Chinese Vanya

Русский вариант - http://proza.ru/2005/12/16-261

Oh, how long ago it was, and it was - oh, my year of birth plus ten?.. Exactly, I was ten years old then, and the year was 1967. Beginning of summer, spring: we kids have just begun our holidays. We ran outside from morning to evening. There are now many high-rise buildings in Semipalatinsk, even entire districts. And then - only in the center, and even then a couple: the central post office, the government house, the medical institute, and a hotel... We lived in a corner house. Then dad had already abandoned us, so mom, me and my brother Igor, five years younger than me, went to live from Aunt Polina’s apartment to my grandmother’s house. And our grandmother lived on the other half of the house. She was kind to such an extent that she gathered all the homeless into her half.

Who didn’t live there: prostitutes, scourges, thieves, drunks, mentally ill people, people after prison, drug addicts... So, somehow you couldn’t really count on a happy childhood in this society; the fence was common. It’s not surprising that I didn’t pay attention to the new tenant - the old woman; Well, she lived for a while on a bed in the corner of the hallway, sat, lay down and disappeared. One day a Chinese man appeared in our city, namely on our street. I was small then, and therefore he seemed of average height to me, but now that I myself have become taller, it is possible that this Chinese man was also small. We christened him Vanya. He walked near our house, looked into the windows, sat opposite on the rubble and kept waiting for someone to come out of the gate. But who? One day I came out, and he still decided to approach me. He spoke with a strong accent, but everything was clear:

- Girl, do you live here?
- Here.
- Doesn’t Nina live here?
- No. Gerasimovna, an old drunk, lives with her partner Vovka. He didn’t want to return to Moscow from the army, and now they drink steamed without drying. They've been living for a year.
- Who else?
- Two whores: Galka and Tanka. The men are accepted, right on the grandmother's bed. Tomka is a drug addict. Well, no Nina. Ask your grandmother. Yes, Galka and Yurka are still there, they are both in a mental hospital now.
- Nina, should the old lady live with you?
- No, Vanya, he doesn’t live.
- Why Vanya?
- Should your name be something? We call you Vanya.
- It’s a good name, let me be Vanya.
- If you want, talk to the woman, she will shelter you somewhere in the barn.
- I asked her, she doesn’t know Nina, but you are Kaskevichs, right?
- Well, yes, my mother’s maiden name is Kaskevich.

This summer is especially hot. The houses in Semipalatinsk were almost all wooden, one-story, or plastered and whitewashed. The roads are almost all full of potholes and holes. Garbage was removed only at communist cleanup days, and all year the wind drove it back and forth until the rain washed down the paper; both here and there, people filled up potholes in the road with this garbage into the holes left by car wheels. Our street and a couple more were paved, but everywhere there was only dirt and sand. Stray dogs were running around in packs. There were abandoned car tires, bottles and cans of imported
production, because the receiving point did not accept them. This is what Semipalatinsk looked like in the year of the event that I am describing.

Vanya settled in rags between bread and grocery stores a block from our house. There was a ledge and a canopy there, so he was sitting on some old cotton mattress and a blanket was lying on it. Nearby was the door of the bakery, and a little further away was the door of the food store. No one chased him away; in the morning, bread sellers came, usually there were two of them, and gave Vanya the fresh buns they had just received. They poured fresh water into his bottle. In the evening they also gave us the buns that were left. He walked back and forth near our house, he looked into the cracks of the fence and called:
- Nina, Nina, Nina.

Vanya didn’t believe me that the Nina he needed so much didn’t live among so many people. He probably thought that Nina was sick right now, and when she got up, she would come out, he would say hello in Chinese and Nina would want to listen to him.
- Well, Nina is not here, no.
- I believe you, Tanya, but I don’t want to believe it. I don't know where to look for her anymore.
One day he was sitting in his nook. It was a hot day, my children’s friends were somewhere: in the camps or with their grandmothers in the village; So I’m leaning here and there from idleness. I caught a butterfly, at first I just wanted to show Vanya, but suddenly I remembered that in China they eat birds. Well, if all the sparrows were eaten, the butterfly must be a delicacy, so Vanya will be happy. I went to him. He was there.

