Guardian Angel. 3. 7. Cardboard Moon

"A GUARDIAN ANGEL"
a mistical novel
by Alexandra Kryuchkova

PART III. 7 SECONDS

3.7. A Cardboard Moon

19:32:07
Library of the Universe


«Well, now there’s just a little left,» the Nun said with a bitter smile, flying from the world into the Library, «to transfer her body with the car back to the original space, where it all started 6 seconds ago. I can’t do it without your help, friends! It’s much easier and safer to pull a car out of the flow into an empty space with no one around, than to pull it back into the dense flow moving at a speed of 120 kilometers per hour, where even an apple has no place to fall. But I came up with something so that no one, to top it all off, bumps into her from behind. Let’s go, friends!»

The Green-eyed came up to me, sitting in an armchair in the corner of the hall.

«Alice, you have to come back there in a second.»

«I won’t come back unless I know the truth.»

I stood up and went to my shelf to see among the ghostly phantoms of books I hadn’t written yet, at least one, dated later than «A Dreams Trap», but the text in them was unreadable! The Man in black robes with a white collar turned to the Green-eyed woman, sadly watching my idle troubles, «Tell her which floor her truth lives on.»

«Alice, go to the House of Life,» the Green-eyed said with a sigh. «In two years, after today’s accident, before making an important decision, you’ll look in the Astral Tablets for the most likely scenario for the future course of events, but you’ll formulate the question incorrectly, so you’ll see much more. Actually, you don’t need to look so far now. The first six fragments are quite enough to decide whether you come back home or not. I don’t think we’ll have to persuade you! Just don’t stay longer than the 6th fragment. When the last, 7th second of the car accident turns into the 8th, you must instantly return to Earth so as not to stay here forever.»»

«How do I know where the 6th fragment ends?» I asked, already burning with impatience to get into the House of Life.

«At the end of the 6th fragment, you go down from the stage you haven’t climbed yet.»

«Well, thank you!» I nodded joyfully and was already flying down the corridor to the exit, when the Nun stopped me and smiled mysteriously, «Alice! If we succeed, I’ll allow you to celebrate your second birthday on mine. Despite the fact that you’ll instantly forget when you come back, how much we tried to do our best here for you!»

«I won’t forget, thanks!»

«When you return to your body,» the Man said, «you’ll feel severe pain, but it’ll heal before your wedding, and you’ll be the most beautiful bride!»

They came to the Window into the World, we waved goodbye to each other, and in an instant, I found myself at the House of Life.


***
the House of Life


I looked around the building from the bottom up, counting the floors. In all windows until the floor indicating my current age, light was on, but above it, everything was foggy and dark. I sighed and went inside. In the elevator, I chose the floor two years more than the current one and instantly found myself on it. Yes, it was quite dark and foggy at the same time. I tried to move carefully into the distance, but I suddenly stopped because of curiosity. It was unlikely that something terrible would happen if I looked through the keyholes of the doors before the date I needed.


***
sometime in the Future, the town of Vysotsk


The door to my birthday. Me in the Future was still lounging in bed in the loft of the cottage I had appeared to move the stars above my head, as the phone rang, and, judging by the conversation, that was the astrologer. She wished me a happy birthday and a good Venus, meaning mutual love.

I was about to slide down the corridor when Me in the Future got another call and smiled kidding, «I congratulate you on the fact that I was born! Who else would write such poems for you?»

I was interested in their conversation, but there was no time for reflection, and I went away.


***
sometime in the Future,
«Petrovich» restaurant


The dimmed hall was full of guests of the Russia-Spain literary party, attended by Svetlana Dion, President of the International Association of Citizens of Arts, who had arrived there from Madrid. On the way onto the stage, Me in the Future, having been suddenly pulled by the hand, turned around and saw Elena Voronova, a clairvoyant and acquaintance of Svetlana. The last time we had met at the house-museum of Marina Tsvetaeva in Moscow. Me in the Future greeted Elena with joy and asked, «Where is my prince? Just don’t tell me, in some years!»

«This summer, but not at the beginning. At the end of July or August. Well, maybe in September!»


***
sometime in the Future, the Union of Writers


Larisa Kuzminskaya invited Me in the Future on a literary tour of Brodsky’s places in Venice, but my passport had expired. I sent my poems to Venice in absentia, and in return I got the contacts of a certain Susanna, a tour guide and a local resident. I sent her an official letter from the Union of Writers with a request to hold a joint «Russia-Italy» literary festival. She called me back.

«Alice! Believe it or not, I visited your web page and found myself on your photos!»

«You? On my photos?» Me in the Future exclaimed in amazement.

«Yes! And do you know where? At the cemetery! In Venice! At the grave of Brodsky! You were there with Evgeny Rein! I was your tour guide! We’ll organizing that festival, but would you like to have a groom from Venice?»


