Chapter 32

  Leolik looked around the room with interest. An old two-room flat. The ceiling that hasn’t been whitewashed for ages. He walked into the room. It was tiny. It barely had enough room for a sofa bed, a wardrobe, and a couple of squashed worn-out armchairs. A bookshelf, crammed with some books, was hanging forlornly on the wall. The wallpaper was faded, with a small floral pattern. Lyudmila wasn’t in the room. The bed hadn’t been made. The sheets and blankets were crumpled. There was a window in the room, dusty and long unwashed. Leolik was glad that Lyudmila wasn’t in the room. He walked over to the wardrobe. Inside, he found a pair of old, worn-out jeans and a shirt. On a shelf, he found clean underwear, a T-shirt, and socks. But everything was quite old and worn out. He sighed. He got dressed. Yes, this wasn’t Geia. He remembered his room in the palace. The ceilings are so low here.
– Damn it! What the hell, which ceilings? I’m Leolik! In a different body! I’m not Valeriy at all. Who is he, and what is he? Milena! I’m here, and she’s there. I wonder, where Valeriy’s soul has gone? Into my body, on Geia? No! No, and no again! – that’s what the guy was thinking about, while looking around.
    All of a sudden, Leolik realized the horror of his situation completely.
– All right, calm down – he told himself. – You’re on the Earth. When you were on Geia, you did have some knowledge, Leolik. That’s clearly Valeriy’s knowledge. I’m grateful to him for that, at least. He’s not a complete idiot, I've picked up some practical skills from him. Yeah, this'll be harder than escaping the palace. Here, I have to escape from the Earth and from a stranger’s body. Chronos, of course, has been torturing his thinking computer right now. Yeah, I’ll have to find a way to charm that local firecracker, Lyudmila. Valeriy has strange taste, though. He’s drawn to chubby women. Although Nyusha was a bit on the plump side, too. But she was a pretty hot girl. She was injured by the fire seriously, of course. Well, her hair'll grow back. But one half of her face is perfectly normal. If Milena lets me, I’ll marry both of them. Damn it! I’m on the Earth, actually! I’m daydreaming, idiot.
    Leolik decided to walk over to the window. It was early spring outside. There was still slushy snow on the ground, with trash visible on top of it: beer cans, scraps of paper, dog shit.
– Well, nature’s whispering. What a shitty motherland. I wonder, what if Valery’s not a total drunk? Where does he keep his money?
    Leolik came up to the bookshelf and picked up the first book he came across. It was a science fiction novel. Leolik flipped through the pages, and suddenly money started spilling out of it.
– Great! – Lelik cheered up. He counted the money. – Not bad. Twenty. You haven’t drunk it all away yet, Valerik. Well done!
    Leolik put the money into his shirt pocket.
– So, I need to find a cell phone. Call Sasha or Dimon. Find out what happened to me, actually.
    Leolik cheered up and decided to head to the kitchen. Lyudmila was clearly there, making some noise. The kitchen was small. Lyudmila was boiling a kettle on the gas stove. She was wearing a dressing gown over her bare body. The gown was above the knee. Two fat legs stuck out from under it. Leolik slightly touched Lyudmila’s butt with his hand.
– Hey, do we have anything to eat? How many days was I out cold?
– Two days! And there’s nothing to eat. Wanna a hobo pack?
– Hobo pack? What’s that?
– Rolton. I’ll make a portion right now.
    Leolik was watching Lyudmila with interest.
– Yeah, that’s not Milena, – he was thinking to himself.
    He couldn’t help but recall how Milena used to feed him. Lyudmila took out two packets of instant noodles and poured boiling water over them right into the trays.
– Lyudmila, do we have anything to drink? Like some wine? My head’s splitting.
– Wait a minute.
    She rushed into the room.
– Yeah, – Leolik thought. – Not into my room. Looks like I’ve just been staying at her place. I wonder, what she has in her room there? I should have a look.
    Lyudmila brought an opened bottle of red wine. She popped the cork. She served Leolik a glass. Leolik was watching her face with interest.
– I wonder if she's mixed it with something or not? – he was thinking. But her face was indifferent.
– Yeah, looks like she’s not thinking about love right now. Well, we’ll see…
    Leolik downed the shot. He grimaced.
– Wrong wine. What a load of crap.
– We need to go to the grocery store. Shall we go?
– Huh, are you inviting me?
– What’s so strange about that? You weren’t shy about fucking with me, but now when we’re talking about going to the grocer's, you’re suddenly embarrassed? Yeah, we need to buy some vodka. Just in case guests come up.
– Are you still on that? I won’t let them in. When you passed out, your buddies took off in a flash. They were scared out of their minds that you’d passed out. You looked like you were dead. I tried everything to bring you back to life. I kissed you, I cried, and I fucked you.
– Right, right. That’s really interesting. Tell me more about that. How were you fucking me when I was half-dead? Two days in a row?
– You had an amazing hard-on. Almost the whole two days. I couldn’t let a moment like that go to waste. I couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry. I really enjoyed that, jumping on you.
