruptly.
- Excuse me, I'll go! - talk about the evil eye, energy vampires and other unclean nonsense made me sad and terrified.
- Yes, - the shaman stopped smiling, - go, go, baby! But if you leave now, you will no longer be able to cross this threshold, and help will be needed very soon. I can even tell you the exact date. - the shaman pulled my eyelid and carefully examined my eye, - you will come running here again in four days. It will be Thursday, the fourth number. Death will touch you with a wing, but will not take you this time. This will be a rehearsal.
I just wanted to remember! - I shouted into my beautiful face, - remember, you understand, remember! Step back! And you drag me forward, on Thursday the fourth!
-On Thursday the fourth, at four quarters of an hour, four little grimy imps were drawing a drawing in black ink. Extremely clean! - the shaman sat down at the table and began to recite a patter. She spoke and immediately wrote down what she said.
- Are you at all? - I wanted to say that not everything is at home with the shaman. But I realized that it is not necessary to emphasize the obvious fact. And it was so clear that she was not normal. Why am I listening to all this?
-Here, look what happened! - the shaman threw a drawing under my nose. It turns out that these were not notes, but a drawing. - And stop yelling already! You shout again, I'll kick you out, and now it's for good!
I was still annoyed, but I didn't dare to protest. Throwing the drawing almost in my face, the shaman stepped aside and began to cook something in a strangely curved red saucepan.
The drawing showed that door, and there was a calendar hanging on the door. The fourth Thursday of that year was circled in black pencil. I looked at the drawing, the drawing looked at me. Our idyll was interrupted by a shaman.
“Here, have a drink,” she pushed a large mug towards me. - Do not be afraid, this is a sweet drink. You need to drink everything, bitter - at the very bottom. It sank and did not rise up. Therefore, when you drink sweets, be sure to drink what has precipitated.
Why are you silent? Don't you want to drink?
-I'm afraid! - my voice suddenly disappeared and I whispered, trying to explain to the shaman that I want to leave now, but at the same time I can’t.
-Don't be afraid! I guarantee results! Did you pay in cash for my session, or by bank transfer?
- Cash. Small change, just like you said on the phone. I collected change for all relatives. I just got it.
-Young lady! I didn't mistake you. Well, I praised you, and now let's drink!
Sighing resignedly, I raised the mug to my mouth nonetheless. It smelled amazing! I drank the drink in three sips, even though the drink was very hot.
I drank, of course, and what was at the bottom.
All this time, the shaman sat opposite me and watched intently.
From the fact that the drink was hot, and I was wearing three sweaters, dressed one on top of the other, this was also, by the way, one of the conditions for a visit to the shaman, I flushed because I was hot. Well... That's all. These were all changes. The shaman waited a few more minutes for who knows what, and then said
-Badly. Didn't work. Don't want to sleep?
-Not. What do you need?
- No, you don't need to.
-And then what?
-You... Problem, it turns out! If I had known, I wouldn't have taken your case!
-Sorry! - my voice sat down even more, and sounded like a mosquito squeak.
- Well, - the shaman pulled out a smartphone and began to look for something there, - it's too late to retreat. Ah, I found it, we will sing karaoke!
-What?
-Wait, I'll turn on the bluetooth, I need the sound to gofrom the column!
-What did you just say? Sing?
-Yes. You love to sing, so you indicated it in the questionnaire!
-But... It's strange! And I can't, my voice is cracked.
-Yes, that is right. Your voice is gone, but it's not the first time, is it? You indicated in the questionnaire that it disappears from you periodically, once every three months, and you also have a cough all the time, right?
- The doctor said that it was not from a cold, but something psychological!
Yes, I found it! Songs from your favorite movies! Ready? Let's sing!
-What about the neighbors?
-Worry about yourself!
-But...
The roar of the music drowned out my weak exclamation. The shaman also sang, however, since we sang without a microphone, we were almost not heard. After singing six or maybe eight songs, the shaman turned off the music. After the song marathon, the silence was so warm! Or was it the steam from the soup that the shaman placed in front of me?
- Well, say something?
-What to say?
-Order! - the shaman laughed, - the voice returned! It will never disappear again! Even with the most severe cold, you will be able to speak normally!
-Yes?
-Karaganda! Let's eat soup! Let's try again! I must say right away that the soup is very, very bitter! But, you have to eat everything to the drop! There will be a cough, cough, but eat!
The taste of the soup was throat-rending. But I ate everything. Nothing left on the bottom!
I ate the last drops of soup as if in a fog, I wanted to sleep right away, it was like a lightning strike!
The shaman took me to a mountain of rags that lay on the floor and told me to sit down on them and lie down. I tried to say I wouldn't sleep here, but I hung up.
I woke up from the fact that the shaman ordered to take off the first jacket. My hands did not obey, but I managed and again fell into a dream. I was woken up twice more. When the sweatshirts, which were heavy as weights, left my body, I felt an unprecedented lightness and fell asleep calmly and soundly.
