Allen by Rudolf Nureyev Without Make Up Australia
Nureyev about Allen by Yuri Matthew Ryuntyu
Þðè Ì Ðþíòþ / http://proza.ru/diary/yuri2008/2008-04-22 // 2008
ALLEN
The sun shines warmly
as we sat together
on the grass under the shade of a tree.
“What’s with you, Allen. Have you decided that you’re gay? Perhaps you never mixed with such people before.”
“I don’t know, maybe not. You see I wasn’t born this way. Everything was routine, my Twenty First Celebration, then the endless rages with my peers, to return home beat from the disco dances. Sometimes there was the occasional girl and the next thing pregnancy. Our parents ushered us off to church. Later, two children were born in the twelve years of “happy” marriage. Sooner of later something had to snap. Everything as customary was left to her and our children. I left home, stripped and naked after the court’s decision.
“Was it long ago?” I carefully asked, frightened to wound him.
“About four years ago, but it seems like only yesterday,” he sobbed.
I see how he finds it hard. He looks into nowhere, to avoid any eye contact and to hide his gaze. Is it possible to hide his feelings from himself? Haven’t his wounds healed yet? God, he must be in such misery.
“And now I’m alone. There was one women though immediately after I became homeless, but somehow it didn’t work out. What can I do?”
“Did you already have a girlfriend before the court case?”
“Yes, two months didn’t pass, until I left home, that I already slept and ate together with, girl Rosetta. But, everything fell apart. I must be unlucky with women in England.”
“So, what? Perhaps you behave like a stranger?”
“She didn’t need me, just simply a baby from me,” he choked and breathed with difficulty.
I understood everything; he was one of those typical men, who would have never turned gay without a marriage breakup. I trust this guy. Allen, would never play games with himself. His ex-wife had done enough of that to him. Her tricks hurt him so much. It’s clear that he couldn’t become a penned stud bull. He wasn’t an animal before and didn’t become one after Rosetta.
“That’s incredible. Perhaps another cow is on heat and is hunting for me or someone else, for the same purpose,” I start to laugh at myself.
“No, it was such a cruel and cynical rape. Rosetta is a conniving woman. She wrung my balls in her shameless lips between her legs and ran away with my sperms.
Believe me it’s such a foul feeling. I’m serious, Rudy and it’s no joke. I love my Abele, my natural son. Even though his mother is a slut and a daughter of a bitch.”
“What happened next?” I ask carefully, smoothing my voice to unbelievably tenderness. I’m ready to scream from such pain.
“Six months later, I met Marko, accidentally at night on this very same street at the crossing.”
“Is that all, Allen?”
“Yes, perhaps that’s all, Rudy. Except for the miracle, that started my unbelievable love at my forty and at his twenty six.”
I quivered and looked distrustfully at him. At my forty-six it’s difficult to believe that this straight guy can suddenly sleep with another man, for love.
The eldest Allen finds it more difficult. He left two families and to be truthful, two tormenting tries and bloodied unsuccessful attempts to make a family. But he gave birth to children from two selfish women.
“What’s up, Allen?” I ask, wiping away a tear with my little finger from his left eye. “Don’t cry, dear mate, I’m on your side.”
Allen doesn’t look at me. His eyelids are half shut. He forgot about my existence. He takes out a photo from his wallet and automatically spreads it out on his lap. He smoothens out the creases… of the worn out photo… as I notice… that his face was sunburnt. Now it becomes pale. Deep wrinkles vanished in a split second, as he smiles involuntarily at the soft papery eyes of his children. He dreams that all his three children will unite with him one day. But, only when they leave their mothers! Oh, how he wants that so badly. The children that were stolen from him live in his heart forever. If you took away his photo, he’d die in an instant. I’m sure of it. As if for his own sake he has no reason to live without these kidnapped children. They aren’t orphaned, just fatherless.
I roused myself. I wanted to remind him about himself, so I said…
“Is Marko cute? He must be Italian, like the traveler, Marco Polo.”
“Oh, yes! He’s my little wonder! I don’t treat him as a son… or … a brother. No … I don’t … to talk about my children or ex-wives.”
“I understand,” and sigh deeply...
I feel that I’m kidding myself. How do I know anything about paternal feelings or neither maternal nor about divorced husbands? I know simply that I should comfort him somehow!”
