2. The Book of Knowledge. 10. 4. Letter of Forgive

The BOOK of KNOWLEDGE,
a novel by Alexandra Kryuchkova
in the “PLAYING ANOTHER REALITY” series

PART 2. ANOTHER REALITY

Day №10

CHAPTER 10.4. LETTER OF FORGIVENESS

SUMMER

I returned from St. Petersburg. It was a terribly hot summer that year. Smog. There was nothing to breathe. It was impossible to stay at home, because there was no air conditioning, and if I opened the window, I immediately suffocated from the smoke. I tried to hang curtains soaked with water on the windows, but they dried out in half an hour. I adjusted to sleep in the bathroom, curled up in a ball on the mat between the tub, the sink, and the washing machine. I used to open the shower with cold water, let it waterfall on the wall and caught a buzz. It was useless to get out in the cottage, everything was the same there, even worse, there was no magical shower. I had no money to go abroad. Almost every day after work I drove outside the city to Rublyovka, to the river where my father, mother and me used to be, then my mother and me, then – just me. My Place of Power, although it was no better even there, but I somehow breathed by the river returning home late at night.

I tried to write about the mountain seminar, but my laptop didn’t stand the weather conditions and, having sent me a fiery hello, died.

AUTUMN

Finally, I went to the sea, having found on the Internet the most incredibly cheap offer of a travel agency for the most incredibly beautiful place on the Earth. Those whom I told the price, didn’t believe me, thinking that I was hiding my income. Well, God was with them. Everything turned out to be really incredibly wonderful and without any tricks.

I returned and went to a literary party dedicated to the memory of Blok. I had the honor to speak with a short story about the poet and recite his and my poems. A couple of minutes before going on stage, I was told the stunning news about the Man Who Was Not. Of course, for several months in a row, the Higher Forces had been poking my nose into different signs, and the Book of Changes opened on a stunning phrase with plain words in the forehead. A four-word phrase. Four was symbolic, wasn’t it? But we hate to believe the bad until the last.

When I went out to recite and talk about Blok, someone took a picture of me. One day I would show that photo to Svetlana. She would recoil in horror, keeping silent for a long time, and then she would offer to destroy the photo, since it was not me on it. It was something or someone else. Indeed, I wasn’t there then. I didn’t remember anything I had said on stage. My soul was tossing and twirling, as in the dance inside the circle in the mountains. I left my Self far away and for a long time, and I didn’t want to return. I didn’t want anything, neither to live. Who was driving my car while I was going home from Blok’s party? Why didn’t I crash?

On the fourth day, I realized that I needed to visit my Teacher, so we met. We erased a piece of my memory up to a certain point. He told me I was under a hood. I had to pay my heavenly debts, perhaps after that something would change, not with the Man Who Was Not, but in my life in general.

I found Larisa’s phone number through Svetlana, but the subscriber was not available. They gave me her email address. I wrote a letter. If you have a problem, try writing about it to a person who is ill with oncology. Probably, you’ll never send your message. I sent and expected that she would send me to hell or not answer at all, or answer something like, “I wish I had your problems”. However, Larisa wrote to me to drop everything, buy a ticket to Simferopol, “I’ll meet you there, just write me when. I’ll arrange everything, don’t worry. You need nothing, just buy a ticket. You’ll live here with me for some time. You need to leave to forget everything.”

I couldn’t leave for anywhere anymore, since I had just got back from vacation, and at work I had a big annual exhibition to organize, and there was no one else to work on it but me.

I was getting worse and worse physically. I met Ray, but I didn’t tell him anything. We were silent, as usual. Then he suddenly took my hand, looked into my eyes and said, “You must live, Alice. You shouldn’t die because of someone who is not worthy of you. You have no right to wish yourself death. You are not me. You are constantly being watched closely, and you cannot make mistakes. You’ll be taken from here instantly. Remember urgently, what you haven’t finished here.” So I gave my laptop for repair.

Three weeks passed since that Blok’s party. On Friday night, I felt really bad. I couldn’t eat anything. I got a fever like. Nothing seemed to hurt me, but I felt many things wrong. I didn’t know which doctor to visit. And when? On the night from Sunday to Monday, I had to fly away on a business trip to St. Petersburg, on Monday night – back, early Tuesday morning – to Chelyabinsk till Tuesday night, then, early in the morning, I had to fly to a conference in Venice for a week. I couldn’t cancel business trips. On Saturday night, I asked my Subconscious, “What is happening to me?” and fell asleep. I got up in the morning knowing the answer, there was a clear cause-and-effect connection with the way I had formulated my unwillingness to live three weeks before at Blok’s party.