When I woke up, it turned out that I was standing near the door. My fingers were on the handle, all I had to do was turn. I knew that today was the fourth, the calendar on the door was drawn. Not only was Thursday the fourth underlined, but fours were scattered on the margins of the calendar - it was drawn by my hand. I painted it. I recognized my handwriting. I still have this habit, when I think about something, I draw scribbles on any piece of paper.
I listened. Some kind of life was going on outside the door, a baby was crying, someone was talking in raised tones, the TV was mumbling, the radio was talking. Yes, someone's everyday life was going on behind the door, but why did I hesitate then, and did not dare to turn the knob?
While I was playing for time, all the sounds behind the door subsided. I turned around. I was in an empty and dark room. The great hall was plunged into darkness. Large windows, covered with curtains, gave a little light, but it was not enough to see the entire hall. The hall was so huge that I could not cover it with my eyes, where my view was powerless, darkness swirled. The horror launched its tentacles at me again! Suddenly, the handle on the door began to turn on its own, someone was trying to leave the room. I did not want to see the one who is now standing outside the door. I did not want to see him, but I had no choice. Nausea rose up in his throat. I began to vomit. My stomach was empty, but the urge continued! The muscles of the press ached, the head was spinning. I managed not to fall! Suddenly, behind the door, a baby began to cry at the top of its lungs! The door handle began to rotate again. I rushed to the door and squeezed the door handle in my fist. I was holding the doorknob with all my might, but someone was turning it with force on the other side of the door!
Suddenly my mouth opened and the sounds of someone else's voice poured out of my throat.
-Open up! Open the door yourself! You must get ahead of him! Don't let him open the door on the other side! Don't stand still! I order you, in the name of fulfilling your main desire, open the door yourself! Here, now, turn the knob!
-Yes I believe you! I whispered in my own voice and turned the knob. The door did not open immediately, but then gave way. I entered.
There was an office in front of me, it was empty. Tables, cabinets, two large windows. There was nothing else in the office. I knew where I was now. It wasn't scary here, but it was ... joyless, or something, dreary, disgusting, but not scary. There was no mysticism or horror. The fear is gone. I went to my work table. The calendar from the door has migrated here. A vinyl record, a magazine with a painfully familiar portrait on the cover - all these things from the past reminded me of what I had forgotten. I reached out for the magazine. And then I heard a voice inside myself, "It's impossible!"
You can't, you can't! I had to leave! I turned around to leave, but suddenly I saw an object that should not be here! A pink, knitted baby bootie lay on the windowsill. The fear of disobedience is gone! I took a bootie. And looked back. I heard a scream, someone formidable tried to warn, but did not have time. Taking a bootie, I left the office. The door closed behind me forever. The fear has gone away. I remembered everything! Everything became routine. I went to the exit of the room. The early morning light hit my eyes. It was hot outside, summer! The birds sang, the leaves rustled. They were waiting for me at home. My husband has longo prepared breakfast for me and waited patiently, looking out the window. The garden outside the window was noisy with foliage, and my husband thought about not missing the moment when my red sundress flickered among the foliage and I entered the doors of our big house. Remembering that they were waiting for me, I hurried, took an awkward step and stumbled over the step of a long, wooden staircase. In the next minute...
“Wake up already,” I heard an unhappy voice, “stop sleeping!”
I opened my eyes. The shaman bent over me and extended her hand
-Let's!
-What?
- Boote, come on!
-What? What are you talking about?
-O! Have you already forgotten what you took without asking? Unclench your fist!
I sat. The pile of rags smelled sharply and not pleasantly. The hand went numb. Opening my hand with difficulty, I saw a really booty. But the bootie was so tiny! Such booties will not fit even on a newborn baby. It must have been doll shoes.
- Is it for a doll? I asked
-No matter! Come here!
-Not! What do you want to do with booties? Destroy?
- I'll put it behind the glass.
-What will you do?
- I have a museum. I collect stuff from dreams there. Well done, you didn't listen to me! But she seemed so submissive! This booty... However, you don't need to know more!
Now you will be fine! And even more than good! This bootie is very expensive and the goddess of dreams, in order to return the booty to sleep again, will pay you so much that you did not expect! For now...
-Yes?
-You can go. There, at the exit of the ticket office, if you remember. Go to the manager and pay the penalty!
-Yes, why? I paid you everything in advance. Small change, as you requested.
- A trifle is your tears! Everyone who gave you this trifle paid off from trouble and tears!
“Then what do I have to pay for?”
-It's a penalty. You broke the contract. I warned that nothing can be brought from sleep. Now you will be rewarded, and I will... be punished. Therefore ... In general, the manager's desk and the cash register are to the left of the front door!
-But...
-Go away and don't come back! Next!