“I love him as a woman. Like any woman in my place I’d protect him from bitchy hunters and such sexy super computers,” his face became flaming red, as if scolded by steaming water.
His body starts to shake with dry laughter. I don’t want this to turn into stupid hysterics. I kiss him full on the lips to calm both our nerves. His laughter has died down and now it nearly ceases. A groan is uttered from his mouth and his eyes become dead.
Allen in a flash, aged, his face turned earth gray and yellow blotches harden in the bags under his eyes. What is it, disgust or hatred?
“You’re working too much, pal. I know that you are a fanatic, Allen and work for you is like alcohol to a drunk,” I lean towards his chest and lightly touch my fingers on his neck.
He shook, and then peacefully lay his head on my shoulder. Allen went quiet, as a baby, he finally found a place, where was promised peace and rest. I’m the only one here, which means he can at last stop his endless torturing games. I don’t want to watch them and I’m sure that he doesn’t want to play. Isn’t that right, mate?
I took notice of his breathing; it was dry and even with no trace of wheezing. He exhaled an inhaled deeply as if he was walking across a burning desert.
I don’t need to search for questions or answers, about whom I’m with today. He’s only somebody who hasn’t met a suitable woman, who could love him. He replaced her and Marco became the “ideal woman” seen through his eyes.
He started to snore from peace of mind and from the warmth of the sun.
I began to tell him about what he never saw and can never see around him. I talked and talked. Is it only for him or possibly for me as well? Maybe it’s for his wives and children or for Marco? He’d never show me his prized catch from jealousy.
I couldn’t hold back.
Allen raised his eyelids. He agreed that he only had those “chicks” … who always needed something from him. They demanded things, that he couldn’t ever give them. What did he need from them, it never occurred to him to think about it?
He searched for her and only her. But, not one among all of them … were the same as his mother.
May his beloved mother rest in peace. He couldn’t find a similar being on Earth. After her death Allen grieved for such a woman.
He searched for a woman to have her heart and warmth to him.
He looked for a wife who like his mother would rejoice, just for the sake that he was born and alive.
She didn’t desire anything more.
He searched from his wife a smile to welcome him home.
He didn’t expect words that his mother loved to tell him; “Your happiness is my happiness. Your pain is my pain. You success is my success.”
Allen searched for his mother among all females. That stole his heart. Now he has the courage to talk about her…
“You don’t have time to ask, when the answer’s always ready; “take it”! Mum will give you everything.
Mum is with you even before you’re born. She already expected you. She dreamt about you. She lived with you long before you and your birth. She was overwhelmed into who you became, later.
Everyone became part of our mother’s heart, before he discovered for himself his own true colors. It doesn’t matter to her what your body needs from men to men or from women to women.
She carried you for so long until you let out your first cry at birth, to greet her. She guided you into a world through her pain, blood, happiness and suffering. Every child brings a woman maternal joy. My or your entrance into this world became a blessing for the father, if he knows.
All blessings are in your name Mother’s love can only radiate love. This sincere power can give warmth in any cold. Maybe... that's my mum in the shadows of the trees? Didn’t she send you as a blessing to meet me?
Only a mother can love like that, for her to rise from the grave, when I call. Mums are always mums. I searched for her, my own mother. I didn’t find her between, Rosetta or Natalie.”
“Ah, Allen, Allen-n! Nobody can be a second mother. Your head is very muddled, especially after their cruelty. You not only wanted love, but wanted more motherhood around you. Nobody can help you, Allen! I think that you’re a wonderful man. The only one who destroyed your own family nest… was yourself.” Keeps his distance from me as if dodging a slap in the face, then he leans on his elbows. He peers upwards, looking for me with blinded eyes, full of blurry tears.
We’re silent, not trusting the words that my tongue pronounces. Suddenly his lips split into a smile. He says nothing. I already said everything for him. Allen stares at me bewitchingly. He has more fighting inside himself. He caressingly licks my ear lobes and whispers and whistles through the gap between his teeth.
“What a pity, Rudy, that I didn’t meet you before Marco!”
“No, it’s you that’s lucky, extremely lucky. I would have ruined your life, like your bitches. Beware, I can do it just as well as ballet dancing.”
“Perhaps, you’re right! I shouldn’t ever introduce you to Marco.”
“Why ?”
