Useless skills, talents and inventions

Useless skills, talents and inventions.


A week ago, as a guest, I was at a useless talent competition show in Belfast, Northern Ireland.
And to your applause, I will read the most interesting participants.
Brian, he never quarrels with his wife. because he doesn't have a wife.
Cynthia. Can communicate with the spirits of dead people. That's just, they don’t communicate with her.
Peter. The first porn director to film animals having sex. But it's still hard to compete with National Geographic.
Lolita. She worked as a prostitute. But at some point, I realized that if you sleep for money, you can also be a concierge at the same time.
James. Knows how to cook a variety of dishes from tropical fruits, meat and fish. But the tribe of cannibals still looks at James with distrust and a mysterious smile.
George. He knows how to charm women and how to attract them. But in a gay club, for some reason it doesn’t work every time. but there, they know how to charm George.
Jim, choosing his talent between sex, drugs and rock and roll, could not decide, and continued to read a sermon to the parishioners.
Harry. He knows how to make sarcastic jokes at people. But he doesn't know how to fight.
Joe. Knows how to hide better than anyone. In truth, no one ever intended to look for him.
Andrew. He thought that he was talented in the game of chess. But after losing a game to a local bartender, he now thinks he is a talented bartender.
Olivia. She is a talented baker of pies and a master at cleaning the house and washing clothes. Of course, a lot of delicious pies, a clean room and fresh linen were enthusiastically received by the members of the swinger club, but they still counted on Olivia’s other talents.
And who do you think is the winner?
Okay, there will be no long intrigue, I won. As a stand-up comedian who has written a lot of funny jokes. But for some reason no one laughed.
Thanks to all! See you again!