Confession of a Ghost. 30. 11. Symphony

“CONFESSION of a GHOST”
a novel by Alexandra Kryuchkova
in the “PLAYING ANOTHER REALITY” series

11 BEFORE/30 AFTER. HOUSE No.11

*****CHARIOTEER*****

***
Somewhere in the Universe


On the 5th floor of the Ziggurat, in the center of the library, Mercury sat mumbling something under his breath and scribbling with a quill on paper. Noticing us, he jumped up from the table, ran up to me and joyfully exclaimed,

“Hi, Rukh! Hello, Guardian! Glad to see you, settle down!”

As soon as we sat down opposite, Mercury started chattering,

“Information-knowledge-power, thought-thinking-mind, word, oral speech and writing, as a result, studies, communication, including in foreign languages, close contacts, brothers and sisters, literature, writers, reformers, innovators, researchers, inventors, travel, commercial negotiations, trade…”

“Not so fast!” I exclaimed. “I don’t have time to absorb it!”

“Mercury is the fastest,” the Guardian laughed. “He instantly absorbs colossal volume of information from any Sphere, digests and transmits it to the world. He learns and teaches everyone. He has a synthetic mind. In Aries, he is hyperactive. Direct his energy to the Higher Self area to gain spiritual activity.”

“A thought captures me instantly and completely! Any new idea is ready to be put into reality. Aries-Mars gives me impulsiveness, the child wants to embrace the immensity, he learns cognizing the world. My ideas and knowledge will lead others, but I respect those who are equal to me in intellect and even smarter. I admire masterpieces in any field, if they are created with intelligence. True, I’m overly touchy and vulnerable. Like any child, I need to be praised and constantly stroked on the head.”

The familiar hiss was heard behind the curtain.

“Get out of here! Although we are in the conjunction, you are always lagging behind!” shouted Mercury and continued, “We’ve got a very densely populated Ziggurat here! You haven’t seen those upstairs yet!”

“Are there many of them up there?” I looked nervously at the ceiling.

“Much more! Well, if you make me very angry, or a snake bites me, I can answer abruptly and sharply with a well-aimed word, it’s better to think twice! I’ll flare up, let off steam and … not Scorpio-Pluto! As an unsurpassed speaker, I’m fond of discussions and appreciate a sense of humor. Truth is born in a dispute! Unlike others, I’m perceptive. I find black holes and weaknesses in my opponents, nothing can be hidden from me. I prefer clear logic and like to juggle facts.”

“Mercury in Aries is an enthusiast, inventor, inspirer, he lights up everyone with his ideas, fights for them, always stands for justice,” the Guardian added. “He also has a great nose for success. He knows what will sprout and bear fruit, and what will rot in the bud.”

“Probably you are fond of reading, aren’t you?” I asked, having looked around at the shelves.

“Books from different fields, but only those that give me food for thought. By the way, everything I’m saying now, feel free to try on yourself. Among the minuses – I’m impatient, sometimes subjective, trusting, like a lamb. I’m often used by manipulators-puppeteers, or rather, my ideas, mind, instinct, energy and organizational skills. Mercury in Aries is the sacrificial lamb. In the degree of workaholics with the developed Higher Self, I never act sneaky, like snakes. I don’t hide behind curtains. I’m melting life into love. This is the degree of exaltation of the Sun. Some people consider it a degree of happiness, others – a degree of emigration. You’ll travel till wow! You’ll expand the mind capitally. There are 4 degrees between me and the Sun, the conjunction is on the verge of incineration. I just feel our lamb to be roasted! At the stake of sacrifice or the Inquisition!”

“In what sense?” I was horrified.

“I’m not shy about expressing my opinion openly,” Mercury replied and laughed, “they don’t like me for that. They’ll put you on a spit, and you’ll appeal to the mind, to the Higher Self, the Divine Light. Lilith is the Lower Self and Darkness. She’ll distort your words beyond recognition, turn everything upside down, causing obvious communication problems. Firstly, because of the attacks of the backstage snakes, you’ll get into the bottle and isolate yourself from contacts. Most likely, the snakes, for example brothers and sisters, will start to torture you even in early childhood. You’ll seem distant and cold to people, but in reality you have a longing for communication, on a different level – as equals, with intelligent and spiritually developed beings. Lilith will make sure to attract the Forces of Darkness to you. When you get vicious bites, you’ll tear all the snakes into pieces by your word and incinerate with your thought. That’s all Lilith needs! That makes her rejoice!”

“What option are you offering? To hide in a bottle? Not to talk to people?”

