How Kyrgyzstan fell in love with Europe

 (translated to English by Sarinji Jumagulov)

A long, long time ago a mountainous and beautiful country called Kyrgyzstan, that is situated right in the middle of the great Asian continent, fell in love with the West.  Alas, this love seems to be very hopeless, because the country is surrounded by vast wild steppes and deserts situated very far from sea and ocean as well as from Western civilization and its reforms.
Nevertheless, Kyrgyzstan fell in love with the West and will be glad to run away from Central Asia.  This love to the West, Europe, freedom and democracy is so strong that Kyrgyzstan prays to God, day and night in hopes of reaching the West to marry itself to freedom and Democracy.
It need be said that for countries, unlike humans, one day is akin to a hundred years.
So, Kyrgyzstan prays to the West and beckons freedom as its sacred dream for forty days - meaning four thousand years, beginning from its Altaiс great forefather countries, like the Sumer kingdom, Kujula’s Indian conquest, Attila’s European conquest and last but not least, Genghis-Khan’s empire that stretched from one ocean to other. Furthermore, onwards from Tamerlane, Babur and other hordes of nomadic people rumbling towards West, the South and the East. The more Kyrgyzstan prays, the more it is going to love Europe and the West. The more its people will will it into dream, aim and action by attacking the outer world by dispersing out from the surrounding great land massifs, steppes and deserts toward the oceans.
Eventually the Holy Father Arstanbap-Ata (his name means lion-like father); the protector of our ancient land answered to him:
-You desire well, my son, but I am afraid that you are utterly unprepared for such things! Do you really want to be in freedom and democracy like Albion, Holland and other states?!
You know how difficult it is for you and that commencing will leave you in total calamity and despair? In order to task yourself for such a gorgeous goal, you must be exceptionally well trained in body and soul, prepared for storms, rains and earthquakes as well as eat fruits, berries, and other kinds of vegan foods to sometimes mix them with a very small portion of meat.
Before undertaking reforms and evoking real change in your life; your body, soul and mind have to be cleansed free from heavy and selfish desires. So, enlighten and prepare yourself for justice and democracy because they are severe teachers and governors! They will not tolerate stealth, corruption and manipulation: of the state, body and will. Absolute justice and equality are demanded everywhere in family, words, thoughts and dreams.
So, you ought to be prepared for very hard work by day and by night if you were to build up similar castles, luxurious hotels, marvelous palaces and other types of infrastructure that we have seen in copious quantities in every European country. As if these marvels were created for princesses only with their picky desires and fantasies.
Are you capable of such works and duties, my son?  To be consistent and in harmony for the princess of freedom and democracy? Spend less time eating and sleeping and instead start working more. Sleep in a stone cave in the wild windy mountains. Make preparations for a huge project in order to start them and bring them to an end successfully.
You are, as I noticed from a first glance, exceptionally idle. You fancy comfort and relaxation. How you will make up for duties demanding love? How will you able to live in a quite different reality and under different circumstances? Maybe you would be better off if you were to rumble amidst these wild mountains for another couple of years and marry a girl from our traditional region and culture which would be more convenient for you? Do you really want Europe?
-Yes, I want freedom, democracy and justice – answered Kyrgyzstan to the Holy Father of our country and nation.
- “OK, my son,” said the old man. Close your eyes for an instance, and herewith Arstanbap-Ata blessed him, hailing amens and touching his eyes.
Kyrgyzstan awoke and found itself near the sleeping beauty of democracy, freedom and justice – these sacred combinations of values that have been yearned for, for about a thousand years by many nations who all but cannot reach them. She herself comes to Kyrgyzstan, without any effort from his part except for such trifles like the fortieth day prayer to holy Arstanbap-Ata.   
For him begins a new life and a remarkable epoch. A previously unknown and wild country in but one instant obtained an international status and with it: recognition through which a dozen embassies and agencies of the most influential and established states opened up in the Kyrgyz capital.  Money and investment withal from all over the world start flooding in here.