***
sometime in the Future, Alice’s kitchen


I entered the right door in anticipation of the long-awaited happy ending. Me in the Future was sitting in the kitchen at the laptop and typing with a smile a letter to the Space of Options. A strange desire to voice the intention to find a husband (well, or a man) with whom I would meet my old age, came instantly, right in the middle of that Sunday afternoon. I had not just to write the letter, but to send it to as many recipients as possible. Even if they considered me crazy, they would read the letter, and wherever it caught them, my intention would resound and be recorded. Me in the Future clicked on the «Send» button and turned on meditative music.

I merged with myself in the Future. The main thing was not to forget to come back after the 6th fragment.

1

A familiar glade in the mountains. The Sun was shining. Some light music was playing. I headed toward the 108 springs, approached one of the monks and formulated my question, «I WANT TO KNOW WHAT WILL BE…» The monk nodded «Okay,» and I instantly found myself in the blue-black Universe.

2

Suddenly, right in front of me, as if blocking my way, my mother appeared. I could expect to see there whatever and whoever, but not her! For some reason, she was all dark. She had a very gloomy face, I had never seen her like that. She was silent, badly silent. There was an unspoken pain in her tragic silence. It made me uncomfortable. Did my mother know something she didn’t want for me or didn’t want me to know it?

«Mummy!» I said reproachfully, and she retreated. I looked into Eternity, and instantly… the Man Who Was Not appeared in front of me. I didn’t believe my eyes. I saw him clearly, not as a ghost or a luminous spot of a phantom. He silently held out his right hand to me. My father appeared, he took my mother into the sky, leaving me alone with the Man Who Was Not, in the blue-black starry Universe… MWWN mentally said, «Come to me!», and we went slowly somewhere to the mountains, and I was happy, because he finally was nearby.

3

Black silent mountains and yellow-red sky. Light music was playing. We walked in the air over the abyss, behind which there was a monastery. I was in a red dress. The Man Who Was Not was in a blue T-shirt and jeans. With white magic chalk I drew wings on his back, or rather, their outlines. They immediately were filled with white paint and turned into wings, quite small, but very beautiful, like real ones. The MWWN drew wings for me and the outline of a house on the canvas of the sky, like children drew — a triangle was its roof, a square — the base, the door was a rectangle. He opened the door and invited me to come in.

4

We found ourselves in a real house on Earth, where I could clearly see the furniture and everything in it. We went into the kitchen and cooked something, but quick and easy. Then I was going to leave. His wings left his back and waltzed silently to the floor. He carefully removed my wings and they joined his wings on the floor. He hugged me and mentally said, «Well, come to me.» — «I am afraid of you,» I answered mentally and felt my heart skipping a beat. He quietly reassured me, «Don’t be afraid.»

5

Sunrise in the mountains. A VIP appeared, came up to me, we greeted. The VIP and the Man Who Was Not took my hands and led me into the distance, towards the rising Sun. They brought me very close to it. They wanted me to merge with it and become the Sun. In the red dress, I entered the solar disk, and I was no longer the same, because I became the Sun.

6

There it was, the stage I had never been on before! Everyone gathered in the front rows: my ghosts, the Man Who Was Not, and other VIPs. The organizers of the event called me onto the stage, awarded and congratulated me on the victory, took pictures of me. I smiled and walked down the stage towards the Man Who Was Not, absolutely happy.

I remembered the Green-eyed woman’s words to come back in time. I happily took a step away from Me in the Future, meditating in the kitchen, and returned to the Library.


***
Library of the Universe


The smile didn’t leave my face. I walked up to the Window into the World, saw the cars slowly materializing on the road, and waited impatiently for the ghostly dial to appear and the second hand to shift loudly to the right…

Suddenly, I remembered my mother, and a bad premonition crept into my soul, «Mom, why didn’t you want that?!» A frightening thought pierced me through. I hadn’t seen what would happen to me in Venice! Maybe, Venice no longer existed? But what would happen next?

I instantly returned to the House of Life and flew into the elevator, «Hurry!» I had to watch all the fragments to the end!

7

Morning in the mountains. Light, calm music was playing. We had a rest with the MWWN in the glade by the 108 springs. He was sitting with his back against the mountain. I was lying on his knees, in the red dress, facing the clearest blue sky. I felt calm and good, since we were together.