- Van, I caught a delicacy, eat and be happy!
- They don’t eat butterflies in China.
- What about snakes and sparrows?
- They don’t eat butterflies or grasshoppers. Tanya, well, you should still ask the woman where Nina went, the neighbors said that they saw an old woman living with you a year ago, did she live?
- Oh, a year ago? Well, she lived. I don’t know what to call her, maybe Nina? But the woman, she won’t say anything or lie, that’s her nature. Afanasyeva once told me fortunes about Sashka, but she herself sits and swarms with cards, looking for the king. He will lie. She’ll say she’s gone and gone, but she knows where? I’ll ask my mom, maybe she knows something?
- Tanya, tell me about your grandfather?
- About what, daddy’s?
- Why dad's? Mom’s, Nina is his sister.
- I didn’t know.

- You are still small, but over time you should become interested in your family.
- No need, I’m fed up with one grandma, I would know what her tenants are doing: they’re running around with axes, our kitten was shot in the mouth by a client officer of these two whores. On mine
eyes and Igor, the beast... He lived for three days, the bullet came out near his butt. You know how Martynka suffered: neither drink nor eat; how Igoryokha and I cried... I don’t want to know them all.
- You’re in vain, you should be interested. Shadow, well, ask your mom and you’ll come running to me and tell me. She lived, then?
- I lived, I lived a year ago, but not much.
- She's not dead? You didn't bury her?
- No, she just disappeared one day, no one noticed where she went. Who needs it, grandma came, grandma left?
- Tanya, this is your mother’s aunt.
- So what?
- This is your grandfather's sister, Nina. Kaskevich Nina.
- So what?
- Like what?
- And you Vanya, who is she?
- She is my mother, but I am her and she has never seen me.

- Oh, how would she recognize you if she had never seen you? Wow? But she’s neither of those...
- Whatever?
- He’s silent and that’s it, that’s all.
- Or maybe you didn’t ask her anything?
- Why ask?
- Would you like a bun?
- Let's.
- She is my mom. She was once very rich and lived in St. Petersburg. Then, during the revolution, the family was divided, she and her mother left for France, and her brother, your grandfather, he was an officer under the Tsar, at the last moment he changed his mind about leaving Russia. He told her that he was going to live, and would live only in Semipalatinsk, so, if anything, let her look for him there.
- Yes, he died, a long time ago.
- They told me that he drowned five years ago. Tell me about him? Is this my uncle?

- Well, he lived in the Mikhailovsky Lakes, there, in the forest, he was a forester, it’s about sixty kilometers from here. Go around the lake, far from home, but swim directly. He will tie the clothes on his head and swim. Once he drowned, and a village boy saw it and ran and called the geologists. They came running, dived, dived and found it. I lay there for about twenty minutes before they pulled me out. And the men were healthy, imagine, they pumped out. He lived for another ten years, but it would have been better not to pump him out, he suffered so much with his lungs. I heard him swearing at these geologists, talking nonsense, telling everyone that he was talking to God himself; This light is strong, but does not hurt the eyes, and is kind. And then he died, I vaguely remember him.

I was only five years old. I remember only one moment and very clearly: they brought him in a coffin, from somewhere they put him on two stools. And his eyes are open. Why do they all tell me: Tanya, put a penny in Grandpa’s eyes, and Grandma gave me two nickels. I'm scared, and everyone is looking at me. They probably think that I don’t understand anything and therefore I’m not afraid of anything. And I'm so scared! And I don’t want to show cowardice in front of adults; there are so many around, and all the relatives, grandmother’s friends... She took it and put it down. To this day, whenever I remember, it’s terrifying. I’m not happy myself, it would be better to refuse.”

