Runtu Trauma and theday my brothers died Australia

Runtu : Trauma: / http://proza.ru/2023/11/19/989  /  at night in the hospital as a small boy and the day my brothers died… Australia

2023 : Tiktok : Runtu, Uri Telegram : Автор и 62 книги о Россиянах на 2-DVDs в Библиотеках Москвы : ' О Pусском 3арубежьe в США, Европе и Австралии ' : Общение и Опыт жизни Выдающихся личностей - помог мне прожить счастливую жизнь на Западе и в России : Библиотечные Фонды России: Hео-трансцендентальный театр 2000-2004 / http://www.proza.ru/2006/04/14-339 / Media TV Radio Celebrities Russia / http://proza.ru/2021/03/31/135 / 2022

2023 - 2006 : Telegram : Runtu, Uri TikTok : Canberra ACT Australia / http://proza.ru/2020/06/16/1154 / Фото: 2006 : Московский Образовательный Центр США в здании Всероссийской Государственной Библиотеки Иностранной Литературы им. Маргариты Ивановны Рудомино: Москва Россия 2006 / http://www.proza.ru/2016/05/05/1124 / Дар - из 62 книг писателя на двух ДВД-дисках для Библиотечных Фондов США: лично передан - Директору Центра Марисе Фушилл ( Mrs Marisa Fushille : USA ) - 62 книги автора ' О Pусском 3арубежьe в США, в Европе и Австралии ' для Библиотечных Фондов России: лично переданы - госпоже Ольге Валентиновне Синицыной ( Mrs Olga Sinitsina : Deputy Director General : Russia ), директору Всероссийской Государственной Библиотеки Иностранной Литературы. Photo: 2006 : Academician Yuri Ryuntyu and Marisa Fushille and Olga Sinitsina in Moscow Russia 2006 / http://www.proza.ru/2006/04/14-339 / Media TV Radio Celebrities Russia / Iouri Runtu: French : Rudolf Noureev : La Mort a Paris / Юри Рюнтю : Russian / Uri Runtu: English / Canberra ACT Australia : the Neo-transcendental theatre : 2006 - 2022.


Yesterday I was talking to my wife,
who had been to see a therapist, and the
therapist had said it was important for
survivors of trauma to recognize what
traumas they have had in their lives.

So the therapist said to list all the
episodes in life that still cause you pain.

I was thinking about this all-last
night and into this morning.

I could think of a few things, such as
being alone and afraid at night in the hospital as
 a small boy and the day my brothers died.

But it hit me this morning that the worst trauma that still causes me pain is discovering that the faith I had carried for forty years was misplaced.

I’ve talked before about how I found I couldn’t rationalize my belief in Mormonism anymore, and it was devastating. It still is.

I came home that day, and my wife immediately knew something was wrong.

I blurted out, “I don’t believe the in church anymore,” and that began three years of a cycle of hurt and guilt, fighting and sneaking around, none of which was healthy.

But really it all stems from the pain I was experiencing, the sadness, the loss.
The worst thing about it was that I couldn’t talk to anyone I loved about it.

I suppose I was not giving them enough credit, but when I did try to talk about it with my wife and with my parents and sister, the emotions were so raw that it always ended up with hurt feelings all around.

 So I retreated into blogging and posting on Internet message boards, but I kept the hurt inside around my family.

Every so often it will spill out, and there would be a big fight.

These fights were never good. Once I almost packed up my things and left, and another time I ended up attempting suicide.

But I’m still here. I was reading today about acknowledging the hurt before you can deal with it, and I think that’s part of my problem.

Sometimes I’m asked why I can’t just get past it and move on with my life.

I think it’s because, in spite of everything,
I have never really dealt with the hurt.

Honestly, losing my faith felt like I had died inside.

It still gives me a stomach-ache to think about it.

Only once did I allow all the emotions to come out,
and I remember lying alone on the bed, sobbing harder than I ever had.

It hurts so much to know that what I believed in isn’t real.

And yes, it does make me angry, but as my wife tells me,
the anger is probably just a way of expressing the hurt.

So, yes, I will get over it eventually, but somehow,

I have to reach inside and deal with the hurt.

Maybe acknowledging it is a start.


2023 : Telegram : Runtu, Uri : От автора " 1 - 12 Книг о друзьях Руди Нуреева - которыми я горжусь и люблю : Общение и Опыт жизни этих личностей - помог мне прожить счастливую жизнь на Западе и в России " / http://proza.ru/2020/06/16/1154 / WWII Australia | Australian writer and journalist : Yuri Ryuntyu | book : Uri Runtu : Rudolf Noureev : La Mort a Paris : Hео-трансцендентальный театр : 2022.

2023 : Telegram : Runtu, Uri TikTok : ' Проза занимает место в Литературе только благодаря содержащейся в ней Поэзии...' Рюноске Акутагава : 1892-1927 / Член Японской Мафии, гениальный ученик - Великого Литератора Осаму Дазая : Hео-трансцендентальный театр : 2022.