But soon I felt something frightening, horrible and irreparable, that was coming. The music didn’t change, it was still calm and light, sounding in complete dissonance with my presentiment. I got up and turned around. The horror of realizing the picture paralyzed me. I saw my parents. My gloomy mom and dad were coming towards us from the sky, coming closer and closer, inexorably! I knew what for, and every step they took was a knife in my heart! I screamed, «No, mom! No! You have no right to do this!» But they came up to us, took the MWWN by the hands, and I stood there as if paralyzed and couldn’t change anything! The MWWN understood everything, but smiled, «I’ve fulfilled my role in your destiny.» My parents took him to the sky, and I saw on his back those white wings I had once drown for him. I looked at the figures melting in the sky. Suddenly, the MWWN returned for a moment, wiped my tears, smiled and said, «Well, don’t weep, we’ll definitely meet there again,» and disappeared forever…

8

I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to live anymore. The world had collapsed completely and irrevocably… The Man in Black appeared. He took my hand and led me along the thread stretched over the abyss. I was in a black dress. I walked with him automatically and saw black mountains and, as a clairvoyant had once foretold me, the Sun on the black background. There was the abyss beneath me, although there were many people around. Cheerful (!) music was playing. People were fussing, trying to get my attention, they all needed something from me, but they were false. I didn’t want to see anyone, silently following the Man in Black. I became mute. The MWWN had taken away my voice with him, and those three Tarot cards, «Death», «The Sun» and «Love», were read as, Death of the Sun because of Love. It only seemed to people that I was alive. I was no more there.

9

In the blue-black Eternity, Literary Olympus was a mountain that looked like the Tower of Babel with a spiral golden staircase outside. I was standing on the top of the mountain in my red dress, all alone in the void deaf to my pain. I had once dreamed of climbing that mountain to prove to the Man Who Was Not how wrong he had been passing me by. But what did I need that mountain without him for? I went down to the sea. The sky and the sea were blue-black. There was no Moon, but a black boat with me and the Man in Black inside. He had gray, almost white hair. I couldn’t see his face and I didn’t know (or didn’t remember?) who he was, but he wanted to help me. He took me far away, but that wouldn’t change anything.

10

We docked at San Marco at night. The Man in Black brought me to my favorite City-on-the-Water. But stepping on the square, I saw it differently, as a black, sinister city, completely drowned in pitch darkness, and cardboard, like scenery on a theater stage!

The whole earthly world is a huge theatrical stage on which people play performances for ghosts. Dressed in costumes of earthly bodies, they live on the stage surrounded by cardboard scenery, which can be instantly destroyed by the One who keeps prescribing in the Astral Tablets the plot threads of the plays of their destinies. These strange creatures — people — are so enchanted by the magical illusion of changing scenery that only Death is able to rip off the Venetian masks fused with their faces.

I stood on San Marco in pitch darkness, trying in vain to find at least a lantern. The city was de-energized. I didn’t see any light in it. There were only black dead houses around me. Everything there was unreal. Cardboard! Frightening!! Sinister!!! So I ran away in a long dress woven by the Mist, into the distance, along the bridges, trying to find the River that took souls into the sky. I ran, suffocating, along the scenery of black cardboard houses, with no light in the windows, remembering my poem about the Moon River, written when I had met the Man Who Was Not, «On one side of the River, my mother is waiting for me, on the other, you live. I’m sailing between This and That Worlds, between my mother and you…» I didn’t want to sail between the Worlds anymore, because He was in the same World where my mother was.

Finally, I found the transition point! I got to the place where there was no bridge, but steps going right into the water, and similar steps coming out of the water on the opposite side. One wouldn’t be able to jump there. It was the Looking Glass, reflecting everything that was in the world, where the MWWN for some reason had left me. It was a pity that no one could see what I saw, and how I saw the earthly world then. It had become cardboard, black, an ominous monster!

I sat down on the steps leading into the water, waiting for my parents, who were about to come for me. I looked at the black sky, where the huge Moon was hanging. But it was also… cardboard! I turned my gaze down to its reflection — wow! — someone had cut out a cardboard copy of the Moon and put it on the same cardboard (!!!) water… At that moment, having remembered my Heavenly passport with the Moon in Gemini in the 12th Sphere in opposition to Neptune in 6th Sphere, I realized that I had gone mad…

My parents appeared out of the Looking Glass. They came up to the steps on the other side of the River. But suddenly, booming footsteps were heard behind my back. The Man in Black gently took me in his hands, like a little girl, and carried me away.

11

San Marco. Morning. The sunshine. The square gradually came to life, flooded with people. I was standing by the column not far from the Cathedral, so I could see the sea and the island of St. George opposite. I was in a white dress. Cheerful music was playing. And gradually, I began to see Venice the same as I had seen it before. But… how had I got there? What was I doing there? There were ghosts around me, my friends from the Library of the Universe and my parents.

The Man in Black smiled and invited me to dance with him right on the square. The ghosts surrounded us. Nobody saw them but me. It was a pity. I began to see ghosts even during the daytime and much clearer than whatever ordinary people saw. The ghosts whispered, «Alice, come on, smile! Dance, please! That’s what you wanted so much! You need him!» And I realized that it was my wedding, that was why I was in a white dress. But only my ghosts would be among the guests. So I was dancing on San Marco with the Man in Black and the ghosts picked up pigeons throwing them at us and making me smile.