– All right, we won’t get any vodka. But buy some wine. Just not that shit you've already served me with, – Leolik said, pulling a five-thousand-rouble bill from his shirt pocket and handing it to Lyudmila. – And pick up whatever else we need for the house.
    Lyudmila gave Leolik a wild look.
– Valera?
– Go get dressed. I need to take a walk in the fresh air, get some air.
    Just then, a gray cat timidly wandered into the kitchen. He was clearly drawn by the smell of noodles. The cat looked frightened and thin. It stared at Leolik with wild, terrified eyes.
– Oh! So it turns out we even have some pets in our household, after all. Why are you so skinny? Doesn't your housemaid feed you? Come on, handsome, go eat, – Leolik said, placing his tray in front of the cat.
    Lyudmila was staring at Leolik in amazement. The cat was staring too. Then he began to devour the noodles.
– But you hate cats, Valera! Vaska’s terrified of you.
– I’m strict, but fair. As long as he doesn’t take a dump in my room, he can sleep here – I don’t mind.
    About half an hour later, Leolik went outside with Lyudmila. He was wearing an old black synthetic-fill jacket and a fox-fur hat. Lyudmila was also wearing a synthetic-fill jacket and a hat. The reality on the street was even worse than the view from the window. What a shitty city. Everywhere you looked, there were piles of trash mixed with snow. Cars were moving in a continuous stream down the street. The supermarket turned out to be not far from their five-storey building.
– Well, go ahead and buy whatever we need. I’ll wait for you outside. It’s been a while since I’ve had some fresh air.
    Leolik touched his cell phone in his pocket a while ago. While Lyudmila was walking through the departments, Leolik found two numbers in his memory. He decided to dial Sasha’s number first. Leolik had only a vague idea of who Sasha was and what kind of relationship Valeriy had had with him. He couldn’t remember anything. There was no answer. Just a long dial tone. He had to dial the second number.
– Dimon!
– Oh! Valerik! You’re actually alive. We were starting to think you’d never come to.
– Hey, cut the chatter. Just tell me, please. What's happened to me?
– Nothing special, we had some vodka. Had a bite to eat. Then Lyudka served you some wine, and you just fell asleep out of the blue. Don’t you remember anything?
– No! My memory’s completely ruined. Can you tell me what my relationship with Lyudmila is? Who is she to me?
– Come on! The loony bin is crying out for you.
– Listen, Dimon, I’m serious. I don’t remember a thing. It looks like Lyudmila slipped something into my wine. Tell me, is she my wife?
– What the hell kind of wife is that! You rented her a room. She hasn’t paid you in ages. Well, she cleans up, does the laundry, mops the floors. Like she’s working her rent off. So, have you decided to get married? I told you, don’t mix vodka with wine. Women, they’re just like that. Before you know it, she’ll be all over you. Well, do you at least fuck her? To get her debt paid?
– Listen, who am I, what do I do for a living?
– Too bad. Things have really gone to hell. You’re a welder, and you’re on vacation right now. Anyway, when you finally come to your senses, give me a call. I’ll tell you a thing or two about your biography. Sorry, I’m with a lady right now.
    Leolik’s situation has become a little clearer. Things got a lot more fun. He was fed up with hanging out on the street. He went inside the grocery store. He spotted a kiosk selling cat and dog supplies. A young, plump, dyed-blonde woman was sitting in the kiosk.
– Leolik, – she suddenly called out to him.
– Do you know me? – he asked, surprised.
– Valerik, have you completely lost your mind drinking? Don’t you recognize me? Tanya, I'm Tanushka.
– Oh, Tanushka. Sorry, I’ve got a terrible hangover – I don’t even know who I am. I've gone out to the grocer's with my otter.
– Otter – is that Lyudmila, actually? Have you fallen in love with her? I've told you to marry me. I’m much prettier than she is, after all.
– Love comes unexpectedly. But I’ll think about your offer.
– I’ll give you something to think about! I’ll give you so much to think about that you'll beg it’s enough. Both of you. What are you, bitch, hitting on my boyfriend? – a voice suddenly rang out behind Leolik.
    Leolik turned around. Lyudmila was standing behind him with some bags. It looked like she’d heard the whole conversation.
– Hey, Mila, don’t make a big deal out of it. I've just stopped by to buy some cat litter for Vasiliy. And a litter box. Lady, here you are – Leolik handed her a bill.
    Tatyana gave a smile, then quickly grabbed a bag of cat litter and a litter box from the shelf. She counted out the change. She stuffed everything into a carrier bag.
– You are welcome, – she said.
    Leolik grabbed the bags from Lyudmila, gave the bag with the litter box into her hands, and went out in the street. Lyudmila, red-faced and angry, followed Leolik outside.
– Lyudmila, as far as I remember, you’re not my wife. And there’s no point in having a family conflict in public. Have you bought wine?
– I bought it, – Lyudmila said grimly.
– Well, that’s just great. Going home?
