Priceless Christmas Airmail

Olga Shcheglova (Boris Bidyaga)

IN THE HALL OF A THOUSAND TRUTHS
Miniature №18
PRICELESS CHRISTMAS AIRMAIL

On the sidelines of yet another summit, Russian President Vladimir Putin finds himself under intense psychological pressure from his "partners." From the left, Kazakh President Kassym-Jomart Tokayev presses him hard. From the right, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi chips away at his resolve.

TOKAYEV:
— The war in Ukraine must be stopped. It is in the best interests of both nations, in the interests of both the Ukrainian and Russian peoples. Problems must be resolved through peaceful means. Especially since, in essence, there was never any objective reason for this war.

MODI:
— India is weary of this war. Every single day of conflict drags humanity backward. We do not want to return to the Stone Age. We have no desire to live by the law of the jungle. The war in Ukraine must be brought to an end.

PUTIN (rattling it off, with the hunted look of a cornered animal):
— Russia is making every possible effort to put an end to this war. We are moving steadily toward the resolution of this conflict.

MODI:
— Three months ago, you said the conflict was nearing its end.

PUTIN:
— We didn't start this — NATO unleashed this war. Russia is doing everything in its power to stop this monstrous carnage. But Ukraine, instigated by the West, is resisting it with all its might.

TOKAYEV:
— Yesterday, your Ministry of Defense reported the preparation for new, large-scale strikes on Ukrainian energy infrastructure.

MODI:
— Earlier reports indicated that the Kremlin intends to intensify its attacks on Ukraine.

PUTIN:
— This is being done for one purpose only: to bring the war to a swift end. Purely as a warning. Just as persuasion.

TOKAYEV:
— A warning???

MODI:
— Persuasion???

TOKAYEV:
— This looks a lot more like escalation.

PUTIN:
— Ukraine is to blame for the escalation, not us. The entire country is busy either developing or manufacturing weapons. On top of that, they’ve forced half of Europe to produce drones and microchips for them. No wonder Zelensky doesn’t want peace — what on earth is he going to do with all those weapons otherwise?

(Pause: Tokayev and Modi, at a loss for words, look at each other in sheer bewilderment.)

PUTIN (with sudden enthusiasm):
— As for us, we stand for peace. Yes, exactly. But in this cruel world, peace cannot be achieved cheaply. One has to fight for peace. One has to pay for peace. Regardless of the cost, the adversary must be persuaded by any means necessary. Yesterday, for instance, we sent to Ukraine several dozen priceless Christmas airmail packages — worth 50 million dollars in total. Straight from the bottom of our hearts. I do hope our generosity will be properly appreciated.
By the way, the delivery notifications came through within ten minutes. Spontaneously, all over social media. With photo verification.
As a matter of fact, we didn't want this. We are for peace. But if they keep being stubborn, we’ll send more. What else is left for us to do?

#OrthodoxMilitaryPutinism