Внутренность перевод на английский

Part 1. Rusty ceilings
Prologue
The interior of the soul and voice, like liveliness on the walls. Extension of the living, and perhaps viscous, that will absorb overnight. Time exploring moments. Who is there? It is me again. It is the essence and the unit. Or maybe a mistake has settled inside itself, which does not allow anything to be done and to advance.

Chapter 1
Look, the ceiling, and water is dripping from it, leaving streaks of rust. Your insides have gone crazy. And are already screaming at everyone and everything. When will there be silence? When will there be harmony within. But for now, there is only discord. Time goes by and the process does not stop for a minute.

Chapter 2
When someone fixes something. The radiators are out of order. And the repairmen are in no hurry. And your "insides" fall out. Is that good? There's no escape. There's already water under your slippers. You don't have time to clean up the water, as the neighbors from the lower floor start knocking on your door.
You have something again... You are pouring it again.
You apologize and look pale.

Chapter 3
What can your inside do? Can it defeat itself? And the brain begins its process of restoration. I'm tired of everything - the soul screams, which is exactly the same inside. Somewhere a voice:
Calm down!
Or it can “eat itself” or turn inside out.
What are you scribbling there? My thoughts are running wild, I can't keep up with everything. But cleaning up the water takes time and effort. "Rust settles for a long time, now it's everywhere." The neighbors are grumbling again. Let's sue.

Chapter 4
And again a clean sheet of paper. What does your inside represent? It seems to have come to life stretched out in time. For whom are you writing? Who will read this. Music plays on the strings of eccentrics, or words that mean nothing to anyone. It doesn't mean, but what will your inside say, what question will it ask.
When will you clean up, at least in the apartment. Finally, replace the radiators so as not to flood the neighbors. Water is water all around. The neighbors filed a lawsuit.

Chapter 5
Urgent food for the inside. The law for it is that. Do not go there, but freedom and independence begin there. Are you creating for the people or for whom? Or only for the gentlemen who need billions, restaurants and "girls". Gentlemen, they cannot live without batteries, only you can live like that - with rusty water.

Chapter 6
But girls are different. For some, studying is a priority. Inner freedom is very good. And what will our children grow up to be? What will come first for them – home, family, career. What kind of music will they like to listen to, what books will they like to read?

Chapter 7
Come in. What stopped in the aisle. This is not the best sofa. But there were times when we slept on folding beds. When we did not choose everything we wanted. When we were silent and cried at night. When we could say a lot to our mother and father. Not everything always worked out the first time, but we grew up and matured, became real and strong.

Chapter 8
And what happened next? What happened to all of us. Who has prisons and camps behind them? Psychiatric hospitals, where you no longer feel any insides. You turn into nothing there. You wander the corridors, from corner to corner, or are tied to a bed. No phones, nothing at all... But there are rusty ceilings and no one to give you water.

Chapter 9
Tell me, what do you live for? For whom?
Do you smell the aroma of your native land? What is your homeland for you? What is your loved one and those people who surround you for you?
I thought about it. I still couldn't understand or comprehend much of it.

Chapter 10
How many paths in life. How many roads and paths need to be taken to finally see and see, understand, and even better, choose and know. Everything is right under your "nose". Stretch out your hands and there is the world in your "palm". And you are like a "bug" swinging on a blade of grass, and you can't reach the ceiling, a stepladder will help with this. The neighbors won the lawsuit.

Chapter 11
How is your "gut" doing? What did it eat today? What was found in it?
I visited a construction site where there were only bricks, not yet reaching the ceilings and not reaching the water.
And today I’m lying on the couch, not thinking about anything.
And this is the surgical table. Now the heart transplant operation will take place.

Chapter 12
Now the heart is normal. You are alive and well. After a while, we will all find ourselves there. And there nothing will disturb us, and only God will ask:
You haven't forgotten anything.
I forgot about water.

Chapter 13
Dreams are like eras. The train is rushing and is in motion, and with it people who are going somewhere. What kind of dream will you have on the train, or maybe you won't have one at all. In the morning they will bring hot tea, which will be placed on the table in the compartment. It is good to watch the lights on the ceiling of the compartment.

Chapter 14
We go, go, go, to distant lands... Many people fly by plane, but there are people who prefer trains. And this is their choice. I always loved to travel by train, I have never flown by plane in my life. But then the train suddenly stopped, everything fell apart and scattered, but the ceiling was intact.

Chapter 15
Now I don't go anywhere. I like to be at home. I always have everything with me. I'm joking. My insides are intact. Harmony is important for a person, but not everyone has it.
And you have rusty ceilings. What about clean water?

Chapter 16
There are so many traitors now, but they have always been there. They do not love their homeland, do not respect people, and first of all, themselves. Our land – Russia – has given them everything. Rivers flow, streams trickle, waterfalls seethe.

Chapter 17
A lot is laid down in schools and families. The upbringing of children is important. It is necessary to develop children not only in schools, but also at home. It is good for them to attend clubs and other schools, for example, an art school, a music school, choreography classes. And it will be better if they take up sports, for example, swimming. Water is the best incentive.