– I need to get to the drug store. Give me a thousand.
    Leolik flinched and smiled to himself:
– All right! Great! The client’s ready. Looks like they’re going to test granny's recipe on me all over again today. Well, Valerik, watch out. If Chronos isn’t lying, then his plate spaceship – the one hidden behind the Moon – will return my mind to Geia today.
    Leolik almost figured it out: the granny’s recipe was something like that liqueur Nyushka had poured him a whole glass of back then.
    Leolik handed Lyudmila the money.
– Come on, I’ll just wait for you outside.
    Half an hour later, they were already home. The cat was greeting them happily.
– Mila, cook up something to eat. I’m going to introduce the cat to his new litter box.
    Lyudmila nodded gloomily and went into the kitchen. Leolik went into the bathroom. The cat followed him curiously. Leolik showed him the new litter box and litter. The cat really liked it. He rubbed against Leolik’s legs. Lelik washed his hands. He glanced in the mirror.
– What a face you’ve got, Valera!
    Then he went into the kitchen. Lyudmila was slicing some sausage. Leolik grabbed a piece. He took a bite. He called the cat over and gave the cat almost the entire slice of sausage. Vasily gave him a grateful look and began to sink his teeth into the sausage.
– Lyudmila, I’m gonna take a quick nap. Call me when everything’s ready.
    Leolik went to his room. And he really dozed off. The cat peeked into his room and curled up next to Leolik. Leolik picked him up and tucked the cat under the blankets with him.
    He woke up because Lyudmila was shaking him.
– Valera, let’s have the meal.
    Leolik struggled to get up. He went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. His head didn’t hurt.
– Well, Leolik. It’s time. Milena’s probably been waiting for me on Geia for ages. God bless, everything will work out, – he thought, and walked into the kitchen.
    It smelled delicious. The table was more or less set. Sausage, cheese, and bread, all neatly sliced, it was all arranged on small saucers. A large bowl of borscht was already waiting for Leolik. A bottle of red wine stood on the table. Leolik smiled:
– I wonder if she has spiked it or not?
    Leolik dug into the borscht. He suddenly realized he hadn’t eaten anything for a long time. For the second course, there were potatoes with meat. Leolik even forgot about the wine. Lyudmila was clearly nervous, barely moving her spoon in her plate. Finally, Leolik felt full.
– Well, serve me some. I won’t say no to wine.
    Lyudmila handed him a small glass of wine.
– Lyudmila! I’ve had a meal. Five little shots like that won’t be enough for me. Just serve me a full glass.
    She gave a sigh. She took a glass out of the cupboard and filled it straight from the bottle. Leolik began to drink.
– Yeah! That familiar taste! That’s exactly the same that Nyusha used to get me drunk. She's mixed it in, though. Now I’m really in the mood for sex. Damn, I just hope Valera’s heart'll make it. He’s not a young fellow, actually, – Leolik thought.
    Then Leolik stood up. He walked over to Lyudmila. He ripped the pink plush robe off her. Just as he’d thought, she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. No panties, no bra.
– Let’s go to your room…
    Leolik’s cock felt like it was about to burst out of his body. Ignoring the interior surroundings, Leolik threw Lyudmila onto the bed and roughly entered her without any prelude patting. She was awaiting for him. Everything was wet down there. He began to move quickly, expecting to pass out at any moment. And that’s exactly what happened. At the very peak of their mutual orgasm, he lost his consciousness.

      ***

    Darkness. That velvety darkness again, the kind you just want to touch and stroke. A whistle. And suddenly the whistle turned into music. A harpsichord, a cello, a flute. The flute was simply weeping, tearing one's heart. Leolik opened his eyes. Yes! It was that very play the girls had once played for him at their rehearsal. He looked around. Nyusha came into his view. Was she playing the flute? And tears were streaming from her eyes.
– Girls, you’re really surprising! You've actually brought your harpsichord!
– He’s awake!
    The music stopped. What followed was beyond belief. They were kissing him and showering him with a flood of tears. Milena, Nyusha, Kisa, Tusya. Queen Ksenia. Doctors in white coats were trying to pull the girls away. They gave him an injection in his arm. Leolik woke up in his own body on Geia. He remembered everything that had happened on the Earth with Lyudmila. He tried to stand up. But there was a helmet with wires on his head. He himself was completely naked. But that wasn’t bothering him. Chronos appeared in his field of vision.
– So, how did it go? Did you find all the answers to your questions?
– Is Valeriy alive?
– Yeah. I’ve finally managed to sort out your shared memories. You remember bits and pieces of his life; he remembers all your adventures. I hope he won’t go crazy. He’s in his own body, you’re in yours. I’m pulling the relay off the Earth. From now on, it’ll just be your life here.
– Chronos, have I been gone long?
– Almost four months.
– Milena! Where are you? I wanna touch you.
– Leolik, I’m here.
    She walked over to him. She placed his hand onto her belly.
– Leolik, we’re having twins.
– Mila, I’m so happy! It seems I've missed the most interesting part!