“To write. Energy flows through me like an avalanche, it’s easier for me to express it through speech, and I have creative thinking. As soon as they bite, sit down and write! If you communicate, do it only with like-minded people. With writers, for example, or with clerics, you have Jupiter a couple of floors higher. Oh, an idea! Communicate with the Saints! I culminate in House No. 11. It’s interesting for me to study the stars, to predict the Future by them, to philosophize. Learn and share knowledge with others. Move around the world, communicate and chat. You need connections with diverse people, especially with important ones, representatives of various cultures and religions, although not on a deeply emotional level. Being Saturn, you’ll become the brain of entire teams, organizations, bring order to them, structure chaos. You need a gigantic platform to implement ideas and relay them,” Mercury looked around the space. “By the way, you can visit the Library of the Universe as well. You’ll get acquainted with the poets of the Silver Age, with mystic writers.”

“Yes, I know,” I sighed. “Can you tell me the details about your conjunction with the Sun?”

“So that the Sun doesn’t burn alive either me or my gifts to you, use them for good. The Sun will see that you are writing not about sex, but about Love, and will think, ‘why should I burn her Mercury?’ The Sun is the Divine Fire of the Sphere of Spirit. The Sun doesn’t burn sunny people, but incinerates the Darkness to ashes. Either during lifetime on Earth, or in Hell.”

“So Rukh, when you are in Ouranoupoli, which Uranus patronizes, buy the ‘Unburnable Bush’ icon there,” the Guardian advised.

“Shall I be able to remember?” I sighed.

“It will pull you!” Mercury grinned and continued, “The Sun enhances the qualities of Mercury in Aries. Add ‘very much’ to what I’ve said before. Such person is given mathematical abilities, foreign languages and a literary gift at the same time. Tendency to deep introspection, ridding the mind of clich;s, switching to work with thought forms. Increased creativity. You need to work with your mind, not with your hands. You’ll get hypersensitivity to any criticism and attacks, up to inferiority complexes, or aggression – a flash of the Sun with Lilith at Mercury in Aries, which is dangerous for others, and the subjectivism of the Lower Self, which the Snake will take advantage of. Writing, writing and more writing is your salvation. There are many obstacles from Evil, but you’ll achieve success.”

“Are you friends with my Moon too, like the Sun?”

“Yes, don’t worry. Another indication of talent in the field of literature. The harmony of mind and feelings, their easy expression. You’ll pull them out of the subconscious and…”

“Which of my Houses do you manage, being in the 11th?”

“House No. 4, Family, roots, real estate, Motherland,” Mercury suddenly became sad, sighed and obviously slowed down the pace of speech. “You’ll dream of a friendly family, a warm and cozy house, but this is a symbol of vagabonds and wanderers. Your parents will be your friends.”

“Friends?!” I couldn’t resist, interrupting Mercury. “They are in my House No. 12, which means the Secret Enemies!”

“Isolation,” Mercury corrected. “Usually such children are brought up by different people at different times, sometimes by friends of their parents or by no one at all. Roots are undermined, there is no stable housing. One is always uncertain in one’s real estate, as if has no private space. One may adopt children. I’m good for practicing esoterics.”

“I’m not allowed to practice magic,” I exhaled grimly.

“I know,” Mercury smiled, getting up from the table, indicating that our conversation was over. “Those who have chosen the Path to Light, are tempted and provoked by Darkness more strongly.”


***
Library of the Universe


“Why are you sad, my soul?” the Guardian patted me on the shoulder with his wing on the way to the Library.

“Why did you let the Snake into my happiest House? She’s not only trying to outshine the Sun with Darkness, she’s also biting Mercury!”

“You incarnate on Earth! There is no Paradise and will never be there. Mercury is energetic and kind, he has no opposition to Pluto. Besides, he is the Charioteer of your Sun.”

“Charioteer? What does it mean?”

“He’ll take your Sun out of any situation,” the Guardian laughed. “The Charioteer is the planet that any Rukh meets after the Sun. Imagine that the Sun rides around the Circle of Life in a Chariot, driven by a Charioteer. In your case, the driver is Mercury. Where he will take your Sun, there it will be!”

“Where will he take the Sun?”

“Apparently, to the Literary Olympus,” the Guardian laughed. “After that to the Library of the Universe to put your books on some shelf. The Charioteer always points to the most important thing, one’s treasure and support, which one won’t want to sacrifice under any circumstances. Remember the words of Mercury, that is where and on what he will take you in the end.”

“With knowledge and word?”

“Yes, he directs the Chariot with the Sun towards the development of the intellect, driving it with the mind, ideas, activity, communication, contacts, and so on. You have a lot of indications of creativity in your passport, and that’s a literary work. The necessary knowledge and contacts will appear without much effort on your part.”

