Story 6. Where memory hides. Part 3

'It's so beautiful here! You know, I've always dreamed of living in a house with a garden like this!' I said to Muss as we made our way through the fragrant thickets towards the swings. 'Wait, I'm confused. There are the swings, right nearby! But we keep wandering and can't seem to reach them. It's as if they're moving away from us,' I said, puzzled.
 
'That's right,' Muss replied. 'It's because you're so captivated by everything you see here that you can't concentrate on them and truly want to swing on them. Everything here is subject to our inner needs and desires, remember? Like with the food.'
 
'Yes, you're right. I just can't seem to focus. There's so much interesting stuff here,' I said thoughtfully. 'I need to remember my determination and Liata; maybe that will help.'
 
Muss nodded. Go on, he seemed to say.
 
'Poor Liata,' I thought. 'Sitting there in her Amethyst World, waiting for Shipunshsh. And the Sapphire is waiting for Liata. I've really let myself go. On the other hand, I've remembered so much!'
 
'What do you think,' I asked Muss, 'would it be better for me to tense up and concentrate now, or to relax, like when we were waiting for the Guardian? You know, to tune into the swings and everything else.'
 
Muss thought for a moment.
 
'I think it's better to concentrate. At least until we're actually on the swings.'
 
'Okay. Then I'll concentrate.'
 
I closed my eyes and focused on my desire to finally reach the swings and swing on them to my heart's content. As a picture began to form in my mind's eye of Muss and me pushing off from the ground and soaring joyfully into the sky, I felt a soft seat beneath me and a light breeze. I opened one eye.
 
Aha! It was starting to work. It turned out Muss and I were already sitting in some kind of wicker basket, swaying in the wind. Just a little more. The main thing was not to get distracted. The swings, the flight, freedom, the wind…
 
'It's alright! You can open your eyes. You did it,' Muss finally said cheerfully. 'Well done!'
 
I opened my eyes. And indeed – swings! So comfortable! And from them, you could see the sea perfectly. Simply lovely.
 
A light breeze brought new, exciting scents – salt water, sun-warmed rocks, silence, and serenity.
Just don't ask me what silence or serenity smells like. It's impossible to describe. But if you ever catch that scent – you'll never mistake it for anything else. So there!
 
Everything around us rustled – the leaves of the trees, the tall grasses, the flowers and bushes. Everything was set in motion. A continuous kaleidoscope of colourful blurs surrounded us – where was the sky, where was the earth – impossible to tell! And then we were rushing with Muss towards the solar wind – close your eyes, don't close your eyes – nothing helped. Everything glittered, sparkled, shimmered. It occurred to me that this must be what a comet's tail looks like. Why a comet? – Who knows!
 
'Hooray! No one knows me! I don't even know myself! And why this silly division into me and everything else? I am the whole world, and the whole world is me! Every blade of grass, every little bug – we are all parts of a single whole, like the little crystals in a child's kaleidoscope. Turn it this way – one pattern, and you're in one world; turn it that way – and you're someone else, in some other universe!' These were the thoughts and realisations that visited me as Muss and I swung on the swings.
 
Forgetting about time – that was Ayane and Kotess's instruction. Time indeed! Time itself was just a little crystal, a magical spiral in the whirl of things. You could travel from the past to the future, or vice versa – from the future to the past, or even more fun – radiate out in all directions from the present. That's what time is! What did you think?
 
At some point, I realised I was swinging alone, without Muss. But this didn't worry me at all. I remembered that he was supposed to go and look for the sea, and I somehow already knew that he had found it. And that he would soon come back for me.
 
And I also understood that I didn't need to grow up any more. I was both an adult and a child at the same time. Whatever form of me the world needed, that's what I would be. There was no need to attach myself to just one.
 
'So that's why, sometimes, looking in the mirror, I'd see a little girl, then a young woman, then a wise, cheerful old lady. Well, I never! Ayane needn't have worried about me,' I thought cheerfully.
 
'So where is my wonderful Muss? Isn't it time for him to lead me to the sea?' I asked a nearby tree.
 
'Muss has a meeting with himself,' words rustled in my head. 'It will take some time. But Rozzea and Kotess will come to you soon. Don't worry.'
 
'A meeting with himself? What's that?' I exclaimed in bewilderment.
 
Again, quiet, whispering laughter came from everywhere.
 
'One part of Muss always remains motionless in the border region. That's the Witness. The Witness of everything Muss does as a Guide. Sometimes they have to meet and exchange states,' the tree's voice rustled in my head again. 'After that, Muss will be free.'
 
'More and more interesting! Now there's a Witness involved!' was all I could think, because I suddenly noticed Kotess and Rozzea sitting on the swings.
 
'Here we are!' they both cried joyfully in unison. 'Did you miss us?'
 
'Of course! Where have you been all this time?' I cried back. 'So much has happened! And Muss, it turns out, is double – a Guide and a Witness in one, can you imagine?' I couldn't help blurting out.
 
'We know!' they laughed cheerfully again, in unison, and came over to hug me.
 
'At least now you don't have to wait for me on the coast,' said Kotess, when the laughter subsided. 'Everything has worked out very well! You forgot about time so thoroughly that time decided to befriend you. That's why we didn't need all that waiting for the light to change and so on. Muss went straight to himself, to himself-the-Witness, I mean, and found out everything he needed there. But he'll tell you all about it when you meet.'
 