Vanya listened to me carefully, he was so interested in knowing everything. As if he, such a Chinese Chinese, really felt like our relative.
- Van, what are you carrying in the bag with you? If it’s candy, then what you don’t give to children will spoil? Are you dragging around in the heat?
Vanya laughed.
- No, these are not candies. Guess it?
Beside him lay a bundle tied with braid, wrapped in brown postage paper. I took a closer look: what if there was already a hole, and what would I see?
- And if I guess right, will you give me what’s there?
- I won’t give it back, you don’t need it... These are newspapers in Chinese.
- Why, give it to mom?

- My mother had nothing good in China: what kind of life is it, giving birth to a child and, without seeing him, they immediately take him away? This must be worse than death for a woman.
- Well, don't tell me. I heard that there are some who give birth and leave.
- You are still small, this is very rare, and your mother is probably not like that.
- How do you know, you've never seen her?
- What if I, her son, having learned that she is my mother, rushed to look for her? So what should it be like?
- And my mother beats me both for business and for no reason.
- Maybe from love?
- Yeah, whatever you can get your hands on.

- At first Nina lived in France with her mother, dad stayed in Russia in white clothes, he was also an officer, which means he stayed to beat revolutionaries. And he didn’t return, he probably died. At first Nina and her mother rented an apartment in Paris, but then there was nothing to pay, the money ran out and she went to work; I don’t know how it happened, but she ended up in a brothel. Her mother was mortally ill, and she had no money for medicine or a doctor. A rich Chinese merchant saw her and made a deal with the owner. He sold Nina to the Chinese.
- How do you know everything about her?

- Where she lived for a very long time, where this merchant took her, they still remember her and her story. She told neighbors and acquaintances about herself. So I found out everything after living on this street for a while. The merchant brought her home, and this is a brothel. At first there was a brothel, then, when the communists came, he opened a restaurant, and it’s like the waitresses live while working, and at night there was an underground brothel, and during the day, if the client wishes. Whenever a child was born, the owner sold it to childless families. A couple of years ago, my adoptive mother told me that she was going to die and couldn’t leave with such a burden.
- Where?
- There.
- So, did this one quit too?
- She died. Nina didn’t leave me, she gave birth to me, but I was taken away from her.
- A-a-a, so perhaps you still have brothers and sisters?
- Surely, but who will admit, even if I find, that he is the child of a prostitute?
- But our Tanka and Galka don’t give birth, do people visit them in droves too?
- They perform abortions.
- And what is it?
- Listen, let's change the subject?
- I'm hungry, I'll go home.

- Tanya, ask mom about Nina, where did she go, maybe she knows?
- Okay, but what - well, for example, you found your mother and what - she’s so old, and probably no longer in her mind, what are you going to do with her? Will you hug and go to China?
- No, I will live here with her. I'm a good shoemaker. Somewhere, I’ll sit near a store and fix shoes.
- Do you have a passport?
- Imagine, no, but the police only asked once, he said that he had lost it - they turned around and left. I'm surprised myself.
- Well, yes, what can I take from you, a beggar? If you were drunk and in a sobering station, they would make a plan based on your fine, right? How did you get here, and the border?

- What is the border? This is a border during the day, but at night you go back and forth: border guards go to the nearest village to buy cheap and tasty cigarettes. And the locals live on each side with half their relatives. They walk as if to their home, along the same path with the border guards. I crossed the border, Nina also crossed there, people remember her, I worked there for a year as an employee, learned Russian, and came here.
- Why here?
- They reported that Nina said and always dreamed of going to Semipalatinsk, and her last name was Kaskevich. Alexander is her brother. Okay, go home, don't forget to ask mom. Whatever you find out, run here. OK?
- Yeah... Van, do I look like Nina?
- I don’t know, you saw her, didn’t I?
- She is already an old woman, it is no longer possible to compare us.