“Isn’t Lilith crawling back and forth between my Mercury and the Sun?”

“The Snake is a fiction. Fictitious planets don’t count. They don’t have the strength to drive the Sun. Besides, your Sun is stronger than all the other planets, as the Moon is. It gives a chance to those who realize it through creativity to win the Snake. The Forces of Darkness always seek out the most painful, weak spot in a person and purposefully hit at the same point, being aware of the fact that drop by drop, one day the cup of patience will overflow, and the person will react with an explosion of emotions.”

“When Lilith is with the Sun in Aries in opposition to Pluto, will one kill oneself or the provoker?”

“I agree, it’s the worst option to have Aries-Mars and Pluto involved. Mars means physical aggression, and Pluto drives like a tank psychologically. However, be tuned in to the victory of the power of the Spirit. People associate the tricks of Lilith with evil fate that haunts a person. The only right choice in such case is humility and non-resistance to Evil. This is the hardest task. If you take a step away from the provokers, Lilith will immediately hand you over to the next ones. It’ll be repeated ad infinitum, until the Snake realizes that you’ll never give in again. By the way, the Sun, in addition to the Charioteer, has an Armour-bearer!”

“Does he carry a weapon?”

“They call so the helper of the Sun, Doryphory, and yours will have only one weapon in life, it’s Universal Love.”

“What do you mean?”

“Doryphory is a planet that any Rukh meets before the Sun. It’s Venus in your case.”

“And Eris?”

“The main planets are considered. Eris is too arrogant. Doryphory shows how, through what the soul realizes its creative potential, grows and develops in order to eventually reveal itself as a person. Opening up, you’ll pour flows of Universal Love into the world, because your Venus is in the terminal degree of Piscis, it means Universal Love overflowing its shores. It’s self-sacrificing by itself, and Doryphory is a sacrificial planet that is burning in the Sun’s rays. Venus is responsible for Love and Creativity. Doryphory, no matter what planet acts in its role, is considered the planet of creative self-ignition, represents the greatest risk for a person to become ‘disarmed’. The soul grows through the knowledge of Spiritual Love. This is the path from the Lower Self to the Higher Self, on which a person will have to sacrifice a lot, in your case, put down the weapon of earthly love and arm yourself with the Divine Love.”

“By losing those I’ll love on Earth, to whom and to what I’ll be attached with my heart,” I said doomed.

“Venus and Mercury are close to the Sun, so your creative disclosure will happen suddenly, abundantly and much earlier than you realize what is happening — already in childhood and immediately with a thirst to embrace the immensity. For example, a child the pianist will compose a symphony for orchestra, a child the writer will write thirty-three novels in various genres or one novel about the cycles of the existence of all planets in the Universe. You’ll start creating for yourself, unconsciously, without giving any importance to it, setting completely different goals for the Future. Such people realize what their true mission on Earth is only many years later.”

“To be honest, I’m overloaded, Angel. Too much information.”

We sat down in the Reading Hall. My future book opened at another page.

“Oh!” the Guardian exclaimed happily. “A fabulous miniature tells us why people stopped seeing and hearing our Reality. You’ll write it at the age of 12–13, and your cousins will laugh hysterically over you. Don’t pay attention. You won’t understand yourself how close your words are to the truth.”

“One day the Evil Wizard inspired people that neither mermaids, nor fairies, nor elves, nor dwarves, nor trolls, nor dryads existed, as if all these creatures were only fruits of their imagination. The Wizard said that anyone who believed him would be able to see for oneself. And, for some reason, people believed the Wizard immediately. Finding none of their former friends, people shouted cheerfully, ‘The Wizard was right!’ They went home and, resentful of their own ‘stupidity’, abandoned the place. So the Reality became a Fairy Tale.”


*****SYMPHONY*****

***
Moscow


I walked through the walls around the flat, from the kitchen to the fireplace room and back, periodically stopping thoughtfully.

“So, what do you think?” Ray asked.

“It’s important what will outweigh on the Scales, my Good or Evil. On the other hand, the soul should determine for itself what it will be drawn to. The soul unites with the corresponding devil, that is, the passion that dominates in it. What’s in the Court, Ray?”

“So far, it’s the same, each exam on each subject ends with equilibrium.”

