Man Proposes, God Disposes

 
PLACE of MIRACLES

Small Balkan country is so beautiful , it’s easy to fall in love with it. I came there with a strange pain in my leg, which for a long time nobody could fix in America, and nobody could understand what the problem was. That pain prevented me from my favorite activity- walking. Life became a problem
 “You can make two blocks without pain? Ok! It’s enough for you from official point of view-explained my last hope, a Filipino physical therapist.- But if you want we can give you pain killer. "
And I flew to that special place with thermal water, which my gym instructor from Albania introduced. I arrived there very late and getting up next morning I went for a walk and realized that pain was gone. “It was fast!”, -I thought in surprise. Outside was quiet beauty and pain didn't prevent enjoyment. Since that morning I could walk around as much as I wanted without any pain.
 It was  a Miracle!
 However
It was not the only Miracle really. The first one happened when I arrived. As soon as I entered the building I wanted to make a payment. That was the first things you do in USA in places, where money is involved, before somebody even start talking to you. But the man in reception wave off my Credit Card
-Go rest now! Would you like to eat something!
Next morning I came to him again holding out my Credit Card and he again waved me off
-Go to the doctor now! Did you have a breakfast?
It was very unusual feeling. All the time I spent there he helped me out with all the issues and only in the very end he accepted Credit Card by my request. It was so unusual!
He organized a trip to city O.an amazing place...with a blue lake surrounded by green mountains, pure high blue sky with white curly clouds, churches all over, pleasant people around, real people without those fake American smiles. Seven hours walking around city passed as a minute without any pain
It was really a Miraculous place!!

  SEEDS of IDEA

On the way back a taxi driver, being a teacher by his education told me about bad economy in the country, people in hard financial situation and country having big needs in caring for kids with special needs as it's almost no System exists. And I lost a peace as almost 20 years in USA I dealt mostly with the System, very good organized System, where people go straight along designed paths, which Americans call “ boxes”. The System was pretty simple and built around American Dollar. Just  “go with the flow’ and ”follow the orders”, which are carefully explained during  endless trainings and written instructions provided. No need for thinking process and initiative is not encouraged

The only small problem in the field I worked in was a little bit of hypocrisy -what was said on trainings often didn’t match what should be in a real work. Those who couldn’t deal smoothly with that little issue created trouble for themselves and people around them. I honestly tried to adjust and “go with the flow”, but had some  issue for full adjustment -soviet mentality and inventive mind-- and eventually stacked between “boxes”, constantly breaking instructions and didn’t follow orders the right way

BIRTH of the IDEA

The idea started to grow in my mind. Maybe Place of Miracles with no Strong System with its “boxes” could be the right one for My Little Dream-training residence for three autistic kids. Returning home, I found my client in the hospital, where he almost died. He was disciplined again for his natural curiosity by strong deadly medication.

It was a very special “special child”.  Parents didn’t want him. He lived in residence. On the contrary to professional opinion when after 8 yo development of speech for kids consider hopeless, that boy started to talk at the age of 13 and his vocabulary started to increase from our work and he showed big desire for learning new things.
Being scared they would discipline him again with medication, I couldn’t continue working with him anymore in order  to develop his progress. I couldn’t continue function in that System anymore and I couldn’t cope with expenses without working. I invested a lot in working on the harmless creative System for autistic kids-working on articles and books, but the System didn’t have a way to use it for children because of credits, licenses and the rest
I started to pack things up planning to help kids not under the System and business laws and rules, but using simple human ways working voluntarily. Beauty of the Place, history connected to language and education, God in all those 365 Churches as well as all those lovely people I met there would support my small intentions-a place to live and volunteer work for special kids. 
That was my Hope!

MONEY BAG

And of course I relied on the money I collected at work -a result of hard job, taking care of disable kids at night and day times-and that would allow me to have a place for living.

 However,

Instead of supporting me, money worked against me. Obviously I did something wrong. And I believe it happened because I stacked in old values, which were in Soviet Union", where people also experienced financial hardship. But it was a big difference. Money was not an issue as they just were not available. I didn’t think that being American has association in human mind as being a Moneybag. It ruined all my plans. I realized that too late. The experience was not pleasant. Probably I just couldn’t use it for my advantage as Money for me was only a tool to create something new. Other people's money never bothered me.
With the Pink Glasses on my nose I thought people would be attracted to my desire to help them and their children and didn't think that money was my main value

THE LEGEND
 
When reality finally took off my “pink glasses” and I landed up from the beautiful clouds, where I kept my head, to the ground together with my unrealistic ideas a local friend told me the legend about that city.

"God decided to punish the Devil for his bad deeds, but Devil asked “Please forgive me. I’d create something so wonderful you would be pleased with me”. And the Devil created a beautiful city on the shore of a blue magnificent lake surrounded by mountains The city had many churches and a lot of trees. When God saw Devil's work, he was delighted and forgave the Devil for his actions. But the Devil stepped aside and whispered to himself: “He does not know what kind of people I put there”

And Indeed,
My life looks as that legend, a place where God and the Devil converged so obviously. People there obviously were afraid of God. They crossed themselves when passed Churches. They even crossed themselves while on the bus, passing Churches high on mountains. But they do not love God as they don't care about his rules. They made their own and ask God favours like that  "Please God made my neighbor's cow die". That was local people explained me about their  mentality

 But still,
I think that God heard the Devil’s whisper and put there small amount especially great people for creating some balance. I was lucky to meet people from God as well as people from Devil and I’d like to tell some stories about them


THE BEST FRIEND

"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our own hell". (Oscar Wilde)

