Quality product

I often visit the USA, and I have friends there with whom I worked together in a hostel.
So, one of my friends is engaged in purchasing manure. For his greenhouses, and also resells it. But he buys it in Mexico, in the city of Tijuana, because it is twice as cheap there.
And you see, yes, someone goes to buy something illegal, and he goes for manure.
He offers us to go for a new batch.
He has a van, an old one, similar to the one that maniacs drive around in movies.
The three of us cross the border, go to the address.
We arrive at a place about which they say that the locals are afraid to look there.
Well, it's true, sullen and suspicious faces passing by look at us.
By the way, our van has Mexican license plates, that is, so as not to stand out somehow. We also try to look like locals. That is, everyone is extremely serious, Lorenzo, a friend who is doing the shopping, gave me a fake moustache and a cap and sunglasses to be convincing, and Devin got a similar set.
Overall, it looked realistic. Maybe it would have been a real hit if we were wearing wide hats, with guitars and maracas. But I don’t really know how to play or sing. Lorenzo has Mexican roots, and he looked like a local.
Although each of us learned the phrase in Spanish: “No time” - ;No hay tiempo!. So as not to enter into a dialogue with anyone.
While we were waiting, an ancient old man came up to Devin and offered to buy some kind of universal cactus in a pot from him, from which you can make cool tequila, or smoke it. And it’s legal, it only grows in the Chihuahua Desert. Well, and in the old man’s yard. In short, seven bucks and take it! Devin didn't think long and bought such a valuable plant. And I thought: oh shit, I got a magnet with a mariachi for seven bucks, and it's a cool cactus. It's not fair at all!
So we drive up to the point of sale. There are armed guards there, which government agencies could envy. They meet us, Lorenzo tells us the purpose of the visit. The guards understand English.
And then the purchase. It all looked as if we were really buying something illegal, and there should be no mistakes. They rolled out the goods to us, Lorenzo opened one package, sniffed it, rolled it between his fingers, I thought he was going to try some more now, to be completely sure. But the quality was satisfactory. The money was paid, the goods, and there were forty huge packages, were loaded into the van, and we drove back to the States.
On the way, a Mexican police patrol stopped us.
And it seems there is nothing to be afraid of, we crossed the border legally, we have legal goods with invoices of purchase. But there was a feeling that that's it, we are caught.
The police approach us, check the documents, yes, we are not illegals. They ask to open the van.
And there are bags. They ask to open several bags, check, the procedure is the same, we say it is manure, but one of the cops does not believe and tastes it. Then he gives it to his partner, he also tastes it and nods his head affirmatively. But they still doubt. They say, wait.
We wait for about forty minutes, and another patrol arrives, with a dog. It sniffs the bags. But does not find anything illegal.
We are still detained and taken to the station. And we are not under arrest, as they tell us. But they need to make sure of something.
They check the address according to the invoices, and it turns out to be a house, no warehouses. And then the action movie starts, they take us almost to an armored personnel carrier, ask to show the address where we bought the stuff, special forces, a capture group, the state drug control service.
And I think, what if those guys really are selling manure, what will they charge them with, the legal and actual addresses don't match?
They are met there by armed guards, escorted to the warehouse, shown exactly the same bags of manure. Again, a sample is taken from a random bag. The product is of high quality, no questions asked.
But you can't fool a dog, somewhere, somehow, it smells something illegal, and indeed, in one very inconspicuous place, in the wall, there is a secret room. They find a lot of things there that fall under the criminal article.
In my head, what idiots, because of the wrong address indicated on the invoice. That's how they get caught.
They let us go, thanking us for our help.
And I ask, just in case, will they reward us?
The mustachioed, plump policeman nods to his men, and they bring out three bags of manure, give them to each of us and ask: "This is for you, but don't tell anyone."
The van was seized. All the goods, too.
We returned to the States with only three bags of the finest manure.
And Lorenzo was forced to look for new suppliers. Recently he wrote that he found new ones, in another city in Mexico, Mexicali. I think I'll go with them again when I get there.
That's all for me. Thank you!