“Rudy, you’re too good of a person and those types of people are attracted towards you instinctively. I’m frightened of your goodness towards my Marco. We embraced simple heartedly.”
Our accidental meeting blew away all his everyday worries and cares about work, shops and family life. Doesn’t he have Marco ? Isn’t that a family ? A “normal” human family! They have everything including their own sexual desires, their own intellectual dreams and their own shopping trips together. Here are the same, searching for where is the most cheaply or better qualities, here somewhere close or over there on the corner.
“I need to vacuum the house,” Allen the housewife remembers and excuses himself.
“And I’ll tidy up the garden. We collected too much rubbish from last night's party,” I agree quickly.
“I promised to bring everything into order before my husband comes home” … they talked in unison and laughed at their unexpectedness.
On parting they slapped each other on the shoulders and run to different parts of the family nest.
“Aren’t we model housewives, he and I ?” pounces into my brain, between blushed ears, which must flog me for my light flirt.
“Why am I blushing, is it from shame ? I can’t explain to Roy, that his foolish “wife” sat all day on the lawn with the first passing stranger. Such things make Roy explode. I saw once his jealousy that’s savage and uncontrollable. Did I forget about it?” I look from side to side with caution as I talk to myself.
“I’m thankful that he’ll never know about it. What if Marco is the same ?” I was interrupted by fear of the possibly of losing my happiness.
I’m ashamed of his suspicions without any cause.
Isn’t that what I forgot?
I am in panic and screamed in … horror. I just remembered that my Roy hasn’t a key.
What will be in store for me at home?
Am I really four hours late?
What a disgrace!
Christ forgives me, Roy. Dearest Roy.
Referees about Yuri Matthew Ryuntyu, Australia
Þðè Ì Ðþíòþ
1995. Ryuntyu, Yuri Matthew, «Rudy Nureyev: Without Make-up»
Published by «Novoste», Moscow, Russia: 1-352 (in Russian)
ISBN 5-7020-0981-9
Sold 260 000 copies in Russia: 1995-2005
2009: ÑÅÐÈß ÈÇ 10 ÊÍÈÃ Þðè Ìýòòüþ Ðþíòþ
Publication Announcement-2009 Australia RU
Charitable Organization “The World Patrick White Intellectual Heritage: Australia” starting publication of the 10-Books of Australian Writer Yuri Ryuntyu in this year of his the 60-th jubilee: 1949-2009 in English, Russian and French:
Book 1
2009 ROCK IDOL & SUPERSTAR: Freddie Mercury and Rudolf Nureyev
ISBN 978-0-9806446-0-9 ART DOCUMENTARY: 1938-1993
Book 2
2009 RUDY NUREYEV: WITHOUT MAKE-UP
ISBN 978-0-9806446-1-6 SHORT STORY
Book 3
2009 ROUDI NOUREEV: Sans Maquillage
ISBN 978-0-9806446-2-3 SHORT STORY
Book 4
ISBN 978-0-9806446-3-0 BALLET DOCUMENTARY: 1910-1997
2009 ÎÄÍÎÒÎÌÍÈÊ ÂÅËÈÊÈÅ ÍÅÌÛÅ: ÍÓÐÅÅÂ ÓËÀÍÎÂÀ ÄÓÄÈÍÑÊÀß ÝÑÀÌÁÀÅÂ ÏËÈÑÅÖÊÀß ÀÞÕÀÍÎÂ
Book 5
2009 ÑÓÏÅÐÇÂÅÇÄÀ & ÐÎÊ-ÈÄÎË : ÍÓÐÅÅÂ È ÌÅÐÊÞÐÈ
