Do Not Leave!

TOUCHING STORY
 
The boy Dani with a short but very difficult biography was completely uncontrollable, and no one could find a common language with him. A kindergarten teacher created a photobook with which she was able to introduce the boy to himself. This changed everything both for Dani and for his teacher. This is a touching story.               
 
NEW STUDENT
 
- Melissa, they brought that boy to you, - the head of the kindergarten looked at me meaningfully,- His grandmother wants to talk to you. 
 
I immediately understood what it was about. Today a new child was to be brought into my group. I work as an educator in a group for children with special needs. This is an ordinary kindergarten, but it is attended only by those children whom we call "special". These are children with developmental disabilities, trauma and other problems. They differ from all other kids and they require increased individual attention. Speech therapists, psychologists and special education teachers deal with them. My task is to reach out to these children, to win their trust and authority. I can't say it's easy. However, once I have been in their company, it is already difficult for me to return to the usual group. I see something very important in helping these little ones who need my help like no one else. It is very captivating, and besides, despite all the difficulties, I do not know a feeling more vivid than that which causes the gullible look of a special child. 
The moment you become part of their unusual world, is difficult to compare with any other. In these children there is something very touching and vulnerable and at the same time courageous, something that is not in others. I don’t love special children more than ordinary ones, rather they remind me of different varieties of flowers. And if ordinary children are beautiful garden flowers full of health, then special children are greenhouse plants, ready to wither or hide from any careless movement. Each of them needs to find a special approach, something that will touch the child and let them know that he can trust you. 
 
- Miss Treeny! - my thoughts were interrupted by the manager, who was waiting for an answer. 
 
- Yes, sorry. I will go to her now. 
 
I went out into the corridor, where an elderly woman with a tired face and a little boy, who was looking tensely at his feet, were sitting on a sofa. From time to time he glanced warily in the direction of the playroom, where the children were playing noisily and merrily. 
 
“Good afternoon,” I smiled kindly. - You wanted to talk to me? 
 
- Miss Treeny?,- The woman looked at me in surprise. -I didn’t think you were so… Hmm. Young. 
 
-Nevertheless, I have been working in groups of children with special needs for ten years, - I smiled again. 
 
I have long been accustomed to the fact that parents react to me in this way. They often think that a good specialist should be older, more experienced and more efficient. But children never experience any problems with my age, rather the opposite. Sometimes they even showed more trust in me than in the caregivers, who looked older. It probably played a role that it was easier for them to identify me with themselves, as if to accept me in the circle of children more than as a authority
 
-I just wanted to tell you a few words about my grandson,- she paused, - Just to let you know that he… He can be very difficult. 
 
- I understand. I think we needs a special key to approach him   And we try to find it.
 
- Yes it is. Miss Treeny! I don't want you to have any illusions. My Danila can be a very difficult child. Frankly, for a long time I doubted whether it was worth sending him to kindergarten. He needs communication with other children, but ... He is aggressive and has gone through a lot in his life, - the woman looked at me carefully, waiting for a reaction. 
 
- I understand. You see, this is not uncommon, and of course we will do everything in our power to smooth it out. In addition, you have the right to choose which of the groups your grandson goes to. In total we have two groups for children with special needs. I work in one of them and my older colleague in the other. 
 
BRAVE  DECISION
 
I didn’t want Danila’s grandmother to decide that I was giving up on the boy, but I thought that she should have a choice. I shifted my gaze to him, who was still looking down at his feet. 
 
- I do not know. Maybe. What do you think? Do you think he could  be in your group? 
 
I did not expect such a question. At that moment the boy sighed and looked up at me. And at that moment I saw something in his eyes, that touched me to the core. It was a mixture of fear and longing, which is unbearable to see in the eyes of a child. Tears welled up in my eyes. 
 
“Of course he could,” I said firmly. – I will gladly take Danila to my group. 
 
I knew this boy's past was sad. In addition to a head injury, he had post-traumatic stress disorder. Given that the boy lived with his grandmother, I suspected that his parents treated him cruelly. Danila's grandmother worked, and therefore she brought him to kindergarten. 
 