I remembered RAM’s words in the mountains, “Any program is put into action within 21 days.” Well, here it was, the next day would be the 22nd. The Teacher used to tell me to destroy the original mental program. I used to launch it first, even if later I installed another one, I usually forgot to erase the original one, and it kept working and inexorably leading me to the realization of the intention. It’s easy to know something, but not to put into practice.

On Saturday, I performed and returned home in a terrible state. I remembered Ray’s words, “Remember urgently, what you haven’t finished here.”

I sat down in the kitchen, took an icon, lit the candles. Mentally, in a tone of command, without exclamation marks, I pronounced, referring to my Spirit, “Stop. I’ll stay here. It’s too early to die. I have to finish my Book. As soon as I return from my business trips, I will immediately start working on it.”

This “Book of Knowledge” was a vow, an oath that I took to the Higher Forces in exchange for my life. I was perfectly aware of what I had said and how risky it was. It’s not like promising God to do a thousand kneel down, or to quit smoking, for example. Because I was going to write about such things I had no right to be mistaken about. The Higher Forces were interested in keeping me on the Earth if I wrote relatively correctly. It’s impossible for a mere mortal to write 100% truth, but it’s not allowed to make significant mistakes. The Higher Forces didn’t need a book misleading people. It was easier for them, at the first gross mistake, to send the writer to Another Reality to study there, and then to return him to the Earth in order to write something closer to the truth. But did I have options?

Having dealt with the most important thing, the vow, I took my notebook and started to remember my whole life. I wrote out people I had been in contact with in one way or another since I was 7 years old. At the beginning, I remembered about 100–150 people. I put in front of me a church list of sins to be confessed at ordeals, with all the details of each sin. I started with the dead. They could help me from There. I took the first person, began to write him a Letter of Forgiveness, remembering in detail everything that had happened between us, at the same time running my eyes through the list of sins, in which everything, except perhaps husbandry and bestiality, somehow concerned me, too. I wrote what I remembered, and apologized for those words, thoughts, emotions, actions or lack of them, that took place in each situation. In the last sentence, I wrote that I forgave him, let him go with God and asked him to help me if possible. One such letter took me about half an hour. In the course of writing, about 150 more people were remembered by me. At the same time, in another notebook, I was writing to the Man Who Was Not, according to the method RAM had taught us. You need to write out a whole notebook for 7 days with one and the same phrase. While writing the same phrase for a long time, the Door opens slightly, the phrase goes straight to the Subconscious and launches the Forgiveness program. It’s important if you cannot forgive someone at the level of Consciousness. That night, I wrote to the point of my complete exhaustion for several hours in a row.

I woke up in the morning realizing that the Death program launched 21 days before had been stopped. So the main thing was to complete the work with the Letters of Forgiveness and fulfill my promise to write the Book.

WINTER

I returned from my business trips. I took the resurrected laptop and began to describe Day One. Before the New Year, the laptop died for the second time. I handed it in for repair, but at the same time I understood, it was for a reason. I took out from the bookshelves a mountain of smart books that I had once read, and decided to run through them again with my eyes. I counted their number, about 150, the thinnest had 300 pages, the thickest had 948. I wrote to Larisa, I had bought her a book by an Orthodox priest as a gift, but she didn’t answer.

On New Year holidays, I left for a pilgrimage tour to the Holy Places of Syria-Lebanon-Jordan. A priest was traveling with us with a huge icon of the Smolensk Virgin Mary. I re-read books, using every free minute. On the Jordan River, in the place of the baptism of Christ, I found myself on the day of my own baptism into Orthodoxy, but 21 years later. I returned home, re-reading books every day to the point of exhaustion. RAM came to our city, but I didn’t attend the seminar, and in the last days of January there were two un-re-read books left.

In the evening, I dragged a man out of Death by phone and, having succeeded, rejoiced. But in the morning, a letter from Larisa address in response to my New Year greetings arrived. I opened it. It was her son writing, “Mom died.” I burst into tears and wrote back that people never died, and our mothers were always nearby. I promised to write about Larisa in my Book, sent her photo from the mountain seminar and from the Fire in St. Petersburg I had. Back then, in summer, Larisa had refused the operation with the words, “Alice, how can I live like this then? Who will love me so ugly?! I’d rather die…” She had refused to live being not beautiful.

I took the laptop resurrected for the third time.