ISBN 978-0-9806446-4-7 ART DOCUMENTARY: 1938-1993
Book 6
ISBN 978-0-9806446-5-4 THEATRE DOCUMENTARY: 1917-1997
2009 ÎÄÍÎÒÎÌÍÈÊ ÐÅÊÂÈÅÌ ÄËß ÔÀÐÈÑÅß: ÞÐÈÉ ËÞÁÈÌÎÂ
Book 7
ISBN 978-0-9806446-6-1 SCIENCE FICTION
2009 ÎÄÍÎÒÎÌÍÈÊ ÏÀÐÀËËÅËÜÍÛÅ ÌÈÐÛ: ÀÍÄÐÅÉ ÒÀÐÊÎÂÑÊÈÉ
Book 8
ISBN 978-0-9806446-7-8 SHORT STORY
2009 ÎÄÍÎÒÎÌÍÈÊ ÑÊÀÇÊÈ ÑÒÀÐÎÃÎ ×ÅËÎÂÅÊÀ
Book 9
ISBN 978-0-9806446-8-5 THEATRE DOCUMENTARY: 1936-1996
2009 ÎÄÍÎÒÎÌÍÈÊ ÐÅÖÅÏÒ ÄËß ÃÅÍÈß: ÐÎÌÀÍ ÂÈÊÒÞÊ
Book 10
2009 ÐÓÄÈ ÍÓÐÅÅÂ: ÁÅÇ ÌÀÊÈßÆÀ
ISBN 978-0-9806446-9-2 SHORT STORY
ÑÅÐÈß ÈÇ 35 ÊÍÈÃ Þðè Ìýòòüþ Ðþíòþ: Youri Mathieu Runtu: Yuri Matthew RYUNTYU - ÏÐÎÔÈÍÀÍÑÈÐÎÂÀÍA ÑÓÏÅÐÇÂÅÇÄÀÌÈ ÌÈÐÎÂÎÉ ÈÍÒÅËËÅÊÒÓÀËÜÍÎÉ ÝËÈÒÛ È ÌÓËÜÒÈÌÈËËÈÎÍÅÐÀÌÈ ÍÓÐÅÅÂÛÌ http://rudolfnureyev.com.au/ È ÔÐÝÄÄÈ ÌÅÐÊÜÞÐÈ http://mercuryfreddie.com.au/, ÓÎÐÕÎËÎÌ http://warholandy.com.au/ È ÓÀÉÒÎÌ http://patrickwhite.com.au/ ÄËß ÁÅÇÂÎÇÌÅÇÄÍÎÃÎ ÐÀÑÏÐÎÑÒÐÀÍÅÍÈß Â 200 ÑÒÐÀÍÀÕ ÑÎÄÐÓÆÅÑÒÂÀ ÎÎÍ c 1998-2008.
Ïèñàòåëü Þðè Ìýòüþ Ðþíòþ:
ÐÓÑÑÊÎE ÇÀÐÓÁÅÆÜE: ÀÂÑÒÐÀËÈß
Àâñòðàëèàía Ëèòåðàòóðà Póññêîãî 3àðóáåæüÿ
Yuri Matthew Ryuntyu was born in KIZHI, ONEGA LAKE, Russia. Following his studies at the Academy of Science, Yuri Matthew RYUNTYU moved to Sydney (Australia) and worked, most notably, as a medico-biology scientist. A prizewinning scholar and academician, he has published a 45 books of literary and cultural criticism, including <The Recipe for the Genius>, <The Requiem for the Foresee>, <The Grate Surrenders>, <Abreast and Profile of The Imperial Russian Ballet> and <The Apostolic Silver Age of Russian Culture>. He has also written for such publication as the World of News, the Book Review, the Theatre Life, the Pravda, the Moscow Evening, the Moscow Pravda, the Megapolis Express and the Evening Club about Poetry, Literature, Movies, Religion, History, Music, Opera, Ballet, Politics and Australian Arts, where he is a contributing editor. His literary works and articles are available in English, French, Russian, German, Japanese and Kazakh for readers. Ryuntyu was able to dedicate himself entirely to literature following the success of <Rudolf Nureyev: without Make-up> in Russia, a gloomy satire on sexuality published in 1995. Ryuntyu’s ironic and often disillusioned perception of the state of affairs in Russia during and after the Communist occupation produced a body of work that is still at the forefront of twentieth-century Russian and Australian literature. A most famous: <The Temptation: Boris Yeltsin>, <On the Way of the Cross: Alexander Solzhenitsyn>, <Idol Russian Gay Culture: Sergey Paradzhanov> and <The Meditation: Bella Akhmadulina and Joseph Brodsky> http://ryuntyu.com/8o/ Yuri Ryuntyu live in Cairns, Great Barrier Reef, Australia + Ðþíòþ o Êóëüòóðe Ðîññèÿí â ÑØÀ The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Museum USA http://www.reaganlibrary.com/
+ http://ryuntyu.com/BIBLIOGRAPHY.htm + http://ryuntyu.com/DIPLOMA.htm
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