For the next week, I was tormented by doubts about how correct my choice was. Frankly speaking, Danila behaved like a real imp. At first he was calm, but as soon as he got used to it, problems began. Every day was a test for me. Monday - Danila hit another boy with a toy. Tuesday - Danila threw a chair at the wall. Wednesday - Danila drew with felt-tip pens on other children. A separate problem was that the boy did not speak at all. In a conversation with his grandmother, I learned that he did not speak from birth. It was even thought that he was deaf, but tests showed the opposite. Danila hears, he just doesn't want to talk to anyone. 
 
It was not in vain, when I said I’d had quite a lot of experience working with special children. I understood that before meeting with me, Danila had experienced many painful situations and his aggressive behavior was due to fear and distrust. It also occurred to me that photographs could help Danila to start communicating. After all, until now he was a closed book, who did not allow anyone to enter his world. 
 
I patiently explained to him why it is not necessary to offend other children. He didn't say a word, sometimes he didn't even look at me. Sometimes he sat staring at the floor, sometimes he just got up and went to another part of the hall. 
 
One of the problems with special children is that they often must relearn how to trust adults. In the case of Danila, this was complicated by the fact that, as a very young child, he faced abuse from his parents. It is always harder when you must teach a child to trust adults again. It's harder than starting from scratch. Children who have lost trust in others have to be taught that adults are not always cruel, that communication with other people does not necessarily bring pain and fear. It's not easy, but it's necessary. Trust is the first step to the socialization of a special child. 

THE PATH to TRUST

I thought for a long time about how to win Danila's trust. At that time, I began to actively use photography in my work. Initially, I was rather skeptical and did not think that this could give noticeable results. Of course, I knew that children like to be photographed, but I did not suspect how much photography can help me in my work. 
One of my methods was motivation through visibility. I encouraged the children with the help of their own photographs. I took pictures of what they did during the day, how they should behave, the rules of etiquette and communication. On the occasions when there were violations of discipline in my group, I used the pictures as a reminder of the rules of conduct. Surprisingly, seeing themselves in the photos, caused them to learn the rules quicker. 
As a teacher in a "special" group, I read a huge amount of educational literature on various methods of working with these children. I recently came across an article on how photography can be used to build rapport and enable a child to communicate. The thought seemed interesting to me, and I decided to use it. I talked to Danila's grandmother and obtained her permission to photograph the boy. She looked a little puzzled, but understood I was trying to find an approach to her grandson, so decided not to interfere.   
A couple of days passed, trying to obtain photos I wanted. I photographed many other children, but most of all Danila. I tried when he would not look at me. When he noticed  I was taking pictures, he pulled faces and tried everything to spoil the picture. However, the photos I took when he was distracted turned out just fine. The little boy, who looks thoughtfully out the window, seemed like a real angel. 
 
However, on the next photo, when he is trying to climb over a small wall into the next class and start a quarrel with children. In another photo, Danila is intently assembling something from a children's Lego. I chose a few pictures that I liked. He behaved well in them. I decided not to show him the photographs until my work on the photobook was completed.   
The photographs showed what Danila does during the day, presented him in the best light. It seemed right to make motivating and inspiring captions under those pictures. For example, in those photos where he draws or paints, I called him an artist. I also had photos during my music lessons, where I named him a musician. I inserted photos of him taken when reading, break time, nap time, lunch time, and snack time. I used only those photos where Danila was well behaved. I wanted him to see, that he could be very good, to motivate him to behave well. When I had enough photos, I collected them together in a small photo book.   
I cut out the words printed on the computer and made the book cover, which was called "A Day in the Life of Danila." There was a picture of him on the cover, and front page, his grandmother was leading him by the hand into the garden. The book itself reflected how I saw this boy, a kind of mirror in which one could see Danila's daily life. I wanted him to look like that when he was well behaved.. There was not a single mention of bad behavior. Only his relationship with his grandmother, his toys, his favorite activities and other pleasant things. 
 
