Дневник Сумасшедшего 1395

12835

Martial arts? There is a strong desire to dive into it. I have to change something in my life. My obsession with English made me quite superficial. All those magnificent ideas that filled my mind while I was studying philosophy and reading profound thinkers – where are all those ideas now? Where is my depth? Have I lost it because of the communication with so many people? Wasn’t my “toxic” relationship with A a hint to open my eyes to what’s going on in my life? I’ve become an idiot who talks to everybody and wastes too many words. There was so much power in my words when I used them strategically. I still remember the time when I was able to talk myself into whatever I thought was necessary to do. I still remember the times when I really enjoyed talking to myself – when I composed poems and read them to whatever had ears to hear them. I see. I see. Now, all of that has turned into seeking social approval. Please, folks give me your approval, look at me, look how smart I am, look how disciplined I am. Damn it! The internet and social media corrupted my conscience. I flatter and hang out with fools! I moralize and, and, and. Fuck this bloody “and”! I’m sick of using this fucking conjunction in every sentence. I’ve studied writing for so many damn years! Where is my brilliance? Power, power! Where are you when I need you?

I returned to Wes Cecil’s lectures. I also got back to reading Shakespeare. This is a good sign. Soon, it’s gonna be okay. I anticipate astounding creativity and personal growth. Astounding! Got it?

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