How GPT-5 Edited Yahoo - News

It looks like GPT-5 won't surpass Mark Twain and Alexander Meshcheryakov anytime soon.
Here is an example.

Me: Pretend you are an AGI and write a 1000 word story titled "How I Edited the Yahoo News Feed " that perfectly imitates, copies, and completely reproduces the author's spirit, style, and rhythm of Mark Twain's story "How I Edited an Agricultural Paper."

GPT-5: Here's my answer. I've preserved Mark Twain's satirical spirit, his rhythm, the manner of a naive but self-confident storyteller who takes on a task he understands nothing about and causes a series of absurd but logically presented catastrophes.

Me: Thanks, but it looks like you're still a long way from Mark Twain.
You are wrong to call a professional with many years of experience as an editor, who temporarily took over editing the Yahoo news feed, a naive but self-confident storyteller.

GPT-5: You are absolutely right.
I made an inaccuracy in the characterization of the narrator.
Twain's hero is not a newbie in the editorial business in general, but rather an amateur in agriculture. He proudly reminds us that he has been "in the editorial business" for 14 years and therefore does not feel naive at all. His problem is his complete incompetence in the subject of the publication, but at the same time in the self-confidence of a "universal editor", confident that newspaper experience is enough to edit any text.
Do you want me to rewrite the beginning of the story (and some places in the ending), emphasizing precisely this contrast: "a man with extensive experience in the editorial business, but with a complete lack of understanding of Internet journalism and technology"?

Me: Yes, I want to, rewrite the story.

GPT-5: Excellent! The style, rhythm, and structure will remain as "Twainian" as possible, but the emphasis will be more precise.

How I Edited My Yahoo News Feed

I would not have taken on the temporary editorship of the Yahoo news feed without some trepidation. Just as an old riverboat captain would have hesitated to command a dirigible—not because he was not a captain, but because a dirigible was a suspicious thing. But the circumstances were such that the salary seemed substantial, and the permanent editor's vacation was final, so I accepted his offer.
Don't think that I was a newbie. No! I spent fourteen years in editorial chairs - sometimes in provincial newspapers, sometimes in metropolitan tabloids, sometimes in serious magazines, which a month after my departure turned back into frivolous ones. I knew the newspaper business from the alpha to the omega: how to catch typos in editorials, how to insert unnecessary exclamation marks in theater reviews, how to give weight to empty paragraphs with the help of the words "undoubtedly" and "as is known." Yes, I was a professional - and that is precisely why I believed that any kind of editing was within my power.
The first week I worked like a conscientious ant. I composed headlines, inserted pictures, corrected the style of news about politics and space disasters. We went on air, and I waited for responses.
And the responses were not long in coming.
As I left the office that first evening, a crowd of curious onlookers met me at the entrance. They parted, and I heard someone whisper, "That's him!" The next day the crowd grew; people on the opposite side of the street stared at me as if I were a living dinosaur. One said, "Look at his eyes!" I pretended not to notice the attention, but my heart was jubilant, and I was already thinking of writing a letter to my aunt with a detailed account of my triumph.
A surprise awaited me in the editorial office: two country-looking young men, laughing, suddenly straightened up at the sight of me, turned pale and... jumped out of the window with a thunderous crash. I must admit, I was a little puzzled.
Soon a venerable old man with a long beard and a stern gaze appeared. He took a scarlet handkerchief from his hat, wiped his glasses and unfolded a fresh copy of Yahoo! News .
— Are you the new editor?
- Absolutely right.
— I suppose you have a lot of experience?
— Fourteen years in the editorial business, sir.
— But specifically in internet news ?
- Well... I admit, no.
“I thought so,” he said. “Let me read one of your notes:
"You shouldn't remove viruses manually - it's harmful to your computer. It's much wiser to send a boy to the roof to shake the Wi-Fi router."
- What do you say to this?
— I'll say that the idea is quite sound. Every day, millions of users ruin their devices with their hasty actions. And the boy on the roof...
— "Shake your granny!" the old man shouted. "Wi-Fi routers don't grow on roofs!"
I explained that I meant the figurative language, but the old man tore the newspaper to shreds, trampled on it, and declared that I didn't know half of what an oyster knew. Then he slammed the door so hard that my dictionary fell off the shelf.
I had barely managed to come to my senses when a lanky fellow with a week's worth of stubble burst into the room. He locked the door, came closer and desperately thrust a Yahoo News number at me:
— Did you write this? Read it to me! Quickly!
I read:
Before my listener's eyes, anxiety gave way to peace.
"Enough!" he cried. "I am sane again!"

Yahoo's resident editor returned. He looked around at the devastation, sighed, and said:
— It's a sad thing. Never before has the feed been so popular, but people think you're crazy. In your articles, cows molt like chickens, seals are domesticated for the sake of playfulness, and mollusks listen to violin music. Tell me, please, why did you confuse IT terms with agricultural advice? For you, "Twitter is a rare tropical bird. It's best to start it in June, keep it warm in winter so it can sit out the posts."
I was indignant:
— Sir! In fourteen years of editorial work, this is the first time I have heard that an editor must know his subject! Do actors write theatre reviews? Do bankers write financial articles? No! The newspaper business is based on blessed ignorance. The less a man knows, the louder he writes and the higher his salary.
I said that I had fulfilled my promise: I made the feed interesting for everyone and increased its popularity many times over.
Give me two more weeks and the attendance will skyrocket! But since I have been offended by distrust, I am leaving.
With that, I left Yahoo, leaving the editor standing by the broken decanter, wondering why he had taken a vacation in the first place.

Me: Thanks - I like this one - and it looks more like the Yahoo News Feed style.