“They say sometimes Evil outweighs, but the Guardian still begs the Almighty to forgive the ward, however, the soul refuses Paradise, preferring Hell. What matters is whether I still have an unfinished business and earthly attachments to something or someone. I’ll finish something until the 40th day, and I’ll go for a walk boldly, since it’ll be considered as ‘Good’ in plus. But to understand what prevails in me, earthly or heavenly, I need to scan all my feelings about everything in my ex-life, from its beginning to the end. I don’t remember everything, so it’s impossible to find out how I feel now about what I don’t remember, there will be no decision of the Court, and I will be stuck in between… Right?”

“Great. And?”

“I want to be prayed off and not considered … you know. And the devil hid the window handle somewhere.”

“Good girl,” Ray said and added, “except for the fact that you have known all this for 30 days. Or rather, 30 minus 8, since for the first 8 you couldn’t face the loss of your body and stubbornly continued to live by replaying the earthly movie of the already accomplished Past.”

“Don’t push me,” I sighed.

“You have not much left, Alice!” Ray exclaimed. “On the 40th day it’ll be too late! Who will pray for me?”

“I’ll pray for you in Hell as well! I think the last exam is waiting for me on the Full Moon in the abandoned building. I have no idea where to look for the handle. And the unfinished… Tell me, am I the only one who can do it?”

“Take a step to the side! Look from above! Or from some side!”

I instantly moved to the ceiling and hovered. Ray twisted his finger at his temple and sighed heavily. I sank back to the floor.

“I don’t have anyone left here to ask to finish something for me. Anyhow, what can a ghost do without a body?”

“Open your eyes, Alice! You are walking through walls back and forth!”

“I’ve already forgotten, why is it until the 40th day, Ray?” I asked, looking around the walls and noticing nothing but the icons. “If the Court had lasted 50 days, would I have time until the 50th? Do you know, where my Guardian is?”

Ray looked out the window, assessing the position of the Sun, and sighed wearily,

“It’s time for you to go to Athos, stubborn sheep!”


***
Ouranoupoli


“You have an interesting ring!” Socrates remarked. “Who is on it?”

“Guardian angel.”

“What kind of angel?” Socrates asked. “Michael?”

“Michael is an Archangel, and Guardian is an angel!” I laughed. “There are no icons with guardian angels in Ouranoupoli. Nobody’s heard anything about them. Dimitra even asked to send photos of Russian icons to her.”

“What does he look like?”

“He’s winged! When he protects his ward, he does like this!” I hugged Socrates.

“It’s the first time I hear it! We have babies’ angel, he’s depicted with a newborn, sometimes standing by the cradle. Children are sinless. Those died before adolescence go to Paradise and are ranked among the angels. They didn’t know earthly passions, the Forces of Darkness had no access to them. The soul is tested in Ordeals after 7 years on Earth, or according to St. Timothy of Alexandria, since 10.”

“Do you think he protects up only till adolescence, then the devils attack the soul with temptations, the soul go to extremes, because the children’s angel leaves? He takes a step to the side, but he helps all his life, meets at the moment of death and leads to the Judgment. Socrates, you know, I think, the Guardian is the Spirit of a person, the Higher Self. The soul is usually torn between the heavenly Higher Self and the earthly Lower Self. Only the Saints have completely heavenly souls, since their Lower Selves were destroyed during life, the souls merged with the Spirits and became immortal, they help us from Heaven.”

“Who has a dual soul or a completely earthly one, what’s about them?”

“The earthly goes to Earth. The negative, probably, goes to Hell and is burned. The negative ones don’t want to be destroyed, they become devils and try to get inside people to whisper all sorts of different things, inclining them to Evil, thus serving the Prince of Darkness. Those worthy to merge with the Spirit go to Eternity or fall asleep with or without dreams. Then they are woken up by the words, ‘Go, bro, to serve God,’ as a guardian angel, for example. There are many levels. Imagine, I was born on the day of the Moon, and they painted me the icon of the Guardian on a blue background. My son was born on the day of the Sun, and got the icon on a sunny background, but the monks knew neither about my Moon, nor about his Sun!”

“Send me a photo, I want a Guardian too! Does he help you?”

“Why not! He’s standing right next to you, and you don’t even notice him!”

To demonstrate the location of the Guardian to Socrates, Me in the Past sharply moved her hand to the side, piercing Me the Ghost through. Earthly like, afraid of being noticed, I jumped back and collided… with the Monk, who periodically was watching me. Having shut my eyes in fear, I moved to the Tower to Joice.


***
Tower of Ouranoupoli


“Ray is angry, calls me a sheep! I’m scared, Joice!” I sighed as I finished my astral jasmine tea.

“Sometimes, when we move towards our fear, the Mist goes away and we suddenly find something completely unscary,” smiled Joice. “After my death, St. Peter appeared to me. I was afraid that I had written something wrong about him, but he said smiling, ‘Thank you!’”