DANILA GETS to KNOW HIMSELF
 
The next day I called the boy to me.   
“Danila, I have a small gift for you,” I solemnly handed him a small box in which the photo book was packed.   
The boy was wide eyed. I did not know if he ever received any gifts in his life, but it seemed that he was as worried as I was. With trembling hands, he tore off the paper, opened the book and saw his face. He looked thoughtfully at the photo. Then he ran to the mirror. As soon as he realized that his face in the reflection and in the photo were identical, he gave me a look of triumph that I had never seen. All day he did not part with his gift. He looked at his photographs and was thoughtful. It seems that this was Danila's first day, which passed very calmly and peacefully. 
In the evening, his grandmother came for him, and the first thing he showed her was his photobook. He showed off enthusiastically and proudly and flatly refused to leave it for the night in the kindergarten.   
The next morning, Danila entered the room, clutching the photobook to his chest, with the other hand he dragged his grandmother behind him. It seemed like he couldn't wait to get into the group. As soon as he noticed me, he escaped from his grandmother's arms and ran up to me. He handed me the book and smiled a real smile.  The first time I had seen him smile like that. Then he ran up to my grandmother and pulled her by the hand to where I was standing. He opened the book to the first page, which showed when his grandmother led him to the garden. I looked at grandmother, and she gave me a restrained smile. I think at that moment we both gained hope to find a way to communicate with Danila.   
This was not the end of the matter. In following days, my special student came to me, showing me his photobook, and making guttural sounds, trying to get attention, and showing me a picture of lunch when we were telling stories, or something else. It was clear that he was asking to do something different than what we were doing. It was rather strange to realize how he was trying to communicate, but I still insisted that he return to what the rest of the guys were doing. It was clear that we were moving by leaps and bounds to establish a real dialogue, which I had not dreamed of.   
From that day on, our relationship with Dani  acquired a special shade. I saw that he was trying to be calmer and gentler in my group. He began to listen to me more attentively, and sometimes even came up and took my hand. This timid display of his attention was probably my most important achievement in those days. 
 
FIRST WORDS

There was another day that I remember for a very long time. The day Danila spoke to me for the first time. There was a quiet time, which he never particularly liked. He rarely slept during the day, sometimes he had nightmares. So I sat next to his bed and quietly talked about his photobook. I said that he had a very busy morning, just like in the photo, and that he should rest to restore strength. At some point, I saw that he began to blink sleepily, and decided that it was time to leave him alone. I got up, he then he said, “Don’t leave”
Just two words, which had such a concentration of feelings and emotions that it was difficult to describe. There was a timid trust and hope that I would not leave. It was the clearest indication that my methods had yielded results. And more importantly, it showed that Danila was finally learning to trust adults. It was a real miracle, which concluded in just two words, "Don't leave."   
That's when I realized he could talk, so we started adding a lot more pictures to his photobook to expand his vocabulary and thus his ability to communicate. Subsequently, the system of working with photobooks was very useful in my practice.   
Seeing the amazing results she brought to Danila, I decided to continue working with photobooks. Together with the children, we made a series of photobooks on various topics related to food, their toys and everyday activities. This creative activity quickly captivated the children. Their favorite photobooks were Friends, Playground, Games, and Good Manners. 

 DANILA a DIRECTOR of PUBLISHING COMPANY
 
Those who knew the children like me, probably guessed that other children in my group started also asking for books. So we got to work. Another unexpected and pleasant detail was that Danila began to enjoy unconditional authority among children. He was the only one among the children who had a finished book, so he became an important bird among the other students. We even created a small publishing house, where Danila was the director, which he was very proud of. Even after the work on the photobooks was completed, the children kept this nickname for him. It seemed to me that this was very important for Danila, as well as the fact that he was actively involved in other projects.   
He started talking. Now Danila speaks with an average sentence structure. He smiles all the time and has never had a single instance of aggression.  Every time a child or adult leaves or enters our office, he greets them. He sings songs. He no longer has nightmares, although it is still difficult to get him to sleep. When he sleeps, he wakes up singing. He shows a lot in sign language and for me his favorite gesture is "I love you". My goal now is to create a photobook about Danila to give to his grandmother. Danila's successes delighted her to tears, and the relief and gratitude that I see in her eyes are beyond comparison. This is the best recognition of my success, apart from my little pupil’s face, which is now free from fear and pain and shines with the joy of life.