Рецензия на «Aiko. The stories she told» (Динозавр Дэнвер)
I checked out your story and it seems to me that every part was cool, and everything was interesting. I noticed that the girl that told the stories is a little weird. I mean, she is falling in love and the other day rejects every boy that she loves, and it is repeating on every part. Is she Japanese, Korean, Chinese or what? It occurred to me from that name of her. By the way she travels a lot. And the figures that she meets are from random countries.
First section of story was laughable. She never shies? I think that this is a different type of offering sexual intercourse. If somebody said that to me so frankly I easily thought that person is crazy! Aesthetically unacceptable but really funny.
In the second part at later in restaurant I think that she is jeering with that Chinese guy because of she already gave him the cash. I remarked that she is kind too, in spite of weirdness.
Third was exciting too. She wants to embarrass that half Turkish half Indian man by saying him that he maybe just a virgin because of he is vegetarian. It is strange that the guy didn't eat anything that she offered. There was nothing except meat in the menu? Although spaghetti, salad or that kind of meal, etceteras?
Forth was a beautiful part. I was touched from reading the lines the she cannot cry… It appears to be a difficult situation; ad interim (in the meantime) it slightly proves that she doesn't love him. She just loves the kiss, that “chocolate” smack on the lips. In the end I just didn't understand the last lines. What it means: “No I can't ... you have this stomach now and you don't look the same as I saw you the last time.”? What is that stomach word, and why she used that?
For conclusion I want to notice, that the story has a little errors, rather some symbols are absent. Some hyphens are missing. If you want you can edit it.
So, I can finally say, that it was fine and enjoyable, thanks a lot. By reading it I remember the short stories that I read in primary and secondary school.
Мухаммет Агаев 09.03.2012 04:13 Заявить о нарушении
hey thanks for the feedback. glad you liked it.
there are no errors buddy. i wrote it to be read nice and easy. if you check your feedback you' ll find many more errors. no offense.
stomach word... :
well what she meant was that usual belly that most men have after 30.
when she was telling me all that she used the word "stomach" that's why i left it.
you r right 'though the girl is amazingly weird. all her stories are truth. she's probably one of the strongest people i've ever met.
Динозавр Дэнвер 18.03.2012 18:40 Заявить о нарушении
btw i found it quite ironic that yours: "For conclusion I want to notice, that the story has a little errors, rather some symbols are absent."
full of grammar, style and other errors. u just cant tlk or write like that. no offense 'though.
i just posted new piece "The consequence of setting the birds free from cages in the previous life."
if you have time
Динозавр Дэнвер 18.03.2012 19:24 Заявить о нарушении
yeah, thanx man for response.
yes, it could be many errors in my review too... :) i dunno!
i just wanted to mean that i like just clean editing,
nothing more. i don't pretend to correct the grammar, coz'
i don't know it well hundred percents .
i will check out ur new publication later.
Мухаммет Агаев 18.03.2012 20:13 Заявить о нарушении
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