There was no one at home. The heat was unbearable. There, under a canopy between the shops, sat the son of the grandmother who lived with us for a short time, and my mother was not home until the evening. I ran to my grandmother, she was lying down, sleeping:
- Bah, are you sleeping?
“I’m not sleeping anymore, well done, I woke you up, I’ll warm you up with a rod, you’ll get out of the habit of yelling!”
- Bah, where did that grandmother go who lived with us a year ago?
- Where, where, she left, got ready and left.
- Didn’t you say anything?
- Did not say.
“Didn’t she say that she was grandpa’s sister?”
- I didn’t say, and I don’t want to know.
- She's your relative.
- She’s nothing to me and leave me alone.
- You’re sorry, all sorts of trash, you’d better feel sorry for her. Where are you going?
- I’ll give it to you now!
- You strangled her and buried her in the barn?!

Mom came in the evening; in the summer the days were long and it got dark late. Therefore, even if I extract any information now, I will have time to get to Vanya. I already picked up Igor from kindergarten.
- Ma, do you remember the grandmother who lived with the woman a year ago?
- Well.
- Well, did she come from China?
- Yes.
- What did she say?
- That's daddy's sister, Nina. Dad also said that there is a sister, Nina.
-Where did grandma go?
- We put her in a nursing home.
- How did you pass it, why?
- Why do we need her, her urine and feces are no longer holding, would you go after her?
- I didn’t smell her, so she stank, are you lying?

She took a towel and, twisting it, walked towards me, I turned away and ran away. Mom swung and tried to hit, I ran to the side.
- I’ll give it to you, are you lying, is your mother lying? How do you talk to your mother? Is your mother lying? Is your mother lying?
- Okay, don't fight, what did I do?
- She didn’t do it, she said it!
- Mom, how did you hand it over, why?
- We said that she had gotten lost, we know, we don’t know her, she’s not related to us, there are no documents. She’s crazy, she says that our relatives, but we don’t know them, and that’s all, they accepted.
- What house is she in?
“She died a month ago, we were told.”
- This Chinese man is her son who shouted at the fence: Nina.
- I guessed.
- Why didn’t you tell him the truth, he hopes?
- Go and tell me.
- Ma, maybe you were deceived, maybe she’s alive?
- There is no benefit for them to deceive. Go tell him to go to the third nursing home, they will show you the grave.

- Van, are you sleeping or something, Van, she, your mother, she died a month ago in the third nursing home.
He sat down, Vanya sat and was silent, staring ahead at the asphalt.
- This is true?
- Yes, Vanya, go there, to the third one, Nina’s grave will be indicated there.
- Yes, I'll go tomorrow.
- What then?
- Then I will go to China. Thank you daughter. I didn’t make it for one month, one month, what a shame, only a month! Thirty days...

When my mother sent me to the store for sugar, milk and bread, I saw that there were old newspapers lying all over the holey asphalt all over the square, they were in Chinese. The wind turned them over, dragged them here and there, and the paper from the package also lay in the middle with a ribbon. Vanya’s mattress lay lonely and Vanya did not sit on it. A blanket lay nearby and prevented passers-by from walking. I dropped into the bakery.
-Where is Vanya?
The saleswomen looked at each other.
- And he went to China.
- He could not go to China, he could not scatter his newspapers, he carried them everywhere with him, like a piece of his Motherland! Where is Vanya?
- You see, girl, this morning I wanted to give him a fresh bun, I approached him, but he didn’t answer, I touched him, but he was dead.
- How dead?!
- Completely dead, not breathing.
- Were your eyes open? Maybe he was sleeping?
- He didn’t sleep, his eyes were closed, he died in his sleep. What is he, your friend?
- He is my relative. Tell me, if there is no one, well, there is no one, where are they buried?
- It seems to be somewhere behind the cement plant, doesn’t it seem so?

The other one answered.
- Yes, it seems so, there are not well-kept graves, they bury people from prisons, nursing homes, and tramps. There.
I was walking back with my shopping and kept thinking:
- Now, Vanya and mom will probably lie very close. Do you have to come so far to lie next to him?
 The wind blew, and the nearest newspaper stuck to my knee, I took it off, the newspaper was in Chinese. A piece of Vanya’s Motherland tried to remind me that I am also a piece, a tiny little blood that also flows, oh, flowed in Van. After all, he was my mother’s cousin.

2005