***
Library of the Universe


“Moony, what do you think I was doing in Hell? You must have known I went down there during my lifetime, right? Did I make a deal with the Devil?”

“One doesn’t have to go down to Hell to make a deal with the Devil,” the Cat purred, leafing through the pages of my diary with the tail.

“I have stories from life for more than one book. Time. Give me time… When? At night I come squeezed like a lemon. My head is full of numbers of budgets, profitability and other rubbish… I publish Blok, Bely, Merezhkovsky and others in the ‘Voices’ series. I dug out Blok’s notebook, so I’ll publish it and take a copy to myself. Both Blok and Bely I want to have at home in full. I came up with 2 more series for foreign languages. I publish classics in English and in Russian, 200–300 books a month from scratch (that is, there are not even texts, you have to search), a stressful schedule with actually 2 editors. This year I’ve published 1709 books, including Shakespeare, and no my own. I made a global project, which was presented to the President himself, and I lived on Athos for a month. And that’s all. My mind goes beyond my head. Catastrophic, I don’t have time for anything. A few days ago I returned to poetry, editing ‘Nostalgia for Atlantis’. It’s very hard, sometimes it takes several days for one word. Or years. When? Maybe I won’t make it in time at all. Such thought makes me very, very sad. I’m spending life on ‘classics’ and ‘projects’. Other people’s projects. ‘The mountain is locked underground’ (I Ching).”


***
Courtroom in the Universe


The Moonlight Sonata was still there. Through the Mist, I saw many souls, including famous ones. I had mentally listed their names, lighting candles in the temple. They came up to the Scales putting their “thank you”, the heart-shaped solar energy, in the right bowl.

“Hello, Alice! Do you recognize me? Haggard! Henry Haggard!” exclaimed the ghost, patting me on the shoulder. “How many volumes of my works did you publish in Russia?! At an editorial review meeting, when someone exclaimed that the Queen of Great Britain should honor you with a medal, you said that in the Other World your classics would come to meet you. You were right! At least the kings and founders of fantastic lost worlds welcome you!”

“Arthur Conan Doyle,” his companion introduced himself, shaking my hand. “Yes, my dear colleague, you started with detectives too, and I did research in the field of spiritualism as well. Thank you for the excellent edition of my Sherlock series!”

“Edgar Allan Poe, great and terrible,” the third ghost bowed. “You loved ghosts for a reason, Alice! But how did a photo bank dare to sell a photo of another writer for the cover of my book just because they didn’t have mine?!”

“We had a lot of fun back then!” Arthur smiled.

“Alice, hello! You loved the blizzard as much as I did, didn’t you?” said the Ghost in White, pushing Edgar Allan Poe aside. “Remember, you had to correct me twice right in the layout program, all four symphonies, since your employee had deleted the edits, you didn’t give up, but stubbornly corrected me from scratch! Thank you for not giving up! You picked up magical pictures for the covers. I liked them, really, the top ten for my ‘Kotik’! How do you like my symphonies?”

“He’s back with his symphonies!” interrupted the Ghost with a lantern in his hand. “You dedicated two books to me, Alice, and even made me a hero of one of them. Perhaps my “Poet”, your favorite since childhood, I wrote to you as well. Do you remember, “Sitting at the window with dad…”? If not for you, my seven-volume edition would have gone to print with mistakes. An employee with a philological education, apparently, didn’t even suspect the existence of the poem “12”, but called the lyrics of 1907 a collection of poems! Your lanterns on the covers, they are magical.”

“Leave your fantasy and magic, gentlemen!” exclaimed the Ghost in Purple. “Rublyovka, May holidays, and Alice over a cup of coffee from morning to night, everything I had written, do you remember?! Yes, admit it, you admired me! Unlike some poets, I was excellent in everything, with amazing self-irony and no magic! I felt you were getting high! I’ve read your books in the Library! Do you want me to crown you here too?”

The Ghost in Purple visualized a crown and handed it to me.

“Take it, don’t be shy!” the Ghost in White smiled. “There are enough crowns for everyone in the Astral! We are all one very long and great Symphony of the Universe!”

“We are kindred souls,” the ghosts nodded, hugging me from all sides.

“Ladies first!” a female voice was heard.

Through the crowd of male ghosts, the Ghost of the Woman, whom I immediately recognized, made her way to me. She smiled and whispered in my ear,

“You haven’t managed to publish me, Alice, but I love you very much!”

“Really?”

“Well, would I let you light my bonfire in Yelabuga? It’ll be all right, you’ll see!”