The Most Illustrious Order of Gilded Poop

Phaleristics has fascinated me since early childhood. For those who may not know, phaleristics is, so to speak, an auxiliary historical discipline that studies the history of orders, medals, and badges. I remember that when I was still a child, my grandfather—a veteran of several wars, decorated with several orders and medals, and a man who had worn the military uniform of three different states—would always tell me: “You should take less interest in all these orders and other bits of tinsel! They’re nothing but utter filth!” But... as the saying goes, the seed fell on barren ground.

Anyway, just the other day, I was sitting at my computer, studying the lists of orders awarded by Thailand and Laos. Why? Simply because I was curious. As I familiarized myself with the subject, the pompous names of the highest honors bestowed by these two distant and rather exotic countries (such as the Order of the Million Elephants and the White Parasol or the Most Admirable Order of the Direkgunabhorn) sent my thoughts wandering in the direction of cynical humor. So, I turned to my wife, who was peacefully sipping her coffee and smoking on the patio, and posed an unexpected question:

“Listen, darling, don’t you think it’s a shame that the world has no such high distinction as, say, the Order of Gilded Poop? Surely such an award could be used to honor bad people. After all, wasn’t the Silver Medal of Judas once instituted by the Russian Emperor Peter I to reward traitors?”

“Why, of course there is such an award,” my wife replied, blowing a few smoke rings. “It’s called the Nobel Peace Prize.”

27.10.2026