It was a marvelous time, one that comes about only once in a thousand years. The entire Western world planned to create from Kyrgyzstan a magnificent isle of freedom and democracy, readily paying handsomely for any proper reforms and decent transformations! All of this, was combined together with investment into new technologies and knowledge flown up to Kyrgyzstan. For this happy state needs only change its own mentality to enact a life for the better side. That means learning to work better, to study better and to live in better conditions, according to the Western standards of quality and justice unaccompanied by tolerance to corruption and injustice.
It need just make a reform in its political life by: establishing free and transparent institutions, facilitating free and honest elections, providing more comfort for the working class, levying heavier taxation on rich people and permitting zero tolerance for state embezzlement. Who and where has one heard about such fantastic luck and opportunities! Yes, this boy was married to a princess who not only perfectly knows what to do and how to do it. What’s more is that she paid for all the expenses for this marvelous transformation.   
Nevertheless, even if Kyrgyzstan (with its governmental body as well as its political and intellectual elites) were to cordially and warmly welcome money flowing from the West; it would amount to hard work to refresh and re-arrange the old style of life and to wipe out corruption and embezzlement completely. However, instead of committing to hard work to gradually transform and move the nation step by step toward more decent and honest standards of living, protection and prosperity, the leaders of Kyrgyzstan at first decided to bag all these marvels for themselves and for their families. Very soon their antics would drag the country into massive and unprecedented corruption.          
The people were also being easily manipulated and cheated, even if fate and intuition clearly pointed them in the right direction. The governing elite outperformed them in this game, quickly learning to steal money from society and engaging in it systematically. Only for them to rather accuse and lambast Western donors every time international agencies tried to implement progressive reforms on local soil. Democratic states want to teach Kyrgyzstan and its people basic knowledge about the expenditure of money of those who are in power. Alas, such exceptionally valuable and useful lessons provided rather little inspiration for the majority of people and their common leaders, much less so their governmental bodies.      
Besides, improved labor and working conditions meant more efficiency which was also disliked by many, swiftly fostering a new habit – one of working less and receiving more, in order to facilitate an increased inflow of various investments into Kyrgyzstan in those happy and blessed years that were never repeated again.   
From the other side, the surrounding countries criticized as well as derailed any good attempts and steps which led to Kyrgyzstan ceasing to implement new reforms.               
Eventually the people of Kyrgyzstan and its government went on to criticize the West, including freedom and democracy and even mocked them on their own soil through having been secretly supported by great authoritarian regimes around the world.   
We need no democracy and Western values. There is nothing better than our traditional way of living and our pastoral country back when we lived in a warm, cozy and dormant environment. Even if we were to fall again into the embrace of a great empire, our big brother!
Freedom, of course, is a noble value but it is time for all of us to return home again.   
It is so exhausting, fatally wearisome, sad and amoral to live like the people in Western countries! No friends, no relatives, no free and warm contacts – everyone lives for himself and eats up what is prepared for himself only. Besides, freedom without any checks leads to amoral phenomena such as lesbians, gays, transgender, satanists and other similarly awful occurrences. No, democracy is not for us. We never knew such bad tendencies and social extremities and we shall never know them.         
Consequently, Kyrgyzstan prayed anew to Arstanbap-Ata and asked him for us to return to the old life style to escape from our own territory the values of the West, democracy and freedom at all times.

-What did I tell you, bad boy! – Kyrgyzstan awoke from such tempestuous words and found out itself on the same spot before Arstanbap-Ata who was steering unto him. It’s a very complicated matter, isn’t it!? To fall in love with the princess of the West, democracy and justice! It is much worse when she falls in love with you, eh?
So go home, be happy and never dream about such foolish matters. Furthermore, do not steal the love, democracy, independence and freedom created for and by other nations and countries during different times and circumstances.