They called me from the Main Society of Spell-casters to come to the award ceremony for the winners of the First International Competition “Literary Olympus”, held by the League of Writers of Eurasia. What did I have to do with it? It turned out that a year before I had submitted my manuscript of the First Part of the Book about Another Reality. In total, 1,500 manuscripts from different countries were submitted to the competition. There were about 20 finalists for all nominations. I came there and sat down in the hall. They invited me on the stage and awarded me a gold medal as the winner in the “Prose” nomination. I didn’t believe my eyes or ears, it was a real miracle, and I realized, that was an advance from the Higher Forces for my “Book of Knowledge”. So I was on the right path.

I returned home in tears of happiness, when Sasha called me, his wife had been diagnosed with cancer again. He asked me to talk to her. I said everything I could, everything I knew, at the same time realizing that I urgently needed to drop everything and start writing this Book.

The first chapters appeared on the 17th of February. Without claiming to write the truth, I was just sharing with readers my thoughts on certain topics.

SPRING

I disappeared from the world. Or rather, the world ceased to exist for me while I was writing this Book. I hardly talked to anyone. I wished everyone left me alone. Sometimes, I ate while rereading what I had just written. I wrote at night, because during the day I worked with abbreviations like HPL, SPL, etc. I was afraid that the laptop would left me for Another Reality again, or not only my laptop… Therefore, I posted the chapters on my Internet page as they were written, giving the promised to the world. Even to those few people who would be interested in reading my thoughts. Moreover, if the laptop dematerialized what I had written, there was a chance that it would remain on the Internet. Svetlana downloaded the freshly baked, saving it on her computer. As soon as I finished the chapter “Oncology”, I dialed Sasha and, without explaining anything, asked him to go to my page on the Internet, print it out and give it to his wife. Half an hour later, Sasha called me, having read it, and asked me where he could urgently buy this Book. I said, “Wish me to finish writing it first.”

Everything written here about the seminar and everything else is true. By the way, Sasha really called me Daphne. What about Svetlana? She exists, too, and we lived in the mountains in the same room, but Svetlana can actually teach you something herself now. It was many years ago, when, working together in the Boy’s company, she didn’t know anything about Another Reality. By the way, in autumn, Svetlana took an art course, and her paintings are beautiful. Sasha and Svetlana, if you had the strength and patience to read up to this line, I’m sorry for having used your images, but I couldn’t have made this Book without them.

Having written a little less than half of the Book, I began to feel strange in the area of the throat chakra responsible for creativity and in the area of the Third Eye. I felt the strongest overstrain and vibrations at maximum frequency, my astral body hurt as the result of brainstorming. Just in case, I visited some doctors, at the same time trying to write more slowly, but the doctors gave the verdict, “Absolutely healthy”. Okay, excellent.

On April 4, on the eve of my birthday, I was shown on television for the first time and as a poet. It didn’t matter that it was not on Channel One and not in prime time. I was happy, it was a gift of the Higher Forces. That individual thirty-minute program showed an interview with me about creativity. To the presenter’s question, what was my dream that day, I answered, “To finish my Book.”

I didn’t have a birthday that year. On the one hand, I was working with our Italian business partners at the major exhibition of the doors industry all week. On the other hand, I couldn’t afford to celebrate it until I finished writing the Book. Everyone was waiting for me to invite them to the celebration. A year before, I had arranged a literary party in a bard-art cafe. This time I said I wouldn’t celebrate anything. They probably thought, I deceived them, I would celebrate it, but I didn’t invite them.

It’s human nature to think so. God bless them. And in the evenings, my son came up to me, sitting in the kitchen at the laptop, and asked the same question, “What chapter are you writing?”

Today is the birthday of two characters of this Book. Today is the birthday of the Open Literary Club “Response”, at the celebration of which I have been awarded a Certificate of Honor for faithful service to national literature and achievements in the field of poetry. Today, and it’s the most important, is Easter. To be honest, I didn’t make it on purpose – it just happened so, but you know that there are no coincidences, don’t you? Today I am happy because I have fulfilled my promise, because the Higher Forcers gave me the strength to do it.

Of course, I haven’t discovered anything new. I’ve just shared my thoughts and pointed to those Doors that were opening in front of me. And, finishing the last chapter of this Book, I ask forgiveness from everyone I know and don’t know, but whom I have consciously or unconsciously offended, for everything bad I have done and for everything good I haven’t done, for all my negative words, thoughts, emotions. Forgive me, please, as I have forgiven all of you today, on the Bright Feast of the Resurrection.

I sincerely wish you to bring Goodness and Love to this world, and let the Forces of Light always guard your Path.

April 24, 2011