'And I'll take everyone where they need to go,' added Rozzea.
 
And we all laughed again, as if bound together by some amazing secret. Well, actually, that was pretty much the case.)
 
---
 
'But what about Muss? Where is he now?' I asked Kotess, puzzled.
 
'I just spoke with him,' she replied. 'He'll be here soon.'
 
'So I won't get to the sea after all,' I said sadly. 'And I wanted to so badly…'
 
'We'll all go there together, but a little later,' Kotess explained. 'Let's wait for Muss. He'll bring news. Depending on what he tells us, we'll decide what to do.'
 
'Alright. But let's still go to the sea, no matter what news Muss brings, okay? Otherwise, I'll find it hard to concentrate on our task,' I explained. 'I'll be dreaming about the sea all the time, and it will inevitably catch up with us. Mark my words!'
 
Rozzea and Kotess exchanged glances.
 
'Am I trying to convince myself, or you?' I tried to justify myself. 'Nothing personal.'
 
They couldn't help but burst out laughing.
 
'Are you trying to persuade yourself or us?' Kotess asked merrily.
 
'If it's us, don't bother too much,' Rozzea chimed in. 'We love the sea too. Just think, how can anyone do anything important without seeing the sea first, eh?'
 
'Phew! Thank goodness I don't have to persuade them,' I thought with relief. 'They understand perfectly well themselves. Our Dense World has really spoiled my character. I always have to be in control, convincing someone of something. It's so tiring!'
 
'But that's exactly why you were entrusted with rescuing Liata. So don't badmouth your Dense World; it's a good one,' someone whispered in my ear and covered my eyes with soft, fluffy paws.
 
Someone? Well, of course, it was Muss. Who else knows so well what's going on in my head?
 
'You're back at last! Hurray!' I yelled. And I buried my face in Muss's fluffy fur.
 
Just so you know, Muss can easily change his size – sometimes he's small and looks like an ordinary cat, and sometimes he's huge. You can bury yourself completely in his fur. And it's such bliss, I tell you!
 
'How I've missed you! And we only just saw each other, just a couple of eternities ago,' I said happily.
 
'Don't worry,' Muss comforted me. 'I'm always with you in some way, even when I go off on my own business. You know now that I exist in two forms, right?'
 
'Yes, the tree told me,' I replied. 'It's so amazing! Do I exist in two forms too, or what?'
 
'Oh! You have many more than two!' Muss burst out laughing at my bewildered expression. 'That's no joke. But let's not talk about that now, okay? Right now, we have to deal with Liata.'
 
'So, did you find out what happened?' we all asked almost in unison.
 
'Generally, yes. But there are a few nuances that aren't clear to me yet. We'll figure them out as we go.'
 
'And? What happened?!' Kotess and Rozzea grew anxious.
 
'Liata is multi-layered, like our Enny,' Muss began. 'And during the transition from our world to the Amethyst one, right on the border between worlds, she met a good friend of hers, someone she'd been very close to in childhood. He was lost there. And she, kind soul that she is, decided to stay with him and help. He had no idea what had happened to him. She had to give him her memory. And along with her memory, her knowledge. This helped him survive and not lose his mind completely. I've already met him. A good guy, very sensible. Part of Liata is still with him. Her memory is there too. So the part of Liata that did make it to the Amethyst World had to manage for a long time not only without memory, but without knowledge either. But now it's time to put everything back in its place,' Muss concluded.
 
We were stunned into silence. How terrible! Not only no memory, but also lost knowledge. That's really, really frightening!
 
My face must have clearly shown everything I was feeling, because Muss couldn't help but smile.
 
'And do you know what helped Liata survive in the Amethyst World? That's what you want to ask, but don't dare, isn't it?'
 
I nodded, because I suddenly found I couldn't speak. My mouth was dry, my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, my legs felt like jelly – I was about to faint! What was happening to me?
 
'Liata was helped by your bead,' Muss continued, ignoring my state. 'In it, you stored your determination and will to survive under any circumstances. And do you know why? Because you too had been in a similar situation once. And that's when you focused a powerful intention, which later materialised as a bead.'
 
'B-b-but what about Liata?' I finally managed to stammer.
 
'Liata, thanks to you and that ordeal, gained invaluable experience. In time, you'll understand what I mean.'
 
'And her bead is with me. Has it helped me somehow?'
 
'It's still helping you,' Muss replied softly. 'Haven't you noticed how light and fearless you've become?'
 
'I-I have,' I mumbled uncertainly. 'So it's not really me? Am I completely different deep down?'
 
'It's you now,' Muss smiled. 'Any experience we've ever lived through becomes ours by right. And if we wish, we can always draw upon it. And isn't that good news?' Muss winked merrily at me.
 
And then I felt a spring, hidden deep within me, one I hadn't even suspected, begin to slowly unwind, and for perhaps the first time in my life, I could finally breathe easily and joyfully, and stop worrying about everything.
 
'Well, well,' Kotess and Rozzea murmured thoughtfully, when they'd recovered from the shock of Muss's story. 'Things are really complicated for you humans!'
 
'So what do we do now?' I asked cautiously.
 
'Well, what else? First, we visit the sea, and then we'll see,' and Muss gave me a meaningful look.
 
I laughed with relief. It was so good to understand each other with just half a word, half a glance. And I realised with delight that the last remnants of tension and fear had left me. How could anyone worry about anything when there was a sea nearby?