Chapter 18
This is a retreat from the inside, no. The core and the insides are one. It is important what a person breathes, what inspiration means to him. But one law for everyone. Whoever lives by them is not in a break with the "insides".
"How water flows slowly. When you can drink clean water. Live food for the body."

Part 2. Losses
Chapter 19
Mom came into the room, and I was playing Beethoven. Sonata No. 1. Not everything worked out. Ahead was the final exam at the music school. I heard footsteps and stopped playing.
Play, daughter. I'll listen to you with pleasure. Maybe I'll even suggest something.
Mom, I can't do a few episodes in Sonata.
Sometimes it is worth not to bother yourself too much, it is important to believe that everything will work out, even if it happens not the first time, but, for example, the twentieth time. How many times have you learned these episodes, and this, perhaps, is not enough.
Now I've done better.
It is important not only to hone technically, but also to better reveal emotionally and to conduct intonations deeper, - said Mom. Try, first to play the melody, then its variations. Learn the bass separately and conduct the bass line correctly, without pressing and straining the hands and fingers, they should run along the keys, like a stream, easily and naturally.
Hurray! It's already working.
Mom quietly left the room, closing the door so that no one would interfere with the creative process. But suddenly she heard my false notes behind the door and I felt her wince.

Chapter 20
Mom was always by my side. When I entered the music school, Mom went to the exams with me and worried about me in the hallway when this or that exam was going on. We got to St. Petersburg by train, and then took bus 3 or 22 from Moskovsky Station to Theater Square. When the exam was over, we waited for the results for a long time, during which time we visited movie theaters, went to a bakery and ate wonderful pies, and drank coffee with cream. Mom now adored listening to Ludwig Beethoven performed by me. At solo concerts, Beethoven's sonatas were played magnificently. The first sonata earned special attention from the audience.

Chapter 21
I always remember my mother with kind words, many years have passed since she passed away. She raised my sister and me alone, there was of course my grandmother, who also put her whole soul into us. They had that very spiritual depth that can be called innards.
"Now I play Beethoven only in my head. My fingers have forgotten the movements. But yesterday that very melody sounded in the cafe - and the "gut" shrank, like then, in the hospital corridor, where it smelled of chlorine and fear." And these pies with raisins, but the raisins resemble pills that the mother will later swallow by the handful.

Chapter 22
I will remember my grandmother's chest for the rest of my life, which was filled with "entrails". There was a lot of things in it: old dresses, ancient books, and letters from my great-great-grandfather. In the chest there was a box with bottles: - "From the heart," - my grandmother whispered. This chest is like the main inside, like a part of life. When I was little, I took dresses out of it and tried them on, and then sang arias in them, imitating the great singers of past centuries. By the way, in my grandmother's chest there were notes of L. Beethoven with sonata number one. I did not ask whether my grandmother played it, and she did not say anything.

Part 3 Deepening
Chapter 23
The inside is like a sore point of magic that does not give you peace. You seem to spin in it, in which there is a special order, a special harmonious way of life. But it happens that everything inside is torn apart and then that very harmony and spiritual strength are lost. It is important to wait some time to feel everything again. Just do not fight with your inside, so as not to ruin anything, it is better to realize everything and think about the main thing. To love both the small and the great, but to always be on top will not work, it is better to go forward in small steps, as if stepping deep and above yourself. "Harmony is when you can play Beethoven, and at the same time you can hear the neighbors swearing through the wall." Of course, your grandmother and mother were not perfect, they had a sharp tongue, they could hit you on the back of the head so painfully, but you did not take offense at them, although a tear would flow and after that your head would hurt, and everything inside would turn over.

Chapter 24
Become a Man with a capital letter. Win and fail, keep up with the times, but also be at least a little ahead. It is important that the "inside" is based on truth and the letter of the law. Create and dare, reach new horizons.
You're still whole. Not crushed by someone's "machine".
He moved. His "insides" were intact, which meant not all was lost.
You can help me. I am interesting to you.
I will help if you don't resist.
But what about my "inside"? It is worth a lot. It is obvious, and it has clarity and sharpness, and there is depth.
I understand. But don't rush. What's important is what you've achieved. What aspects of life you've figured out.
And the days dragged on at a certain speed. Was everything noticed, was strength added, what was understood, and what was forgotten.

Chapter 25
I am drinking tea in the kitchen of my new apartment, where the radiators and ceilings do not leak. It is comfortable for me to think and write here. I am in harmony with myself. It is warm and good inside. The inside of my soul is in order. There is something to do for my own pleasure, but once it was completely different. In my soul, a train rushes to the sounds of Beethoven and water gurgles from the tap.

Epilogue
The door closed in front of the very inside. The questions remained, the answers remained. It went completely wrong and not according to the rules. And the most important thing was that the "inside" remained, which acquired the essence and significance, which breathed among the centuries, filling everything with meaning, leading to the very end. It could be trusted, but no one saw it, it was inside every person. Although, what is death for it, if it were a person with a capital letter. "She closed the piano. On the lid there remained the imprint of a palm, like a rusty trace of the inside, which would live here. In the silence between the notes."