Suddenly, my memory restored completely. I remembered my world collapsing when the Man I loved had gone, and despair overwhelmed me. It was as if I was betraying him.

In the evening, the Man in Black left me alone for a while. And again, everything became cardboard, fake, sinister! That city was like a prison! And I decided to get outside…

12

San Marco. The pier. Morning. The sunshine. A boat and the Man in Black. There was a coffin in the boat. A black, wooden one. The cross on the lid was thin, silver painted. The boatman took us to the island of St. George, then to the island-cemetery of San Michele. Someone called my phone. The Man in Black replied that I had died in my sleep. He would never tell the truth to anyone. I felt easy, because I had freed myself, and my Consciousness had finally cleared up. I was flipping through my life without regret, slowly rising above the Earth towards my parents. And they were showing a film about me in the sky. In the last frame, I froze in my red dress, smiling. Yes, I was leaving absolutely calm. I had fulfilled my destiny on the Earth, so I wasn’t drawn to return. I saw the smiling ghosts from the Library of the Universe, «Well, are you with us now? All your sufferings are over, aren’t they?» And I happily nodded back at them.


***
19:32:07
the 53rd km of the Moscow Ring Road


In the dead car with its wheels looking in different directions, the mangled front bumper and the trunk lid opened wide, under the lead cloud starting to drizzle, the wind was playing with almost deflated curtains and pillows. The girl’s head was lifelessly lowered on the steering wheel. At her feet, there was the open volume of poems by Alexander Blok, and her blood was dripping on its pages.


***
Library of the Universe


Marina ran up to me, shaking me by the shoulders and breaking the afterlife silence with a cry, «WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GO BACK!»

I was slowly drifting towards the Window into the World. There was not a trace left of the silver thread leading to my earthly body. It was de-energized. My ethereal body was dying.

«Alice has seen more than needed,» the Nun stated dryly, coming up to me and sitting next to me on the windowsill. «And we tried to do our best so much!»

«Alice,» a familiar voice was suddenly heard from behind, and it didn’t belong to the inhabitants of the Library. I turned around and saw Raisa Akhmetovna Mansurova… But she was still alive!

«Yes, Alice, I came to you from the Future. I asked the Time Guardian to slow down the 7th second a little more so that I could talk to you. Imagine, I know what you’ve seen. Of course, you’ll forget what is happening to you here and now as soon as you return to Earth. But two years later, in the meditation you’ve joined today, you’ll be shown the same 12 fragments, and you’ll tell me about them so that we can rewrite the script together. Believe me, what you’ve seen in the Tablets is not rigidly fixed. But now it’s time for you to return in order to meet the Man who needs to fulfill his destiny in your destiny and whom you should forgive. You have the right not only to change your destiny in one direction or another, but also to become his guardian on Earth. Yes, why are you surprised? When we truly love, we don’t leave our loved ones being scared of the Future, do we? The Man in Black is just your fear. Don’t let it commit any murder now or later, especially if it has to do with not only you alone…»


***
19:32:08
the 53rd km of the Moscow Ring Road


People got out of the cars stopped nearby. They ran up to the dead car, which had let out its last breath on the third line, with its wheels looking in different directions, the mangled front bumper and the trunk lid opened wide, and silently looked inside through the deflated pillows and curtains. The girl’s head was lifelessly lowered on the steering wheel. At her feet, there was the open volume of poems by Alexander Blok, and her blood was dripping on its pages.

«DEAD!!!» someone in the crowd exclaimed in horror.

Pain was pouring into me. Or was I pouring into it? And it became almost unbearable! I opened my eyes. Through the flickering zigzags on the black background, I distinguished some people…

«ALIVE!!!»

Every breath I took resonated in me with terrible pain, as if my ribs were piercing me through. My head was splitting. I hardly pulled myself away from the steering wheel and saw my blood-soaked dress and the open volume of poems by Alexander Blok at my feet. I slowly bent down, picked up the book and carefully placed it on the seat next to me…

Someone helped me open the door and step outside. That was the only door that could be opened. I could hardly stand on my feet, staggering, and I noticed that the sole of my right shoe had peeled off from a strong blow and was dangling at the tip of the heel. I hardly raised my right hand to my ear and found it all torn. The precious stones had been knocked out of the rings on my hand. Someone handed me a bottle of water. Someone washed and bandaged my ear. I was weeping, and they laughed saying, «What a fool! It’s a miracle, you are alive! And your ear will heal before your wedding!!!»

The lead cloud was reluctantly retreating, making way for the Sun…