PORTRAIT of JOVAN

I met Jovan, a gym instructor when my head was in clouds and pink glasses made life wonderful. He took care of my neck pain, showed sincerity and open- mind. And he was very interested in my Little Dream and my work with special kids as he loved children himself, worked with them and had his own kids. From time to time he went to USA to make money, so he seemed could understand why I left “a paradise” as local people perceived America. I arranged some gym sessions and we started to work.
Sure, I shared with him my plans for life. As he worked with regular kids, he told me about his desires to include special kids as his work as well. We started to discuss ideas for cooperation and he convinced me that he’d do everything to make my ideas work. He introduced himself as a person with power and respect from people. He said he’d use the local media to inform people.  Besides, he had many friends, and the Mayor of the city was his good friend. Mayer “s wife took gym sessions with Jovan.
He warned me a lot to be careful with local people and their specific mentality, lack of desire to work and take advantage of tourists. Since I didn’t know language I was in risk to become a pray for wrong people.  Then I didn’t know that it’s very popular to say that all around are bad, but I’m the one who is good. Seems as part of local mentality, what I heard pretty often.

BUILDING the TRUST

 Slowly I started to trust Jovan on everything. He introduced me to his little daughter and then to his wife and a small baby. His wife told me that she was teaching their daughter to be honest the same way as her parents taught her. Jovan’s parents were hardworking people. Father left for USA when Yugoslavia broke. Just the same as me. Mom was waiting for him with 3 children. I knew all his family. All children with high education. Everybody is married and have kids. Beautiful decent family. We talked a lot about money affecting people in a bad way and Jovan taking care of other people well-being and physical pain.  Jovan really did everything to show me that he is a sincere caring friend. We talked a lot about how he appreciated honesty and trust in people, being non-materialistic.  I treated him as a son bringing him little presents-chocolate or nice tea. His little baby-son called me “baba”. Most of the time I used to work with young guys and it was very habitual situation for me. In last work I was the only woman in boy’s residence among male workers . They shared their problems, asked for advice or to help out. So for me working partner as Jovan seemed as a regular thing
Since Soviet time sincere people, good friends and unconditional help became a problem in my life. American life seemed wasn’t designed for that. So in my “pink glasses” with my “head in clouds’ I thought that I was bestowed “an angel” to make my dreams come true. It happened that he really became the most reliable and trustful person in my new life by filing up my wings with high hopes. It felt good to have a reliable friend on a new place. Some problem was that all main things should start at the fall when Jovan will return from his summer work in USA.
In short I became completely blind. Even when obvious signs of “something was not really right” and even obviously wrong started to show I still held for my own trust and tried to ignore or find excuses for wrong things. Even when wrong things became obvious to other people I still didn’t give up and when one of Jovan’s friends asked me “Do you trust Jovan in 100%?” I said: “Yes” without any hesitation…

FINALLY: INSIGHT !!!

But then slowly the “worm of doubts” started to raise its head and my mind became realistic. It became obvious “I was taken for a ride” with apartment buying.  I’ve learned later such stories were pretty popular for new comers in those areas or maybe it was everywhere. I was afraid of that and talk to an old friend from Moscow about coming and help out…. But the way  Jovan was already to help me had a nice oldness
I still hoped that we could resolve the problem what Jovan promised while being in America  He explained that he had nothing to do with the fraud and it all the fault of terrible Albanian Mafia which hurts us-honest hardworking people. But being in USA he consulted lawyers how to proceed in order to get out of the story without losing anything. A lot of lies and cheating became obvious

ATTACK is THE BEST DEFENSE

When he returned back he was ”broke financially”  complaining about his financial problems. He also used the tactic “Attack is the best defense” blaming me  for creating gossips about him (although I never mentioned his name to anybody before he came back) He complained  his business suffered because Albania Mafia took revenge of him because he was my friend and helped me to buy an apartment. His words had no logic. So he sent a long list of strange blames and blocked the contact
His wife also refused to meet with me and clarify things in order to find mutually satisfying solution, explaining that her husband is kind of a “real angel”, who only helped everybody around and those who had any doubts about that was very bad person by default.
I met Jovan again suggested him to donate money which were involved in his dishonest actions. I suggested him to donate money to where they should be-for special children.
But he rejected the idea of donation, complained a lot about his financial issues and life being expensive. Returning from USA he refreshed his old business and opened a new one.  He also informed me that my “new friend” a lawyer M. would try to get from me good money.

BASE for SUCH BEHAVIOR-SPECIAL INTEREST

The reason for such behavior I've learned a few years later, when repeated the same scenario in another country. It was still autism and problem with trust
"deficits of ASD in trust and deception are primarily associated with failure of use of social cues." Its only hypostasis-when people got into my "special interest" they can manipulate a lot and I become blind as inside of my mind started a paradise and I accept only the stuff which corresponds to that paradise. People give me plenty and paradise increases together with blindness
 " Any kind of addiction is bad-whether its for alcohol, drugs or idealism" -Carl Jung
I have "special interest" as every autistic child has

"The future is interesting…and neurodivergent
Conversations about the value of neurodivergent minds, and the way society will benefit from different ways of thinking, are escalating. Children with autism have a lot to offer the world and, to unlock their potential, we should empower them by building on their strengths. For far too long the emphasis has been on deficits and how to fix them. Research suggests many ways to build on the strengths of the autistic mind—one being the leveraging of special interests."

The article says, but working in the System we were instructed to keep a child away from his interest. In a real life people either advised me to live as everybody or take advantage for themselves for their own interest. Both od those are no good and I should look for something else

 "Whatever the rake teaches, but the heart believes in miracles"


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