Toy as Tool For Spiritual and Moral Education

Olga Shcheglova (Boris Bidyaga)

IN THE HALL OF A THOUSAND TRUTHS

Miniature №16
THE TOY AS A TOOL FOR SPIRITUAL AND MORAL EDUCATION

Russia, Moscow. The session hall of the State Duma of the Russian Federation. Russian President Vladimir Putin is addressing the deputies.

Putin:
— Esteemed deputies! Friends! Comrades! Six months ago, we passed a law on the mandatory compliance of children's toys with our traditional values. This is wonderful! Moral and ethical ideals must be instilled in children from the cradle. But why, for heaven's sake, have we put this law under glass? Why is it not being applied in practice? Why are our children playing with toys that introduce alien mindsets into their unformed minds? I would even say: hostile mindsets.

Take, for example, our traditional Matryoshka doll. You are all well acquainted with it. Inside the first Matryoshka is a smaller one, inside the second is an even smaller one, and so on. An absolutely transparent allegory of reproduction. The idea itself is wonderful. But the implementation is completely worthless. In this form, the Matryoshka becomes nothing other than a symbol of the degradation and degeneration of the Russian nation. Let me explain. If we designate the largest Matryoshka as the grandmother, then in each new generation she turns out to have only one demographic unit, in other words — one descendant: one daughter, one granddaughter, one great-granddaughter, and so on. What kind of reproduction is that? That is not reproduction, that is self-destruction! Every Matryoshka must have at least three daughters! Then our "grandmother" will have nine granddaughters and twenty-seven great-granddaughters! Now that’s what I call reproduction! That’s what I call geometric progression!

Well, three children is certainly not the limit. But purely technically, stuffing four "daughters" into each Matryoshka would be difficult. Therefore, I propose to start with three. Our girls must absorb from an early age the idea that every mother must have at least three children. And let's call this doll exactly that — "Mama-Tryoshka".

[In the Russian language "tryoshka"=3]

The second example is the "Van'ka-Stander" doll, which is also well known to all of you. The catch here is that it cannot be laid down — the doll spontaneously assumes a vertical position. A wonderful metaphor... of resilience, and we must utilize it. We will keep the actual mechanism of standing up, but the appearance of the doll must be changed to make it look like a... ahem... reproductive... ahem... organ. Not naturalistically, without specific biological details. No vulgarity, comrades. It should be a purely artistic interpretation, but the symbolism must be read clearly: an eternally erect... ahem... core on which our traditional strong family rests.

There is a double benefit for us here. Firstly, our girls must get used to the reproductive... ahem... organ from birth. Otherwise, some of them grow up with an completely unjustified sense of squeamishness: you see, they are ashamed to look at it and disgusted to touch it. It is no wonder that such girls later march under the banners of the LGBT.

As for the boys, it will be a symbol of male strength and an ideal to strive for.
And let's give this doll a proper name, for example, "Daddy-Stander".

And we must sell these two toys as a set, under the brand "Our Family Values". So that from birth, a child gets used to how demographic functions are distributed in our family.

And finally, toys related to war. Finally, our manufacturers have started producing pistols that fire bullets. Plastic ones, of course. But this is a huge step forward. However, let’s look at the tanks! Yes, they drive, and they can be controlled. But a tank is not passenger transport! A tank must shoot! With shells, even if they are plastic. And we need to add special effects: the sound of a gunshot, smoke from the barrel, the smell of burning. Future warriors must get used to the hardships of frontline life from an early age.

The same goes for airplanes. They already fly and are controlled by radio signals. But a boy must understand from the cradle that airplanes know how to drop bombs. Plastic ones, of course. But also with a crash, fire, and smoke.

And for the older boys, we will produce real, functional models of small arms — pistols, Kalashnikov assault rifles, and the like. Made of super-hard plastic or aluminum alloy. So that a boy learns to disassemble and assemble a weapon in a minute, knows which parts need to be cleaned and lubricated. So that he knows how to aim and hit stationary and moving objects.

We will make a "Young Shooter" app, link it to the State Services portal, and for each hit, for each passed standard, the boy will receive bonuses and ranks. And when we conscript him into the army, he won’t be a greenhorn, but a real fighter with experience. Depending on his achievements, he will immediately receive the rank of sergeant or lieutenant. This is our most crucial goal.

Of course, such functional models will not be cheap. But we will include them in the list of socially significant goods, which, as you know, are sold to the population for next to nothing. In a worst-case scenario, we’ll save on healthcare. Or on road repairs. After all, you can drive a tank on broken roads anyway. And the patriotic education of our youth is the guarantee of our future prosperity.

Take action, comrades! Victory will be ours!

#OrthodoxMilitaryPutinism