The Holy Spirit is my guide. First part

Part One
Lord, bless us!

Dear brothers and sisters, I congratulate you on the feast of Pentecost—the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles of Christ. This day is also called the Birthday of the Orthodox Church.

Until this day, we have labored together to bring forth the truth, the very truth that was hidden from many, as the Christ-killing Jews deliberately and deceitfully led all Orthodox people into a curse and betrayal of God. We, the Russian Orthodox Church of the Tsarist Empire, have done what we could to expose this evil, directed by demonic authorities against Orthodoxy. We have struck down the mouths of the wicked with the Word of God. But, as we see, even the truth about God today interests few. Word contends with word, and so, without the action of the Holy Spirit, truth always leads to disputes—because only the Holy Spirit can awaken the thirst for truth. Therefore, by the blessing of the Most High God, we now move to another stage of preaching.

Our task is to pour into the hearts of people the knowledge of the Life-Giving Spirit of the Living God through the teaching about the Holy Spirit. Our labor, brothers and sisters, for the truth of Christ, will not be in vain. For when the Spirit of God revives people, they will realize how hungry they were for truth. Then all the information revealed by God about the accursed Jews will become necessary. They will find it on our channels.

Once in my youth, the gracious breath of life entered my heart. The Spirit of God filled my soul with grace in the truest sense. I came to know and experience the third Hypostasis of the Living God—that is, the Holy Spirit—and through the Spirit, I came to know the whole Life-Giving Holy Trinity. My heart burned with the great fire of the Spirit of God, who cheered me, comforted me, and brought me joy. I instantly fell in love with Christ—but this love is a wondrous thing. The more you love, the more deeply and strongly you want to love. Later, the Spirit of God, sometimes leaving me because of my sins, would convict me—and then, after repentance, return with even greater power. When you love, you always fear losing the Beloved. A blessed unease about one’s salvation enters the heart, and every time God, for some fault, would depart from me, I would understand that I no longer wanted or could live without my God. From that moment, the Spirit of God Himself became my guide. Though my body is afflicted with many illnesses, in God I have always remained alive.

I always found joy in reading the Lives of the Saints, especially the great martyrs and the fools-for-Christ, whose love for God was so great that I constantly asked the Lord to let my heart taste how powerfully love for God can manifest in a person. Eventually, the Lord heard me and enlightened me—sometimes directly, sometimes through my faithful friend—that such love is granted only to those who suffer innocently for the sake of truth, especially for the Name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. But having a great thirst to acquire this treasure—that is, love for God—I asked more and more fervently for God to grant me the honor of suffering for the Name of Christ. And the All-Merciful Lord not only heard me but also filled my heart with such grace that it cried within, “Abba, Father.” Even before I had suffered for the Name of the Son of God, God the Father, seeing my sincere intention, already adopted me through His grace. Then I understood that suffering for Christ brings great joy. The Most Pure Mother of God herself appears in the burning fire of the Holy Spirit and calls herself our True Mother. If I were to begin telling you how Wondrous, Glorious, Kind, and Merciful our Lady Theotokos is, I would probably stray from the main topic—for I love her greatly. If God permits, I will speak of her as well in different parts of my message about the Holy Spirit.

In addition to great consolations, I also felt terrifying demonic attacks—horrors beyond words. I sensed and saw, in a spiritual way, the hellish fire of their influence. These were not just temptations and urges toward sin, which have their own destructive fire—but the demons themselves, unclean spirits, are utter darkness and hell.

Let me explain a bit: the heart itself is the main sensory organ of the soul, and that is why the battle between the Holy Forces and the dark ones takes place precisely for it—for the heart. In the spiritual world, there are only two fires: Divine and demonic, and two spirits opposing one another. They fight over the human heart. God, who could destroy the devil in an instant, allows him to exist—for our sake. Man is given the gift of free will. Since man is sinful, he sometimes gives his will over to both God and the devil. After death, judgment will come based on which side he inclined toward more.

When the Spirit of God acts and touches the heart with the fire of the Holy Spirit, a person gains a new vision and state—one that brings joy, consolation, calmness of thoughts, great inner peace, and a powerful love for God. In this state, a person sees everything and everyone in the spiritual light of grace. On the contrary, when an evil spirit enters the heart, it too ignites a fire—but from the abyss—filling the heart with unclean emotions proper to the devil, such as unbelief, fears, anxiety, mental noise, irritation, and much else that is opposite to the good feelings from God. If the fire of grace gladdens and brings peace, the demonic fire tortures the chest and burns.

During such attacks from the enemy, a person’s inner perception completely changes, as does his view and understanding of reality. Such people are easy to deceive. Discernment comes when one experiences both kinds of fire—good and evil. By growing in this experiential spiritual feeling, a person becomes discerning, for he learns, by experience, the difference between true good and evil. Through frequent shifts from strong good to clearly evil sensations, the heart gains a clearer perception of both. This perception of evil helps in recognizing the enemy, even when he wears a sheep’s clothing. For no matter how the enemy disguises himself, he still radiates his demonic spirit and energy.
The Holy Spirit is my guide. First part. The Sovereign Patriarsh Zosima.
The Lord allows a person to be immersed in the demonic fire for as long as it takes until he is seasoned through suffering. Such a life is truly spiritual, according to the teachings of the Holy Fathers of Orthodoxy. This allowance of demonic fire begins painfully and becomes even more so. In this terrible pain, hopelessness, and despair, a person learns his own weakness—and thus pride is trampled. Every time one reaches the limit of such suffering, God sends help. Through these trials, I came to realize that God will never abandon me. This is how real trust in Christ is gained. Through trust comes the understanding: if God allows it, then I must endure this pain and suffering. From trust and the awareness of God’s providence, the heart becomes more and more at peace. The fears inspired by demons no longer strike so deeply. Through trust in God and conscious endurance, a person acquires humility—and humility always precedes grace.

As I said, this is a truly spiritual and proper life according to God, which leads all people to salvation. Without walking such a path of experiential knowledge of good and evil, one cannot truly be a Christian, cannot discern the spiritual, and certainly cannot serve as a clergyman. For such people are merely soulish, not spiritual. And the soulish are always in delusion, for they are guided only by external knowledge and by human senses like sight, hearing, and smell. These people merely think they know something but are deluded. Blind guides of the blind, while being blind themselves. In such delusion they grow even more proud and lead others to ruin. But more on them in the next part. God be with you!